Saturday = 5 months porn free

Hi Everyone, while I'm not new to the forum I've been decidedly absentee since first joining/posting.

A strange thing happened, (at least I think it strange). I intended to be a regular here b/c I assumed I'd need the support & comradery in this journey - but I haven't.  Which is selfish, I know, but its honestly why I've been scarce.  April 8 was the last time I viewed any form of porn, decided 'enough' and I haven't been back since.  Its weird in that this hasn't been nearly as hard as I'd assumed it would be.  I haven't relapsed, haven't really wanted to look at porn again & am sailing along on quite smooth waters. I dunno, given the struggles and relapses others report (& that I expected) I almost feel...guilty. I haven't completely given up fap as that wasn't my commitment to myself, but I've cut way down. Sometimes the "I can never view porn again - ever" thought pops in and is a bit intimidating, but it passes or I beat it back and then I'm fine.

You've read my testimony countless times if you've been here for a while. Married, kids, 50'ish, started porn as a teenager on magazines (pre-internet) & 40 years later...still hooked. I'm married to my 1st wife & while she's busted me a few times over the decades (inevitable) I've basically been able to successfully lie and cover up.

So this weekend is going to be "the reveal" talk. We have a kid-less getaway scheduled & I'm going to use the opportunity to tell her the full monty. Our sex life is lackluster.  A part of that I know is my addiction, but another part is her being menopausal & that's not going great + she's just not the sexual, sensual type. That's another struggle and conversation for another day, but I'm thinking/hoping/believing that this reveal will break off some of the ice.

I'll report back. If you're given to prayer please lift me/us up in yours for a fruitful outcome this weekend.

blessings,

twd

Bear in mind the old AA saying.  "It isn't stopping the drinking that is the hard part.  It is not starting."  Congratulations on keeping on the straight and narrow.  I am sure your life has changed completely for the better.  Now just keep doing what you are doing.

Rich

Congratulations on 5 months free.  One of the ironies of porn addiction, and quitting, is that once we have quit, we are still left with living, which has plenty of challenges, addicted or not.  Good luck. 

HumbleRich said:

Bear in mind the old AA saying.  "It isn't stopping the drinking that is the hard part.  It is not starting."

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Wow. I've actually never heard that one before. That is one EPIC quote.

Another important thing to do is to recognize what triggers you and avoid it completely. And who knows, after revealing your sordid porn past your wife may respect you more for your honesty and even be willing to reignite your stagnating sex life! good luck and let us know how it goes

yeah thats right, md. With all these advances in thechnology now its more stimulating than ever. We now have VR porn which allows the experience of actually participating in it. Gone are the days of looking at still images in a glossy magazine on the toilet or on the bus or wherever. Its all to easy now.
All we can do is educate the younger generation as much as we can

Well to close this loop - we had the talk last Thursday night and it went well. Better than I'd expected in fact. She was hurt of course, but her main thing was "I wish you'd told me sooner so I could've been helping you."  So now I'm out in the open. And I'm thrilled to report still completely porn free. 5 months, 4 days and counting.