how does a flatline affect a relationship?

caplatt

New Member
hi guys, I have been porn-free for a little over a year, but have had frequent MO sessions since, which has perpetuated a lot of the negative things that I picked up from porn. I have not had an MO for a couple of weeks now, and during the last week I have been experiencing (for the first time) the good ol' flatline that I've heard so much about. Near-total lack of libido, and right now I feel almost asexual. Normally, I would be grateful, since I have no desire to jack it. However, I am in a fairly new relationship with a super-sweet girl. I like her a lot, and I want my feelings for her to grow. But right now I am just not attracted to her (or to anyone else, for that matter). I feel so guilty and ashamed, not just for the porn use, but because the very thing that I am doing to make my sex drive more healthy is causing me to not feel anything romantic or sexual for her. It's really hurting me. I have not told her what's going on, but I feel that I am acting more distant than usual. Does anybody have any advice? I know flatline is temporary, but I have no idea how long it will last and I feel so anxious about it.
 

aquarius25

Respected Member
I am a partner of a porn addict. I wanted to mention that so you would understand where my perspective is coming from. I would recommend since the relationship is new to just enjoy getting to know her. It's ok for the physical part of the relationship to be slow. If it gets to a point where she asks or if you feel like the relationship is progressing to a serious status then just be honest. It really is the best policy.

As a woman if a man I was dating mentioned that he had this problem but was doing all of these things to take control, heal, and become a better person than I would think that would be something to respect, big time. If she is the type of person that has a major problem with it then you might want to consider if she is really the right fit in the first place. If she asks "why didn't you mention it before" it is absoutly ok to say, well I didn't want to freak you out, and I wanted to give us time to get to know each other, but this is part of my past and since you are important to me I wanted to be open and honest with you. That would be an opportunity for you to show vulnerability and an opportunity to get to know each other at a deeper level. Again, you don't have to have that question right away. Take your time and just enjoy getting to know each other first. If she starts to share parts of her past and she is making herself vulnerable then maybe that is a time that you reciprocate and share your past with her. Don't rush it, just wait for the right moment. It will be ok.
 
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