As the title states, I felt a huge relief when I stumbled onto this site (and others) regarding porn-induced ED. And that happened about 2 hours ago and I've been reading up on the subject ever since. I had no idea this was a real affliction (not sure what else to call it) that affected other men. But after reading awhile I realized it is exactly what I have been dealing with, and it's a huge relief knowing I'm not alone and it is a legit issue. It's been one of the most awful things I have ever dealt with in my life.
I felt compelled to share my little story, I'm not sure if anyone can relate. At the very least I get it off my chest.
I'm 35 years old, married for 12 years. The majority of my marriage, we had a normal, healthy sex life. Regular sex, no performance issues at all. About 2 - 2.5 years ago my wife and I started having major relationship issues. These issue led us to sleeping in separate beds and nearly zero intimacy. We were basically roommates.
In turn I started watching porn and masturbating more and more. What started out at maybe 3-4 times a week, grew and grew. Before long I was exhibiting all the signs frequently described: changing "genres", increased time watching/masturbating and more with more frequency.
Towards the end of this period, I was spending a large portion of the day watching porn and masturbating. A ridiculous amount of time I wasted on it. I had become addicted to it. I never masturbated unless I was watching/reading some type of porn. What started as something I did to fill the hole my lack of sex w/ my wife created, grew into a full blown addiction. I didn't even recognize it until...
A couple months ago my wife and I began to grow closer again. We worked out some of the issues that had caused us to grow apart. We started to sleep in the same bed again and both felt a strong desire to start having sex again. And then came the horrifying realization; I couldn't get it up.
At all. Nothing, zero, zilch. She was certainly very ready and I was showing zero signs. I had never in my life had this problem before. The first time this happened it stung my ego and pride bad. Really bad. I was angry and humiliated. We both chalked it up to us not being together for a long time and I tried not to focus on it, even though it was gnawing at me.
Then maybe 4-5 days later we tried again and same thing. She was trying everything possible and zero results. Once I started to realize it may not happen, then the negativity sets in, and it just snowballs. A huge flood of very strong emotions poured over me. A ton of anger, humiliation, confusion...you name it. A lot of questions ran through my mind...what the hell is wrong with me?....is this permanent? Then of course she had the understandable reaction that there's something wrong with her. So not only do I feel like absolute crap, I have to assure her that it's not her fault. It was terrible.
I started to think what could be the problem and how do I fix it. I realized the porn/masturbation issue might be at the heart of this but didn't put too much stock into it. I started to wonder if it was something physical and considered getting some ED pills.
Another week or so passed, we tried again. Basically the same results, I was able to get a little bit more function than the previous time but it certainly wasn't close to 100%. The awful feelings and questions continued to build. It is really hard to describe how awful the feeling is when you can't perform.
Out of desperation we then had a very open and honest conversation. I told her that while we were "apart" I had been watching a lot of porn and masturbating. She made the link sooner than I did and said that because that is how I had become accustomed to getting off, that being with her was foreign to my brain. She said it would take some time to get things back in order and made me promise her not to watch any porn or masturbate. I agreed.
So that's where we stand. That happened 3 days ago. I haven't watched any porn or masturbated since then. Honestly, it's tough keeping that promise. I find myself skirting the edge of that a little, looking at stuff that has women in it/on it, but no nudity or porn per say. I haven't masturbated and honestly don't feel a big desire to. Regarding the porn, for me it was always the build-up that was more exciting to me than the actual climax. If that makes any sense.
So, sorry for the long read but like I said, I'm so glad I found these sites and really needed to get that off my chest.
At this point I guess I'll just follow through on the no porn and masturbating thing for the near future. If anyone has any other tips, please throw them my way.
I felt compelled to share my little story, I'm not sure if anyone can relate. At the very least I get it off my chest.
I'm 35 years old, married for 12 years. The majority of my marriage, we had a normal, healthy sex life. Regular sex, no performance issues at all. About 2 - 2.5 years ago my wife and I started having major relationship issues. These issue led us to sleeping in separate beds and nearly zero intimacy. We were basically roommates.
In turn I started watching porn and masturbating more and more. What started out at maybe 3-4 times a week, grew and grew. Before long I was exhibiting all the signs frequently described: changing "genres", increased time watching/masturbating and more with more frequency.
Towards the end of this period, I was spending a large portion of the day watching porn and masturbating. A ridiculous amount of time I wasted on it. I had become addicted to it. I never masturbated unless I was watching/reading some type of porn. What started as something I did to fill the hole my lack of sex w/ my wife created, grew into a full blown addiction. I didn't even recognize it until...
A couple months ago my wife and I began to grow closer again. We worked out some of the issues that had caused us to grow apart. We started to sleep in the same bed again and both felt a strong desire to start having sex again. And then came the horrifying realization; I couldn't get it up.
At all. Nothing, zero, zilch. She was certainly very ready and I was showing zero signs. I had never in my life had this problem before. The first time this happened it stung my ego and pride bad. Really bad. I was angry and humiliated. We both chalked it up to us not being together for a long time and I tried not to focus on it, even though it was gnawing at me.
Then maybe 4-5 days later we tried again and same thing. She was trying everything possible and zero results. Once I started to realize it may not happen, then the negativity sets in, and it just snowballs. A huge flood of very strong emotions poured over me. A ton of anger, humiliation, confusion...you name it. A lot of questions ran through my mind...what the hell is wrong with me?....is this permanent? Then of course she had the understandable reaction that there's something wrong with her. So not only do I feel like absolute crap, I have to assure her that it's not her fault. It was terrible.
I started to think what could be the problem and how do I fix it. I realized the porn/masturbation issue might be at the heart of this but didn't put too much stock into it. I started to wonder if it was something physical and considered getting some ED pills.
Another week or so passed, we tried again. Basically the same results, I was able to get a little bit more function than the previous time but it certainly wasn't close to 100%. The awful feelings and questions continued to build. It is really hard to describe how awful the feeling is when you can't perform.
Out of desperation we then had a very open and honest conversation. I told her that while we were "apart" I had been watching a lot of porn and masturbating. She made the link sooner than I did and said that because that is how I had become accustomed to getting off, that being with her was foreign to my brain. She said it would take some time to get things back in order and made me promise her not to watch any porn or masturbate. I agreed.
So that's where we stand. That happened 3 days ago. I haven't watched any porn or masturbated since then. Honestly, it's tough keeping that promise. I find myself skirting the edge of that a little, looking at stuff that has women in it/on it, but no nudity or porn per say. I haven't masturbated and honestly don't feel a big desire to. Regarding the porn, for me it was always the build-up that was more exciting to me than the actual climax. If that makes any sense.
So, sorry for the long read but like I said, I'm so glad I found these sites and really needed to get that off my chest.
At this point I guess I'll just follow through on the no porn and masturbating thing for the near future. If anyone has any other tips, please throw them my way.