Broken

Hi All,

I had a journal on here, but it's been awhile and maybe it's better to let sleeping dogs lie and all that.

But, I'll cut to the chase, I'm consume by porn. I can go for a day or two here and there clean and feel awesome, binge on porn and plummet in to hell on earth. It's the only way to describe it. It's like looking at your life collapsing around you and not giving a shit about yourself or anyone.

Everything is a problem until I view porn and for those couple of hours every night I feel complete.

I honestly thought I would grow out of this, or get fed up of it, but the novelty is just fn endless.

I'm an addict.

It's gotten so bad, thoughts of suicide enter my mind. Not that I'm constantly depressed but my moods swing very high and low. I think what have I done to my world.

This isn't a cry for help, I just wanted to vent.

I know by even writing this I have began a new reboot.

Hi harpoon,
I'm sure you have the sympathy and support of everyone here. You're clearly in a bad place at the moment but, yes, restarting regular journaling here I'm sure will help. Step by step and day by day you can make changes that will help you. I won't bore you with a list of my suggestions* because I'm sure from reading on this forum you've already found good information. Anyway I'm not an expert and like many of the folks here still slip sometimes. Best of luck!

(* unless you want me to )

yeah like cigarette smokers that keep smoking the same cigarette for decades, you will never get bored of porn. its also a lot more fulfilling and addicting than cigarettes. i was nicotine addict for 6 years.

suicide and running away from everything and everyone is the real thing. highs and lows, i know what you mean. i think current highs can become lows after reboot though.

venting is great, it can help more than an advice or a suggestion.

Harpoon,

Glad to have you onboard.

You are not alone. I continue to feel frustrated with this process. Just remember, you haven't lost unless you give up.

Peace