...and I've relapsed. Again.

Hi all,

I hit a pretty great milestone (for me anyway) a couple months back, but a few weeks ago I followed the road leading from cute girls on Instagram to the same porn videos I always end up watching. Since then I've given in about every few days. I feel a little numb, and am pretty disappointed in my lack of willpower.

Am I really so bored and addicted that I respond to any quiet time alone by thinking about smut? I'm sick of these urges and sometimes it feels like it's just going to be a struggle forever. 

Seriously thinking about a total media fast just to get my brain reacquainted with reality.

Anyway, trying to stay positive and not beat myself up too badly about it, but I don't want to let myself off the hook either.

God bless, folks.

Hi there  dont beat yourself up on this stuff  just learn from it so you have another tool  to continue the fight    We have never chatted before  but I do like to read others successes  as well as failures so I can offer my support    Since you only have this one entry  I have no reference point  for you  I dont  know your age circumstances  exc exc  What else do you like to do with your time  hobbies  sports  music/movies  this ,might be a good place to start

  cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

CarcharodonMeg said:

Hi all,

I hit a pretty great milestone (for me anyway) a couple months back, but a few weeks ago I followed the road leading from cute girls on Instagram to the same porn videos I always end up watching. Since then I've given in about every few days. I feel a little numb, and am pretty disappointed in my lack of willpower.

Am I really so bored and addicted that I respond to any quiet time alone by thinking about smut? I'm sick of these urges and sometimes it feels like it's just going to be a struggle forever. 

Seriously thinking about a total media fast just to get my brain reacquainted with reality.

Anyway, trying to stay positive and not beat myself up too badly about it, but I don't want to let myself off the hook either.

God bless, folks.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't focus on the lack of willpower.  I'd focus on what triggers are there that make you lose control.  The fewer triggers you deal with, the more your willpower can flourish.  With all of the triggers happening, no addict stands a chance.  You can't expect someone to quit alcohol if they're sitting in a bar all day... in fact, alcoholic recovery groups often advise to reroute the drive home if you're going to even be near a bar!

The big one that showed up on your post is Instagram.  That stuff is poison.  They want clicks, and they get it with good looking women.  The women want clicks too, and unfortunately many learn how to get them.  This is far more true if Instagram is often your first stop on a porn session.  Think of Pavlov's dogs and the bell - they responded to the bell by salivating, even though the bell on its own had nothing to do with food.  The pre-porn routine knocks you into "zombie mode" and then you're stuck there, helpless against porn's attacks.

A total media fast isn't a bad idea.  It might make more sense to figure out which media you need to quit and leave it at that.  I say that because sometimes having too big of a goal (that is, an unrealistic one) is a recipe for failure.  You need to check your email from home for something, and then suddenly you think "I've already broken the rules, I'll just check this..." whereas if you allowed yourself to email to begin with, it will mean less of a problem.  Only you will be able to figure out those details, and it may take some trial and error.  When I was quitting, my PC usage went from daily routine to almost nothing.  As luck would have it, my favorite porn sites were horrible on mobile, so it was easier for me to avoid relapsing when I did everything with my phone.  I don't expect that to be true for anyone except me, though.

I am in IT and for the last 15 years I have been in front of a computer for 8-9 hours.  If we do not believe the devil is running the Internet we are sadly mistaken.    I am facing a career change because of it.  The constant images and links spurn me everyday into a down-word spiral.  You can be interesting in a recipe for Home Made Chili and there will be bikini models flashing on the side.  I am sick of it but cannot escape.  Yes and then there is Instagram.  POISON indeed.