DayByDay
Active Member
Sorry ... I really should've started off with this first. I am 21 years old. Currently in 3rd year at University where I study Product Design. Part of my 3rd year involves a 6 month internship. Soooo I am working two jobs at the moment, one is in a kitchen place, Monday to Friday 9-5 where I design kitchens, the other is in a cinema over the weekends. I use the money from the cinema to pay bills and stuff like that. I spend what little free time I have either surfing the web, playing some video games on my pc, working on a motorcycle Im currently restoring with my dad ... Or worrying! Yeh I have a tendency to either worry a lot or just overthink things.
So ... To be honest I am not even sure where I should begin because the past few years have been way to much of a roller coaster for me. I am quiet, I keep to myself and well recently its felt like I keep to myself to much. My PMO habit isn't helping this either.
When I was younger and first being introduced into the world of women I was constantly looking around, thinking about them ... You know as you do. So when I first discovered Porn tubes at the age of 16 I thought that they were the greatest things in the world. No longer did I have to imagine anything, or watch some TV shows, I could simply click online, pick literally any girl I wanted and boom, 5 minutes later I was satisfied.
5 years down the line ... its even easier to access and I'm still hitting it up every day.
The first year or two I didn't think it was much of an issue. Actually probably the first three years. I had two steady girlfriends in this three year period and a number of flings. It was only at the last girlfriend that I noticed I had a problem. Well ... I think it was me, she was always too nice to say, but I could never do for her what she could do for me. Things went south with that relationship and I ended up single for about 10 months. During this time I PMO'ed a lot. Whenever it cropped up in my head I'd either pull out my phone and find a quiet place or if I was at home, lock my door and watch it on my TV instead. It normally only lasted 5 minutes but because it was so short and it felt good, I found myself doing it whenever I thought of it.
I met this guy around Christmas 2012 and he literally turned my life upside down in one night. I hooked up with him, fooled around with him and started to question my sexuality. It took my me three months of uncertainty to realise that maybe I was bi-sexual. Anyways further down the line we ended up dating. It was the happiest I had ever been in a relationship. He was like a best friend to me and because he was 3 or 4 years older I was doing social things I wouldn't normally have done (being the quiet guy I am).For the first few months I went without PMO but as time went on I started to do it more and more again. I was having the best of both worlds. An intimate relationship (with a guy who I found easier to talk to as opposed to any girl) and any girl I ever wanted in the form of PMO.
He caught me one day, not in the act, but a tab open on my browser. He questioned it and felt like crap about it but I told him I was just bored and was trying to keep myself busy.
So exactly one year after we had hooked up we were both out at a work Christmas party and long story short, I ended up in hospital and he ended up in a police station as he had assaulted me because of a girl I had been chatting to (nothing had happened between us he was just always very jealous of things like that, especially because I was BI so was attracted to both sexes). Things got really bad after that for me and I was so hurt because this was the person I had opened up most to and he had just turned on me in an instant. Even if it was a drunken mistake like he claimed it didn't make me feel much better.
Because we work together and because I truly believe he was sorry for what he had done i agreed we could still be friends and hang out but that was it. No more relationship. To this day we still hang out a bit but to be honest, it feels like we are still together emotionally just not physically. We hook up every now and then but I barley enjoy it ... I dont even know what I do it. Its not good because I dont enjoy it and its giving him some sort of hope that we may end up back dating.
Anyways that was a year ago and he was the last person Ive been with. The reason why Ive gone into detail so much about him is because well, all the PMO I ever watched was with women, never guys. I tried it a few times but It just didnt do it for me, yet when I was with him I could get hard no problem (at least at the start). So Its left me in a lot of uncertainty with regards to my sexuality. Is it just him was attracted to, was he just a really good friend to me, was I curious ... I dunno ...
Since christmas 2013 Ive only really spoken to one girl intimatley since then. We would snapchat a lot, some photos here and there, no nudes but revealing shots. It was fun and i loved it but when it came to meeting up I just had no "drive" or "ambition" to go and meet up with her. I thought it was partly because of nerves and because its been so long since Ive been with a girl but after finding this sight I now think its mostly to do with PMO as I had hooked up with her frequently years ago so it shouldnt have felt new of awkward. It feels like PMO has destroyed my sex drive. Also in my mind why would I go through all those awkward feelings and nerves when I could open up my computer and resolve the issue in minutes. Because I had cancelled on her a few times we ended up falling out and now were not speaking.
So Ive been single and probably somewhat lonely, no scratch that really lonely the past year and well PMO seems like the perfect answer. Although its not. I know its not. I need a real person to share my life experiences with, not as you put it, pixels on a screen.
I found this website a few days ago and I have tried twice no to post my introduction. I didnt really know what to say in it and the above is a very brief and probably poorly explained summary of the last two years.
I want to stop with Porn.
I want to meet new people.
I want to go out and live my life.
I want to be confident and outgoing
I want to see loads of women and enjoy my 20s before I find the right girl for me.
I havnt PMOed since Easter Monday although I have used my imagination a few times since then, once this morning and once on Wednesday night. Is it okay to do this ? I understand that you shouldn't use any other forums of "inspiration" other than your own brain. Or should I try and go a week or two without any Masturbation ?
So since the last time was Monday, and its now Friday I guess Its ... Day 5 for me now. I feel fine, well fine as in I feel like I always have. So I guess Im just going to wait it out a bit more and see how Im feeling.
I will try and post daily but it might be tough with work commitments.
If anybody has any advice, inputs, tips, tricks or comments please feel free to post below.
As I said I am quiet guy but I am pretty easy to talk to once the ball gets rolling.
Thanks and hopefully Ill be hearing from yous soon.
A
So ... To be honest I am not even sure where I should begin because the past few years have been way to much of a roller coaster for me. I am quiet, I keep to myself and well recently its felt like I keep to myself to much. My PMO habit isn't helping this either.
When I was younger and first being introduced into the world of women I was constantly looking around, thinking about them ... You know as you do. So when I first discovered Porn tubes at the age of 16 I thought that they were the greatest things in the world. No longer did I have to imagine anything, or watch some TV shows, I could simply click online, pick literally any girl I wanted and boom, 5 minutes later I was satisfied.
5 years down the line ... its even easier to access and I'm still hitting it up every day.
The first year or two I didn't think it was much of an issue. Actually probably the first three years. I had two steady girlfriends in this three year period and a number of flings. It was only at the last girlfriend that I noticed I had a problem. Well ... I think it was me, she was always too nice to say, but I could never do for her what she could do for me. Things went south with that relationship and I ended up single for about 10 months. During this time I PMO'ed a lot. Whenever it cropped up in my head I'd either pull out my phone and find a quiet place or if I was at home, lock my door and watch it on my TV instead. It normally only lasted 5 minutes but because it was so short and it felt good, I found myself doing it whenever I thought of it.
I met this guy around Christmas 2012 and he literally turned my life upside down in one night. I hooked up with him, fooled around with him and started to question my sexuality. It took my me three months of uncertainty to realise that maybe I was bi-sexual. Anyways further down the line we ended up dating. It was the happiest I had ever been in a relationship. He was like a best friend to me and because he was 3 or 4 years older I was doing social things I wouldn't normally have done (being the quiet guy I am).For the first few months I went without PMO but as time went on I started to do it more and more again. I was having the best of both worlds. An intimate relationship (with a guy who I found easier to talk to as opposed to any girl) and any girl I ever wanted in the form of PMO.
He caught me one day, not in the act, but a tab open on my browser. He questioned it and felt like crap about it but I told him I was just bored and was trying to keep myself busy.
So exactly one year after we had hooked up we were both out at a work Christmas party and long story short, I ended up in hospital and he ended up in a police station as he had assaulted me because of a girl I had been chatting to (nothing had happened between us he was just always very jealous of things like that, especially because I was BI so was attracted to both sexes). Things got really bad after that for me and I was so hurt because this was the person I had opened up most to and he had just turned on me in an instant. Even if it was a drunken mistake like he claimed it didn't make me feel much better.
Because we work together and because I truly believe he was sorry for what he had done i agreed we could still be friends and hang out but that was it. No more relationship. To this day we still hang out a bit but to be honest, it feels like we are still together emotionally just not physically. We hook up every now and then but I barley enjoy it ... I dont even know what I do it. Its not good because I dont enjoy it and its giving him some sort of hope that we may end up back dating.
Anyways that was a year ago and he was the last person Ive been with. The reason why Ive gone into detail so much about him is because well, all the PMO I ever watched was with women, never guys. I tried it a few times but It just didnt do it for me, yet when I was with him I could get hard no problem (at least at the start). So Its left me in a lot of uncertainty with regards to my sexuality. Is it just him was attracted to, was he just a really good friend to me, was I curious ... I dunno ...
Since christmas 2013 Ive only really spoken to one girl intimatley since then. We would snapchat a lot, some photos here and there, no nudes but revealing shots. It was fun and i loved it but when it came to meeting up I just had no "drive" or "ambition" to go and meet up with her. I thought it was partly because of nerves and because its been so long since Ive been with a girl but after finding this sight I now think its mostly to do with PMO as I had hooked up with her frequently years ago so it shouldnt have felt new of awkward. It feels like PMO has destroyed my sex drive. Also in my mind why would I go through all those awkward feelings and nerves when I could open up my computer and resolve the issue in minutes. Because I had cancelled on her a few times we ended up falling out and now were not speaking.
So Ive been single and probably somewhat lonely, no scratch that really lonely the past year and well PMO seems like the perfect answer. Although its not. I know its not. I need a real person to share my life experiences with, not as you put it, pixels on a screen.
I found this website a few days ago and I have tried twice no to post my introduction. I didnt really know what to say in it and the above is a very brief and probably poorly explained summary of the last two years.
I want to stop with Porn.
I want to meet new people.
I want to go out and live my life.
I want to be confident and outgoing
I want to see loads of women and enjoy my 20s before I find the right girl for me.
I havnt PMOed since Easter Monday although I have used my imagination a few times since then, once this morning and once on Wednesday night. Is it okay to do this ? I understand that you shouldn't use any other forums of "inspiration" other than your own brain. Or should I try and go a week or two without any Masturbation ?
So since the last time was Monday, and its now Friday I guess Its ... Day 5 for me now. I feel fine, well fine as in I feel like I always have. So I guess Im just going to wait it out a bit more and see how Im feeling.
I will try and post daily but it might be tough with work commitments.
If anybody has any advice, inputs, tips, tricks or comments please feel free to post below.
As I said I am quiet guy but I am pretty easy to talk to once the ball gets rolling.
Thanks and hopefully Ill be hearing from yous soon.
A