Quitting porn to try and change my life.. hopefully.

Hi everyone.

About a month ago, right after getting an urge, I closed my blinds, closed my door and opened up a private browser window.
But something hit me.... instead I typed in "porn addiction" into google.
I came across the website, yourbrainonporn.com, and sure as shit, it confirmed my suspicions that porn addiction actually was a real thing..
and I was addicted.

I stopped watching porn as of that day, and it's been around 35 - 40 days now since I watched porn.

Let me tell you what has changed, and what hasn't.
First, a little back story.

I was first introduced to porn when I was in grade 7 by one of my friends who thought it was funny seeing a girl stick a cucumber up her vagina. I was 13. To give you an idea of how innocent I was then, I actually didn't know how to masturbate.
I would sit in front of my parents computer screen with an image of a naked woman. I was so aroused, all the time. It made my prepubescent sex drive go through the roof. I remember shooting basketball on my driveway, and just fantasizing for the day I could finally have sex with a pretty girl, and release this tension.
Then one day in grade 8 I finally discovered masturbation like any guy does; by just playing around. It felt... so... good.
Then it was on. I would dream of girls - real girls; but also the ones I saw on the internet. I scrolled through many, many still images.
One day in grade 9, I found out that there were videos out there; actual videos of hot girls having sex.
I would watch video after video, and record the good ones to save for later. This went on and on.
My past grade 7 lusty self would have been shocked to hear that I didn't get any sort of sexual action through high school - no girlfriend, and barely a few kisses.

By the first year of university, it was commonplace for me to find better ways to masturbate, to make it more realistic while watching porn (read; latex gloves.)
I'm sure my video count was over 1000 fully watched porn flicks. I got into watching multiple videos per session. Porn wasn't exciting anymore, it just was part of my masturbation routine.
I still hadn't lost my virginity.

One year ago, I finally lost my virginity in a shameful, embarrassing display of flacidness. I had to stroke myself and think of porn to get it up (it didn't help that the lights were off), and only managed to stay erect for a few minutes before I came early, and left her house feeling horrible.

That was the only time I've had sex.

After that experience, my sex drive has been so.. so low. I haven't tried to flirt, or initiate anything sexually since then.

Now, around one month ago, I quit porn. I have not quit masturbation, and think only of girls I know in my life when I do.

Since I quit porn, I have noticed I am looking at girls in a more ... real way, if that makes sense. I haven't acted on it really, but I am looking at girls as potential mates now.
I also don't feel inclined to masturbate quite as often at the moment.
However, I definitely still feel the need to browse porn. I resist it constantly though, cause I'm better than it.
I'm sure I screwed my brain up real bad by having porn as my sole sexual outlet all through puberty.

But all I'm thinking of now is how good real, wholesome, sex will be with a girl when I finally have the courage and motivation to get it.
Wish me luck.

Hey Limberlost,

Thanks for sharing your story. It is nice to have this website knowing there are other guys out there that want this gone. I want to ask you as you progress through your journey, look at the rest of your life (not just with girls), but your everyday life. I've noticed that motivation to be more productive goes up, your joy goes up, and tons of other little things like that. Keep a lookout for that and use those things as even more motivation to rise above the temptation to relapse. It's time for us to man up! Keep at it!

Well, it's now been 52 days, give or take a few, since I watched any sort of porn. I've actually had many close calls, where my roommate isn't home, and I've been so tempted, but I resisted the urge.

Thanks for the reply djleeland.
To answer your question of every day life changes, I definitely feel productive - I don't know if any more or less than before, but over Christmas, I edited an hour-long documentary I made of a hiking trip I did over the summer; rather than watch hours of porn at 2 am, I was busy on my video editor.

The other day, something strange happened; I met a girl, was talking with her for 10 minutes. Normally, I wouldn't pursue girls at all, because my only sex drive was towards porn, but later that night, I contacted her, and asked her on a date, cause why not. It felt natural, and it was something that never felt natural in all my years of watching porn.

I'm going to keep rolling with this.

Day 59: Last night I had a dream that I caved, and started watching porn again. I felt ashamed in myself, but I also felt excited that I could watch it again now that my streak was done. I woke up feeling relieved I was still porn-free. I'm not going to lie, I even considered watching it a bit today. But I didn't.

awesome awesome awesome.
keep up the great work.

Day 60: Really hard today. Don't know why. I'm just craving it more than ever.

Keep going brother we can do it man, I applaud you for doing what you have done so far. I am only 3 days in and I have along way ahead of myself.

don't fall prey to your own brain.
don't give up man.
you deserve a great life without PMO.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the encouragement. It helps  :

Day 62: I'm struggling again today. Really hard to resist it. My brain is playing all sorts of tricks on me - like, "what's so bad about porn?", "You don't really have an addiction!". I'm trying to fight it. Flashes of specific pornos I used to watch are going through my head a lot now. Don't want them there, but they keep coming back, tempting me.

Well, I PMO'ed today. I wanted to record my feelings before and after for the record.

Before: Uninspired, Apprehensive
Right Before: Excited
During: Enjoying, but somewhat unsettled.
Afterwards: For the most part, good.
Later this evening: Don't really have any regrets. But on a side note, feeling shitty about hitting on real girls again.

I once tried being a vegan. It lasted a week. Then I was vegetarian. Now I eat meat only once a week, or once every two weeks. I'm starting to think if I can handle only watching P once in a while, I might be fine......