Starting a new life!

A little about me.  I am 44, been divorced for about 2 years now.  I lost everything.  The divorce was not caused by my fondness of porn and masturbation but it didn't help either.  It was more caused by her new found love of Meth but that does not let me off the hook either. 

I keep coming back to the Reboot process and have been sort of successful in the past.  Never really publically kept a journal but thought I would go all in this time and try to do it differently and hopefully give some support and receive some as well. 

I have 26 hours since the last time I acted out and that ended a bit of a bender.  I can really tell I have to get this under control as some mornings I will go to work lat just to take care of myself.

I am starting over in every way!  Better things to come!

Hello "Starting a new life"

I join with you in your desire to do better.  I see you have been involved with Reboot Nation before.  I root for you to be at a deeper level with all things in place for a sound recovery and a solid rewiring of your brain.

DO you have a porn filter in place?
I hope you keep journalling and commenting.  I am sure you will have a lot to offer others on this site.

Lastday,

Welcome to RN. Make sure you continue to do the following:

• Post in your own journal
• Read as much as you can about this addiction
• Post and respond to other journals

You work on your own progress but your progress can also help others!

Peace

Thanks for the responses.  I plan to post as frequently as I can.  Today is Day 4!  I struggled a bit last night when I couldn't sleep.  That is a trigger for me or part of the habit of it all, choose your label.  I was able to put it out of my mind by focusing on day counter that I keep on my bathroom mirror.  Just thought of that as the prize for one more day.  Sounds silly but it worked. 

One thing I have noticed about this reboot attempt is that I feel more excited and motivated than ever before.  One issue I have always battled in my life is depression and anxiety.  not too bad but it was always there.  over the last 3 years or so I have noticed a significant brain fog and when I would take an anti depressant it make is so much worse.  I have taken antidepressants for a long time on and off and never had this effect.  We tried every flavor and they all caused it.  After reading up on the RN and other places I am more convinced than ever that this is a side effect of my addiction.  I have rewired my brain in more ways than I realize and it is time to rewire and get back to enjoying life!

Welcome to the group lastday! 

I found it gets tempting to PMO every now and then e.g. after one week and also you become aware of what triggers you. 

This group is a great resource for support and strength, really helps to read other people's journals plus responses to your own journey.

I am finding mindfulness (being aware of my feelings and watching them but not acting on them) really helpful in getting back my self-control.

I wish you all the best!

Good on you last day for making it through a temptation.  I support you in your focus of getting a rewired brain.  I bet the culture in general has no idea that the brain gets so wired to a porn addiction.  As you abstain (as you know) the brain does its own work of rewiring.
Keep at it.  You had this success of getting through a temptation.  Your victories are more thant he defeats.  Keep going.