17 years old addict, trying to reach a spark of hope

Hi everyone, this is my shamefull history...

It all began when I saw softcore porn at my television late at night, after that I started searching for naked girls at google images and you guys know what happened next, I started watching hardcore porn, public sex and a lot of stupid stuff. When I became 15 I realised how stupid it was wanking off to a bunch of damn pixels, I been struggling since then but I cant stop this bullshit.

Thanks to porn I had OCD problems I couldnt concentrate at school properly because I was constantly thinking of porn, I started hitting the walls and screaming I just wanted to stop this, so I went to the Hospital and they treated me with some pills that helped me to recover almost in a week.

After 2 months without porn I felt again for it I starting watching porn like before but I was more aggresive than before, I started looking the girls as tools and I though I was getting crazy.

I started my last year of school and I made my PMO session just 1 day per week, I was having excellent grades at my school, I was the 1th place but I relapsed again on this shitty addiction, I was just thinking of porn and a bunch of lustfull stuff. I see how my friends got their girlfriends and all. I consider myself a nice guy, I was known at school but, I couldnt kept a conversation with a girl. I feel like a worthless trash I try very hard everyday to stop this. In the end I lost my first place and became 4th place because of my porn addiction.

Next year (2015) Im going to start studying medicine and I know I cant have this lust when Im treating a woman or watching a dead corpse please guys what should I do, I just want to have my mind clean and try to help my country, I dont want this addiction to absolutely destroy my life, so thats why Im searching for a spark of hope..


PD: English is not my native lenguage, so pardon me for my horrible grammar.

Hi,

It's said that "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

The single and first step for recovery is your admitting your addiction. Thumbs up for your courage!!! You sound like a very conscious and intelligent young man.

The next step is educating yourself - watch everything you can on www.yourbrainonporn.com and read the threads of your peers on RB (Reboot Nation).

Then, try to talk to a good friend, parent, professional, or relative who will not be judgemental. You need to speak up. You need to speak freely and openly to someone you trust. If you keep this to yourself, the perception of shame and feeling shit are bigger and heavier...

Also, write a journal or keep posting here, using this space as a journal.

Some people experience a lot of improvement when they take care of other areas, such as spiritual, physical, social, and the like. I, myself, improved a lot since I started back at the gym. It helps me dealing with my anxiety and keeping my mind away from porn pictures, because of the well-being that working out and being with other people who like to do it give to me. Find out what makes you feel good when you do physical exercise (it can be swimming, dancing, playing volleyball, etc).

Besides, try to help other people with the same challenges or other challenges in life. Help those people who have more difficulty in things you are good at. For example, if you are good at math, volunteer to help some struggling students, younger than you, who will not lead you to sexual thoughts. Voluntary work is wonderful for many people.

And you can count on me and the people here.

May Heavenly Father bless you in your efforts!

Greeting from rainy Brazil!

Thanks, I really appreciate your words, I got this feeling that now I can throw porn to the trash can where it belongs. I will start working out again and I will try to start playing chess. Also I will try to find a blocker to denegate porn access. And again thanks brother.

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Day 1:
I saw not even one single pic or video but I feel really tired, hopefully this will dissapear soon...

;D ;D ;D ;D

Congrats on your Day 1
Remember that there are many relapses along the way, so your day 1 can come back sometimes - don't worry - continue!

Day 1 can become Day 100 or even Day 1000

But Day 1 will always be better than No Day...

What is your mother tongue? Russian? Portuguese? I'd like to send you some good things in your language...

Have a wonderful day!

Its spanish

EDIT:
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Day 2: I was having some weird dream that a pornstar was in my car and she was happy lolz. I waked up and I though of watching her at my computer but I said no and didnt do anything .

Day 3
I had some urges when I saw a hot sloot on Instagram with some cleavage so I unfollowed her asap lol.

Congratulations, Buddy!

I saw a video the other day that made me feel so stupid... Exactly what internet porn does to us...

Please, take a look at them:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agtDDP0c1kA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwrNy2lgITY

Wow its almost the same as us humans, this made me hate more porn.

Day 4:
I dream I was searching porn in my computer, not joking, its serious; but I woke up and said f*** off. I had small urges all day long but I said no and I started doing other things

Day 5:

No porn at all

Day 6:
I had really some urges and wanted to watch porn but nah

Day 7:
I watched some porn but I didnt jerk off.. do I have to reset?

I wont reset then I watched it intentionally it poped up all those sudden with those random ads -.-

Day 8:
I didnt even open the internet browser lol

Day 9:
Same as Day 8, I got some really bad urges but I will stop them, Im wishing that it was monday already so I could go to the University and leave all my shitty mobile devices at home

Your are doing a good job, it's great that at 17 yo you already know it's bad for you. It's good to change your bad habit to helpyourself, like leaving your phone at home, or maybe without battery?

yeah I will leave this phone without battery and prephars I will buy a 10 dollar phone that is just used to call

Day 10:
I was thinking about porn but I said no and I didnt even opened google chrome

Day 11:
I went out to eat and buy some things.
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Tomorrow is my first day at the University, and I actually dont feel nerves thanks to not watching porn, Im so thankful, also I will send a letter to the medicine deanery in order to apply for a scolarship, wish me luck guys; and Im seriously talking; life without porn is absolutely worth it I hope I dont brake my streak

Good idea! Congrat, for myself, I went to see friend. Social helped a lot!

yes social life helps a lot, I will try to get a half time job so I get so concentrated into it and I make some extra cash ;D Lets beat this bitch called porn man