This is my journal

I've been a member of the NoFap forum for a number of years but thought I'd see what Reboot Nation is like. It seems to me a more focused forum on recovery than what NoFap is. It hasn't been easy for me on NoFap, I've been personally attacked a number of times and some case I may have deserved it but sometimes I'd say I didn't. A few months ago I left the forum for a while and came back with the plan to avoid threads that will have a negative effect on me but I didn't stick to the plan. Yesterday on a political thread I got so mad with a member when he started attacking me for my views. It wasn't just that we disagreed but it was his whole attitude. He personally attacked me and then started calling me names, I, in turn, started to attack him back and was tempted cuss him out but I stopped myself. I ended by saying I didn't join the forum to get into fights and would no longer take part in the stupid fight. It the first time I've had a run in with him. At first I ignored him but in the end, I let him have it. His whole attitude is nasty, he just doesn't cares about anyone himself and doesn't do anything to help others. He admitted he didn't care who he offended or upset with his comments. I'm trying to forget the whole thing but it's not easy.


Last night I was so mad about the whole situation that I was like forget recovery, if people like him are in recovery I don't to reboot anymore. So I relapsed and I just didn't care. I know it was childish. I know it was silly. I shouldn't care who's doing what. I was just so mad. Why do I let the anonymous person on the internet bother me so much? 

I like Reboot Nation more than nofap. I used to be an active member there but I've lost my interest and deleted my account.

About attacks: It couldn't really be called "attack" but one guy confronted me after I had said that porn was bad no matter what and everybody should stay away from it completely. His argument was that "many people drink in moderation and don't become addicted to alcohol. Just because you became addicted to porn, it doesn't mean everybody will, if watched in moderation."

Welcome - the atmosphere on here is generally really supportive. The only times I've ever confronted someone on here is where it's relevant to their recovery (e.g. urging people to learn from their relapse mistakes and not just do everything exactly the same the next time).

Personally I don't think the argument about whether porn use is ever "okay" is the most sensible one for someone to start on a reboot / recovery site! Even if the porn was ethically produced (unlikely), involved entirely legal actors / actresses (unlikely), was fairly paid (unlikely) and was watched without secrecy (unlikely) by people for whom it didn't interfere with their life, faith, relationships etc (unlikely), it's a drug that's off limits for us. We don't have a healthy relationship with it and need to stay 100% clear.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery

Thanks for the replies.

One thing I don't like about NoFap is how much politics happen to appear in threads.  Its understandable political ideas might enter a thread about whether porn can be banned or not but NoFap makes room for all political discussions that have nothing to do with porn recovery. Really it's not helpful at all. In this day and age, politics is so divisive yet that even has caused some couples to divorce yet they have no problem with them taking place on their forum. Whether a certain politician does something or not doesn't it help someone reboot. I think a healthy person should be able to listen to and have a conversation with someone who has different views to them but if we were healthy we would be on porn recovery forums. Bottom line is a porn addict isn't healthy and isn't good at practising self-control.

Someone could say you can avoid threads that are political by not visiting but for me that like saying you can go on a porn site without watching porn videos. When I would see a political thread I have an urge to look at it. In fact sometimes when I'm feeling down I have an urge to read threads on NoFap that will upset. At times I want to be something or someone to hurt me or be mad at.

Sorry if this seems like a NoFap rant.

Anyway, I'm clean since my last entry but I'm not sure counting days is actually a good thing to do. In the past, it hasn't seemed to help me and it may have made my recovery worse. Yesterday's victories doesn't guarantee a victory today. 

thisisme said:

Thanks for the replies.

One thing I don't like about NoFap is how much politics happen to appear in threads.  Its understandable political ideas might enter a thread about whether porn can be banned or not but NoFap makes room for all political discussions that have nothing to do with porn recovery. Really it's not helpful at all. In this day and age, politics is so divisive yet that even has caused some couples to divorce yet they have no problem with them taking place on their forum. Whether a certain politician does something or not doesn't it help someone reboot. I think a healthy person should be able to listen to and have a conversation with someone who has different views to them but if we were healthy we would be on porn recovery forums. Bottom line is a porn addict isn't healthy and isn't good at practising self-control.

Someone could say you can avoid threads that are political by not visiting but for me that like saying you can go on a porn site without watching porn videos. When I would see a political thread I have an urge to look at it. In fact sometimes when I'm feeling down I have an urge to read threads on NoFap that will upset. At times I want to be something or someone to hurt me or be mad at.

Sorry if this seems like a NoFap rant.

Anyway, I'm clean since my last entry but I'm not sure counting days is actually a good thing to do. In the past, it hasn't seemed to help me and it may have made my recovery worse. Yesterday's victories doesn't guarantee a victory today.

Click to expand...

I've lost my interest in nofap and left. I was getting nowhere. This forum seems way better. People here actually have a plan. I mean, on nofap I had people even debating whether porn was good or bad. I was like "wtf man? You are not trying to quit porn, you are just trying to stop masturbating? But do you really masturbate without porn? Who the fuck masturbates daily without porn?" A lot of guys there only tried to abstain from masturbation and if they failed, their reset that counter and got depressed for being on day 1. It started to become detrimental for me. That's why there was a guy once who said: "You are doing this wrong. You just want to abstain but you don't have a recovery plan." I don't know, maybe it got better since I left but meanwhile I've found Reboot Nation and I liked it more, right from the start. People here actually try to find a recovery strategy. And I'm fine with being here. I just hope things around here don't go crazy like there, people attacking each other about politics and stuff like that. At least we all are on the same page regarding porn being bad. If anybody questions this then good luck with porn and a limp dick. Maybe the fact that Recovery Nation and YBOP have actual scientific data about porn addiction makes a bigger difference on people's view on this forum.

I agree that political debate is irrelevant to recovery from PMO addiction or any other addiction for that matter.

If I have posted political things in the past, it is as an act of confession, in an attempt to free myself from thoughts that are driving me crazy. I certainly don't expect replies to them, for that is not what confession is about.

However, I do think that recovery is and should be holisitic to some extent, if you fill your life with counting days, it's not likely to be any more productive or fullfilling than PMO, just less disruptive to the chemical reward centre.

I say this having tried counting days for the past thirty years.

What has helped me to finally quit is the forum. I'm still uncertain about broadening my posts to include more general priorities of mine that will help me to solidify my recovery into a permanent settlement.

I think one has to be careful not to distract the focus of others on the forum too much in order to maintain the theraputic aspects of the group.

To my mind the best thing about the forum is the solidarity, long may it continue.

Thank you.

I should note that counting days is a very good discipline and in no way was I suggesting to give it up, it's just there has to be something more.

Thank you.

Just to say that I've never really noticed anyone posting political stuff on here. Republican or Democrat, Tory or Labour, Brexit or Remain, we're all on the same side here re: staying free of porn.

PE30 said:

Just to say that I've never really noticed anyone posting political stuff on here. Republican or Democrat, Tory or Labour, Brexit or Remain, we're all on the same side here re: staying free of porn.

Click to expand...

Quitting porn is our no. 1 goal here. We team up for this. Race, religion, politics and stuff like this shouldn't really matter. At least I don't care about them.

I know the feeling!

But hey, you took ONE step back after taking SO VERY MANY steps forward! Its definitely not the end!

We live and learn, remember, LIVE and LEARN! 

TheTr0jan1 said:

I know the feeling!

But hey, you took ONE step back after taking SO VERY MANY steps forward! Its definitely not the end!

We live and learn, remember, LIVE and LEARN! 

Click to expand...

We should not make the relapses be in vain. We need to learn from them. Identify what we did wrong and not repeat it next time.

changemylife said:

I just hope things around here don't go crazy like there, people attacking each other about politics and stuff like that.

Click to expand...

It looks like things won't get that bad since this forum doesn't have an off-topic section. An off-topic section can be ok for lighthearted topics but political subjects can be so divisive. Couples are getting divorced and families are breaking up over political differences yet NoFap has no problem with allowing such threads being made. Over there I actually suggested in a thread that maybe political discussions should be banned and many members were complaining that I was trying to take away their freedom of speech. Anyway, I've probably written more than enough about NoFap already. 

Georgos said:

I should note that counting days is a very good discipline and in no way was I suggesting to give it up, it's just there has to be something more.

Click to expand...

I'm going to try and see if it helps if I can go without it. Yesterday I uninstalled my counter app.

thisisme said:

I'm going to try and see if it helps if I can go without it. Yesterday I uninstalled my counter app.

Click to expand...

I've noticed that counting the days was making me obsessed with the whole process. "I should have X days by now" or "I've lost a 10 days streak, I'm back at day 1, Fuck!" or "This is only the second day, when the hell will time go faster so I could be satisfied with 1 month?" Those kind of things were going through my head then I felt that not counting the days took my mind away from this in a way. I'm talking about me, I'm not saying this should work for everybody but maybe some other people prone to obsessing like that, might related to it. The idea is, we should not think about porn all day as we should not think about our porn recovery all day because it still means having porn in your head, in some way. Thinking about what you have to do for the day might be better. However, we cannot just move around, be busy every single minute of the day. There are moments when we are idle and this is when we might get exposed to urges, fantasies etc. That's why I'm saying that thinking about how many days and stuff like that might remind us about porn in those moments. I don't know, did I make sense?

changemylife said:

did I make sense?

Click to expand...

Yes, you do.

Well, things have been bad since my last entry. I've had relapses, relapses and even more relapses. There have been days when I've made it one or two and sometimes three days when I'm clean but no longer than three. At times I can't be bothered with this. I'm in a hole.

What makes you say at times you can't be bothered?

I don't know about T.I.M. but with me it is a strong desire to mentally masturbate in an effort to trigger my reward system myself rather than wait for my partner to trigger it for me. I think this is a very real symptom of year of PMO whereby we have trained ourselves to seek gratification from ourselves rather than from real life interactions. I wouldn't say it is a form of narcissism per say, more a form of self-control. For me I knew that I'd really cleared the PMO addiction hurdle once I truly accepted my choice to do without it. However there is still a lot of rewiring processes that need to be done, and learning to gain my rewards from listening and providing support are the priority for me. Sexual gratification will come later once my partner and I can be a bit freer with other people and flirt a little. For me it seems clear now the first step is to build a trust and sense of mutual support in a relationship. Thank you.