D
Deadcat
Guest
My story is probably similar to most. I was introduced to porn at a young age when some friends and I discovered one of their dad's dirty mags. It didn't do much for me then because I was too young. My youth was mostly spent stealing peaks at my mom's Victoria Secret catalog, buying the annual SI Swimsuit issue and staring lustfully at the Solid Gold dancers. I managed to make it to the ripe old age of 23 before ever masturbating or having sex. In fact, I first masturbated because my college roommates convinced me it would help me newly developing sex life with my girlfriend and future wife. My roommates had a house subscription to Penthouse so I thought "what the hell." I don't recall masterbation or porn being an issue during college.
I graduated from college then entered the military. There I was surrounded by a diverse group. I remember one of my friends being really into strip clubs and some crazy porn. That didn't phase me and I remained relatively healthy. At the time I was managing a long distance relationship which likely led to more than the occasional masterbation.
After getting married, I had a healthy sex life and good marriage. I still masterbated and began watching porn online. I felt really guilty but never quit. My wife caught me once. It was horrible. We fought and talked about it. Eventually I convinced her that this was better than me cheating with another woman and everything was fine.
My first wife and I were married happily for 12 years. Unfortunately, she died of breast cancer. She was sick for a long time. During that period, I believe my addiction to porn and masterbation reached it's peak. I was already depressed trying to take care of my family through a rough situation and tried to find comfort in something empty and hollow. I was wrong and guilt overwhelmed me. I did join a men's group with my church which helped a lot. It was nice to hear other men sharing similar issues with one another. I wasn't alone.
After my wife passed, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. After years of caring for her and my children, I felt relief. That sounds bad but I had been suffering along with my wife for many years. I was fortunate to meet the most wonderful lady. We dated for roughly a year before I asked her to be my wife. Our sex life was mostly awesome. During one trip together, however, I had a problem getting an erection. This was new to me. I never had this problem with my first wife. My new wife, girlfriend at the time, was gorgeous and sexy. I knew I wanted to be excited but wasn't. Needless to say that put a hurt on our relationship. Fortunately we recovered and I convinced her to marry me. Since then my problem with PIED has gotten progressively worse. I nearly tried everything to fix the problem and thankful I found yourbrainonporn.com before I tried some worse things.
Jan 23, 2018 is the day I self diagnosed my problem with PIED. I refer to that now as Zero day and the last day I masterbated to porn. That makes me 37 days clean and I feel wonderful. Last night my wife and I had the best sex we've had in a long time. I greatly look forward to my sexual prowess returning because most of all, I want my wife to be happy with us in bed. I don't want to be the loser I have been for the past several years. While I expected those results to eventually occur based on what I read, I'm surprised with how much my attitude, work ethic, motivation and my relationship with my wife in general has improved. It's amazing. Not PMOing is like taking a drug that makes you feel good all the time, only you're not taking a drug at all which makes it even better.
Since I was willing to do most anything to improve my sex life with my wife, I don't plan on ever going back. I've read about relapses and have had some wandering moments, but I'm not willing to return to who I was and plan to stay strong. I'm just too good of a person without PMOing to ever go back.
I graduated from college then entered the military. There I was surrounded by a diverse group. I remember one of my friends being really into strip clubs and some crazy porn. That didn't phase me and I remained relatively healthy. At the time I was managing a long distance relationship which likely led to more than the occasional masterbation.
After getting married, I had a healthy sex life and good marriage. I still masterbated and began watching porn online. I felt really guilty but never quit. My wife caught me once. It was horrible. We fought and talked about it. Eventually I convinced her that this was better than me cheating with another woman and everything was fine.
My first wife and I were married happily for 12 years. Unfortunately, she died of breast cancer. She was sick for a long time. During that period, I believe my addiction to porn and masterbation reached it's peak. I was already depressed trying to take care of my family through a rough situation and tried to find comfort in something empty and hollow. I was wrong and guilt overwhelmed me. I did join a men's group with my church which helped a lot. It was nice to hear other men sharing similar issues with one another. I wasn't alone.
After my wife passed, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. After years of caring for her and my children, I felt relief. That sounds bad but I had been suffering along with my wife for many years. I was fortunate to meet the most wonderful lady. We dated for roughly a year before I asked her to be my wife. Our sex life was mostly awesome. During one trip together, however, I had a problem getting an erection. This was new to me. I never had this problem with my first wife. My new wife, girlfriend at the time, was gorgeous and sexy. I knew I wanted to be excited but wasn't. Needless to say that put a hurt on our relationship. Fortunately we recovered and I convinced her to marry me. Since then my problem with PIED has gotten progressively worse. I nearly tried everything to fix the problem and thankful I found yourbrainonporn.com before I tried some worse things.
Jan 23, 2018 is the day I self diagnosed my problem with PIED. I refer to that now as Zero day and the last day I masterbated to porn. That makes me 37 days clean and I feel wonderful. Last night my wife and I had the best sex we've had in a long time. I greatly look forward to my sexual prowess returning because most of all, I want my wife to be happy with us in bed. I don't want to be the loser I have been for the past several years. While I expected those results to eventually occur based on what I read, I'm surprised with how much my attitude, work ethic, motivation and my relationship with my wife in general has improved. It's amazing. Not PMOing is like taking a drug that makes you feel good all the time, only you're not taking a drug at all which makes it even better.
Since I was willing to do most anything to improve my sex life with my wife, I don't plan on ever going back. I've read about relapses and have had some wandering moments, but I'm not willing to return to who I was and plan to stay strong. I'm just too good of a person without PMOing to ever go back.