I thought I was Asexual

Newman93

Member
I am 20 years old, I had been masturbating since I was about 10, and on porn since about 12.

A little while ago I decided I was borderline Asexual, after some internet research. I then decided to give up on masturbation and porn. Since then I have had some return of sexual functionality (morning erections, occasional arousal).

It was only recently I stumbled upon this site. I had never attributed my erectile dysfunction and loss of libido to porn addiction! I thought there was something wrong with me and it was eating me up inside. I was terrified that people would find out and judge me, and this has affected my confidence severely. It is good to now know that I am still a man and I just need to rewire my brain a little.

I was in serious denial for so long about my ED, scared that it was my fault and trying to blame anything else (alcohol, nerves, smoking, marijuana, subconscious homosexuality, Asexuality etc) After a little while without porn and masturbation I am starting to regain sexual functions. I am often waking up with an erection, I have a wet dream 1/2 times a month, and I sometimes feel arousal/attraction towards real life women.

I had started rebooting without knowing what I was doing, I just thought there was no point in having a sex life if it wasn't with real partners, and was tired of bitter thoughts whilst masturbating. I have only just stumbled upon this site and its information, which I have now consumed to great relief.

The worst part of my experience has been the feeling of 'dead penis' (it was such a relief to learn this term), and having to hear and join in with friends talking about sex and the like.

Thanks to this site, I have hope of regaining a sex life. Maybe I don't have to be alone forever. I gave up porn entirely about 1 month ago, having dipped in and out of it for about 2 months before this. I last masturbated 2 weeks ago (without visual stimuli) but I don't plan to do this again until recovery as it caused depression and might be counter-productive.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
hel-looooooooo Newman-    ;D

LoL, so we have a Kramer and now a Newman.
All we need now are Jerry, George, and Elaine  ;D

Anyway, welcome to RN. I didn't catch anything about you having any sex with a real woman either
past or present.
As far as thinking you were Asexual, I don't believe so.
Something got you hard and if your source material included women
with guys going balls deep, than your heterosexual.

But Asexual means you are not turned on by either gender.
Which is why I was asking what your love life is like now because it's
related to your question.

By the way, a lot of times when I was single, I didn't mind getting rejected as much
because I knew I could always go home and rub one out. Even when I had a girlfriend
with a good sex life, I still beat my meat, just not as often. And all it's gotten me
is limp dick. So I'm rebooting hoping to go back to normal.
 

Newman93

Member
Hey, what is that reference to? 'Cheers' or something?

Ah okay, I guess I should have mentioned something about actual sexual encounters :p Apologies if too much information or irrelevance, it's just easier to type it as I remember it.

Well I used to have quite a libido around the time I lost my virginity at 16, but my erection strength has always been a little unreliable with my real encounters. As I mentioned in the post, I had already been using porn for a while, which now leads me to believe that this might be the reason why.

I had trouble staying erect that first time and all times with that partner and we eventually broke up, she was a couple years older and I think sex was very important to her.

I then had a girl come on strong and sexual through Facebook, we agreed that she would come round my house for sex after some internet dirty talk. So she came round, and I had no lift off or arousal whatsoever (she was very attractive too, like my idea of perfect at the time) so I just did my best to please her but she didn't seem happy, didn't see her again, she said she found someone else.

Then I was in a long term relationship with someone and was mostly okay, erection wise but - able to have sex generally, but not perfect. We broke up as I felt she had some issues that were making the relationship less than perfect for me, and I wasn't very attracted to her.

I met a girl whilst clubbing, we got on well, she seemed keen, we went out for drinks another couple times. She then persuaded me to invite her back to mine, with some story about not being able to get her bus at night or something (made sense while I was drunk). We fooled around, but I only had it up long enough for a couple seconds of intercourse before I lost it and had to just pleasure her other ways.

I had a party whilst my family were on holiday, and afterwards my friend "Regina" crashed in my bed with me. Except we didn't sleep, we just fooled around most of the night. I mainly did stuff for her, I barely had it up but was able to orgasm to both of our surprise once.

After this I stopped trying to meet girls, lost my interest in relationships and sex. I still used porn to masturbate but with a lot less enthusiasm. At this point I was 19 years old and I thought I was Asexual.

I had some thoughts that I might be gay, or Bi or something. Talked about this with a male friend whilst out drinking, we went back to his house and I tried doing stuff with him (just masturbation/oral). He seemed to like it but I felt strange the whole time, and very uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I'm not gay after this, at least with girls I always enjoyed it on some level.

Flash-forward all the way to last night, my friend (the female one, "Regina", from the party) came up to see me at my Uni house, she slept at mine, and although I set up the sofa bed for myself so she could have the bed with another girl who was crashing at mine, she climbed in with me and started trying to seduce me by "accidentally" shuffling against me. We ended up playing around most of the night, me mainly doing stuff for her but I was able to have her masturbate/oral me to finish one time. I think my erection might have been just about good enough for penetrative sex.

...
I think that is all of my sexual history, laid out on the table.

How long have you been rebooting Viper? Any progress?
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Hey, what is that reference to? 'Cheers' or something?
Same network but try again.

Well I used to have quite a libido around the time I lost my virginity at 16, but my erection strength has always been a little unreliable with my real encounters. As I mentioned in the post, I had already been using porn for a while, which now leads me to believe that this might be the reason why.
Probably so. Were you able to jerk without porn?

I had trouble staying erect that first time and all times with that partner and we eventually broke up, she was a couple years older and I think sex was very important to her.
Yeah, this is why I mention in some of my post. I'm lucky that my problem materialized during my current relationship. Most other women I've been involved with would not tolerate a limp dick dude that couldn't perform
I then had a girl come on strong and sexual through Facebook, we agreed that she would come round my house for sex after some internet dirty talk. So she came round, and I had no lift off or arousal whatsoever (she was very attractive too, like my idea of perfect at the time) so I just did my best to please her but she didn't seem happy, didn't see her again, she said she found someone else.
Don't beat yourself up, that can happen. Even if you are fantasizing about a porn performer you thought was a perfect 10. After so much repeated exposure of fulfilling your reward circuit, even she wouldn't be able to turn it up for you. That sucks.

I met a girl whilst clubbing
,
now we're talking  8)

we got on well, she seemed keen, we went out for drinks another couple times. She then persuaded me to invite her back to mine, with some story about not being able to get her bus at night or something
LoL, that's code for "take me home, I'm yours"
Pretty much the same line that I use when I want to get some sugar walls.

We fooled around, but I only had it up long enough for a couple seconds of intercourse before I lost it and had to just pleasure her other ways.
Guess you had to play with the cards you were dealt that night

I had a party whilst my family were on holiday, and afterwards my friend "Regina" crashed in my bed with me. Except we didn't sleep, we just fooled around most of the night. I mainly did stuff for her, I barely had it up but was able to orgasm to both of our surprise once.

After this I stopped trying to meet girls, lost my interest in relationships and sex. I still used porn to masturbate but with a lot less enthusiasm.
Yeah, I pretty much had the same feeling only I was in a relationship. Her naked body did almost nothing for me after some time and there were moments I was even struggling PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm). So you can only imagine what was going through my head. Here it is, porn, as I understood it was supposed to turn me on and it had for years, decades even, and now I was struggling to do that. Even with images of women whom I thought were perfect 10


Flash-forward all the way to last night, my friend (the female one, "Regina", from the party) came up to see me at my Uni house, she slept at mine, and although I set up the sofa bed for myself so she could have the bed with another girl who was crashing at mine, she climbed in with me and started trying to seduce me by "accidentally" shuffling against me. We ended up playing around most of the night, me mainly doing stuff for her but I was able to have her masturbate/oral me to finish one time. I think my erection might have been just about good enough for penetrative sex.

ok, it appears that you're having some PIED issues that have lead to some introspection. You can address the limp dick by rebooting. Have you browsed the journals in your age bracket yet?
I recommend you do that and you'll see lots of guys your age going through the same thing. To reverse this, it will take a serious commitment on your part. We all know how tempting it is to slide back into porn. Look at it the same way you would when you have to study for a final exam. No matter how smart your are, you have to put in the time, energy, and focus to cover the material. Takes discipline and I believe you have it in you. Keep reading on this site and some of the others it was inspired by. Read the success stories too. I'm somewhere in the middle passage but my goal is to be one of the success stories.


How long have you been rebooting Viper? Any progress?
It's been just over 60 days for me. I believe I'm on the right track.
When it comes to the urge or thoughts of PMOing, some days are better than others. If I didn't have a significant other, than I don't know how I would've handled this process. I would've been more freaked out because if a new girl entered my life, then I wouldn't know how I would explain any dysfunction. Keep in mind though, I'm twice your age and have had a fair share of intimacy with a fair amount of women. So to be in my 40's and experience this is a lot to take. But the good news is that I'm not alone and I've gotten great support from some good people on this forum and we're all trying to overcome. And you can too

One note about rebooting that applies to something you wrote earlier, I would stop facebook as well.
 

Newman93

Member
Haha I cheated, it was Seinfeld :)

I don't think I ever really did it without porn by the time I was 16ish. Possibly using 'Wank Bank' (sexual encounter memories).

I'm going to start browsing the journals after I post this.

I am quite confident that I will never switch back to porn again, as it has obviously made my life much tougher and I am currently not tempted.

A couple things I was wondering:

1. I should stop Facebook entirely? I use it as part of my uni, and to keep in contact with people. It is a great networking tool for me at the moment and whenever I release music I like to put it on there so more people hear it. Part of me dislikes Facebook, but not sure how it would effect my reboot. Please elaborate.

2. Is it good to keep trying to fool around with girls? If I concentrate on their needs and if they're able to pleasure me, I see it as a bonus. Does this help me rewire?

3. I am focusing a lot on improving my fitness, will this help the process? Or could I get addicted to exercising and somehow screw my reboot?
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
I am quite confident that I will never switch back to porn again, as it has obviously made my life much tougher and I am currently not tempted.
That's awesome news!


1. I should stop Facebook entirely? I use it as part of my uni, and to keep in contact with people. It is a great networking tool for me at the moment and whenever I release music I like to put it on there so more people hear it. Part of me dislikes Facebook, but not sure how it would effect my reboot. Please elaborate.
You never mentioned other reasons for keeping facebook so I assumed
it was just for you and the people you know, and of course, feedin' the geese.
And I didn't know you were a musician. Me saying avoid facebook is pretty much advising not to use any
media format that allows you to browse one gal after another. YOu mentioned jerkin' to women on facebook.
So this goes for dating sites and mens magazines that has a bunch of images that trigger those lustful impulses.


2. Is it good to keep trying to fool around with girls? If I concentrate on their needs and if they're able to pleasure me, I see it as a bonus. Does this help me rewire?
Well, we all have to get laid. Nothing wrong with chasing tail but try to keep
it in the real world and off the internet. You seem active and social so there should be a bevy of women at your disposal. College is the time of your life that you have access to women all at or near the prime of their looks.
Not say to be a Don Juan or a playa' (slang we use in USA for a indiscriminate booty chaser)

One thing you will notice is that the further you distance yourself from porn, the more you will recognize and appreciate
what female companionship is and not just seeing them for a pair of tits and ass. That is something I've been working on as well. But you seem to be on the right track already. It's about staying away from material that repeatedly feeds your mind images of lust.

3. I am focusing a lot on improving my fitness, will this help the process? Or could I get addicted to exercising and somehow screw my reboot?

Absolutely! Reason being in my opinion is that working out is a lifestyle program
that you par take in to get certain desired result. A good result that benefits your mind, body, and soul.
YOu also mention being a musician, that's also damn good. Again, it's something that requires a lot of your attention and you're building this musical profile.

Last but certainly not least, you're in college.
Same things apply. Stay in school, earn your degree, and stay away from porn. You'll have a healthy libido before you know it. I can't give you a time table. You'll just have to have faith and stick to the program.



P.S. I've never heard that term 'wank bank' ...LoL
 
M

Mart71

Guest
Hi and welcome!

I had never attributed my erectile dysfunction and loss of libido to porn addiction!

Yeah, I didn't do that as well and I also though, I was asexual. My ex gf actually claimed that, since I wasn't very much interested in her sexually.

Stopping porn completely changed my (sex) life. Without going into details, I am now having the sex life I always thought I should have and that I wanted.

Just live with the mindset, that porn is gone from your life and start "living" your life now. Porn is a poison for the mind in a way I didn't expect it to be. And not the philosophical or religious poison many anti-porn guys like to bring up, but actual brain altering poison.
 

Newman93

Member
Thanks Mart71

I'm glad to hear you've gone through a similar circumstance to me and recovered.

"Just live with the mindset, that porn is gone from your life and start "living" your life now"

This is exactly what I will do! :) nicely put
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Mart71 said:
Hi and welcome!

I had never attributed my erectile dysfunction and loss of libido to porn addiction!

Yeah, I didn't do that as well and I also though, I was asexual. My ex gf actually claimed that, since I wasn't very much interested in her sexually.

Stopping porn completely changed my (sex) life. Without going into details, I am now having the sex life I always thought I should have and that I wanted.

Just live with the mindset, that porn is gone from your life and start "living" your life now. Porn is a poison for the mind in a way I didn't expect it to be. And not the philosophical or religious poison many anti-porn guys like to bring up, but actual brain altering poison.

how long did it take you Mart?
 
M

Mart71

Guest
Viper said:
how long did it take you Mart?

It is still ongoing, but in six months i made serious progress. Keep in mind, that is still using ED drugs.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Mart71 said:
Viper said:
how long did it take you Mart?

It is still ongoing, but in six months i made serious progress. Keep in mind, that is still using ED drugs.

I'm glad something is working for you. I just wish dick pills weren't
so expensive. So you can imagine how frustrating it can be when they don't work. I'm only 2 months in my
reboot and I'm starting to get a little arousal. I haven't had a rock hard mushroom tip in quite some time. Just semi stiff. So I"m hoping that I can reach your level in the next few months. We shall see
 

Newman93

Member
The last time I remember having an erection was Sunday morning, but it wasn't strong. This was when I was with a girl, pleasuring her.

I haven't noticed any morning wood or spontaneous erections, however I don't feel as empty and dead as I did previously but still not aroused at all. I haven't tested at all, and I've been skipping sex scenes in films (I dunno how I'm going to watch Game of Thrones...)

I am going running nearly every day, home exercising a bit too, and going rock climbing a couple times a week. This is definitely helping my self esteem. I could do with a bit more socialising though, this is something I've got to be working on.

Some things I didn't mention in my previous posts (as I wasn't sure of their relevance) are that I've been going through a lot of issues this past 6 months. It is my first year at University, where I have moved away from home. I came up here as a party loving, sociable person. I did however smoke (I quit soon after getting to uni), smoke weed, take MDMA (Ecstasy) and I also would drink too often, to the point of losing control/memories. I took a drug called Salvia (a dissociative, hallucinogenic like legal smokable) in the first month of Uni. This caused me to have the freakiest, most unpleasant trip that I could never describe. I have been battling psychosis and anxiety since, however I feel essentially cured lately.

I quit all drugs (alcohol too) and this has helped me regain my sanity. I also feel that the exercise has been a huge help, with the side effect of helping me get over body issues stemming from childhood. Quitting porn and masturbation has come easy to me, as I am now well practised at quitting things.

I post this as I have been feeling lonely today - my family were coming to see me but instead did something else instead - and I wanted to share some things about myself, as I feel that this website is the first place I can truly voice what is going on inside me and not feel isolated.

Thank you for reading
 

PerAspera

New Member
Man, I can relate to your Game of Thrones concern. Especially since they seem to throw in random, unecessary boob scenes about every other episode lol. Media these days is so saturated with sex scenes and references that triggers are everywhere. In fact, last time I had a decent streak going it was a scene from True Detective that wouldn't leave my mind until I gave in.

I've decided that at least for these few months I'm going to cut out as much TV/movies as possible with the exception of PG comedies and weekly necessary GoT (somehow skipping through the boob scenes), would recommend the same to anyone on this journey
 

Newman93

Member
Cheers for the comment, PerAspera

I think I will put off watching Game Of Thrones for a while, at least till I'm home with family for the summer (2 months). And then maybe if I watch it with someone I wont be tempted, we'll see.

I am also cutting out most TV/movies, although I plan to continue to watch educational documentaries
 

Newman93

Member
Hey,

Hey Viper

I'm doing pretty well, not much has changed though. I'm keeping occupied and exercising a load still. How are you?

I kept getting fantasy urges last night, my mind kept wanting to think about sex and I kept catching myself with my hand in my pants. I kept it at bay though.

Mostly I haven't had any arousal, and no wet dreams in a couple weeks. I can't remember any morning erections either for that matter.

Maybe I have been flat-lining again? Feeling like this is going to be a very long process

Any thoughts?

Thanks
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
I'm doing alright considering the circumstances. Still have my struggles but I'm coping knowing it's gonna get better than worse.
Yeah, there's really no use to rely on a time table simply because everyone is going react differently to this drastic
change in lifestyle. So however your body chemistry responds will dictate. All we can do is take command of what
we can control to help. So you staying away from porn and wanking are all positives. And yes, the urges are still
there. Just the other night I wanted to wank so bad but resisted, thank goodness. So just live your life and not
wonder when you wake up the next morning if that day will be the day that you can get regular hard-ons.

Looking forward to visiting this forum when I get home is a welcome change for when I used to go home thinking
which porn scene I wanted to see. Usually depends on who i saw on the train or on the street somewhere.
If it was a petite Latin woman, that's who i would browse for to beat my meat to. Now I'm logging into here
trying to see if I can offer something and also express what I'm going through. After all, we're fighting the same war.
But we have to take it one battle at a time-
 

Newman93

Member
I love your attitude towards this process, it's the kind that I'm trying to have too.

Some days I feel great, I concentrate on music or exercise or socialise and I don't think about the reboot at all :).

But then if I'm having a bad day, stressed or tired etc I can feel a little hopeless. It's days like this that I feel at the very start of a VERY long journey.

But everything has been better since I joined this forum, even on the bad days I'm no longer thinking "What's wrong with me, I'm the only person in the world with my stupid problem" and feeling that I have to keep it a secret from everyone like I used to. And I feel like I'm actually taking action by rebooting, which feels 100x healthier.

I found it interesting what you said about the people you met influencing your porn tastes.

It's as you say, "We're fighting the same war" and I will keep fighting the good fight :)
 

Newman93

Member
Just a quick update on my progress...

My mood has been pretty okay, been feeling slightly more sociable and confident in most areas. Very little arousal, slight morning erections and I had a wet dream a couple nights ago. That's the first one in a couple months. No porn cravings, very little urge to masturbate. I have been slightly more interested in attractive women, but I haven't really had the chance to properly meet any yet.
 
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