Sex toys

I'm guessing that during reboot, sex toys are off limits, particularly guys sex toys like pumps and fake vaginas?

I think it depends on you, are you going to only stay away from porn,
or are you going "hard mode"and abstaining from masturbation too

This section is for the partners of porn addicts. This question is not appropriate or relevant to partners. Can this be moved?

I have the same question if it is removed could we no where to thankyou

1) that depends on whether you're going hardmode or not. Personally, I think it pays off to go hard mode at least in the beginning for a few weeks. It's hard, but once you get through the first two weeks it becomes considerably easier (for me anyway, don't know what other people's experience is with this)

2) once you're not going hard mode anymore, I think it can't do much harm. Especially if you also employed death grip masturbation in the past, having a fleshlight could help you regain sensitivity. I used this, personally and I found it really works. I still couldn't orgasm with my partner after two months of hard mode and six months of no porn, so I decided to try a fleshlight and see if I could sensitize myself to something other than my hand. And that did work . After a couple of more weeks, I was able to orgasm during normal, slow sex and started feeling a whole lot more during sex as well.

There is, really, only one way to reboot, and that is "hard mode."  Anything less is just engaging in the addiction, albeit, a bit less.  Hard mode means avoiding all artificial, as in "fake", sexual stimulation.  If it is sexual stimulation with anything other than a living, breathing, present, actually-touching-another-person, stimulation, it should be avoided during the hard mode reboot.  So....yeah....the fake vj has to go.

I,m still unsure what hard mode is.  So I'm 7 months since i had sex with a real person 60 days no pmo
and 40 days since watched porn.  Am i in hard mode?

For me being a single gay man for now nearly 6 years it is not that i don't want to be in a relationship but i have found it extremely hard to meet anyone that is interested in me or having a relationship.  I have been out on dating sites but still nothing.  As i am a gay male i believe for us it is so easy to have anonymous sex mostly always NSA and i do not want to get into this cycle again because to me it is like porn addiction so the question is when i finish my reboot what do i do???

William said:

There is, really, only one way to reboot, and that is "hard mode."  Anything less is just engaging in the addiction, albeit, a bit less.  Hard mode means avoiding all artificial, as in "fake", sexual stimulation.  If it is sexual stimulation with anything other than a living, breathing, present, actually-touching-another-person, stimulation, it should be avoided during the hard mode reboot.  So....yeah....the fake vj has to go.

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While I do agree with what is being said here, I'd like to point out one other thing. I advised using a Fleshlight to regain sensitivity AFTER you're done rebooting. My trouble getting an erection (and urges to watch porn) were already passed by this time. I could also have stuck it out by keeping it up with trying with my girlfriend. After a while, this would have sensitized me to the real thing just as well (probably even better).

So if you want to reboot, yes, the sex toys should go for now.

And concerning "hard mode" => that's no porn, no porn substitutes (like erotic literature) and no masturbation or orgasms (unless they're caused by a real person).

When you finish your reboot, you can do whatever you feel comfortable with. But you don't have to wait until your reboot is over. A big part of your recovery lies in the rewiring of your brain to real partners as well. This can be done (and should be done) while you're rebooting. So get out there and meet people. Not just for sex, but have talks with other guys you find attractive, real conversations and real social contact will go a long way in restoring your healthy libido

Nothing beats a warm wet fleshlight 
Grab yourself a Top Dog Mount and a Fleshlight and you can forget all about porn, well for awhile anyways
In all honesty though this thread has a lot of armchair psychology going on, this concept of "hardmode" is very much to each their own in regards to effectiveness.

None of it is anywhere near as black and white as some might have you believe, sex toys are not porn, are not sex, etc.
Some people may fantasize when masturbating, some people don't need to. Some people might lead back to porn via fantasies, it's all really up in the air. Try everything and see what works for you, personally I find high stimulation masturbation to be very effective before going to sleep every few days, I usually use vibration to ensure that I don't need to bother with fantasies to finish. If I don't mo before going to sleep every few days then I don't sleep very well, and I have most of the lost energy back by the morning anyways.

The real trouble is when I masturbate during the day when I'm not actually horny, that's a recipe for porn relapse later on the same day
Try everything and see what works for you, that is really the only truthful advice any of us can give, because we are all different and we are all pioneers paving the way for porn addiction recovery

If your goal is to start having sex with women then I'm not sure how using a sex toy on yourself is going to help.

If you're doing hard mode seriously then all mastubation is off limits. No exceptions, no toys, no humping, no nothing. Some guys make an exception for real people but personally i wouldn't even go that far. Remove sex from your life for three months and see how you get on. That is the real test. It'll help you see other things in life more clearly. It cannot and will not kill you.

Personally I think it's a bad idea to use toys even for regular mastubation because there is a lot of fantasy implicit. Especially for us guys who struggle with these things. You are not masturbating with your own touch but something that is instead supposed to feel more like a real woman. It's pretend. Some of those male toys are based on real life porn stars. To me, that's not very healthy. But being alone sexually frustrated isn't nice either. So you have to find some middle ground. This is an exercise in you learning what healthy mastubation is for you.

Let me ask you this: if you could stand back and watch yourself cold and objectively for several minutes while you masturbated with a such a toy, what would you think of yourself and how would you feel?

For me, I'd see myself as quite sad and lonely, and it not being hugely self loving. I'd feel a bit sorry for myself, have a lot of compassion and ask what i was trying to achieve. Maybe there is some unique physical thrill to it but if I walked in on myself doing myself with a toy, I'd think there was something a bit off about that guy lying on the bed pumping himself. I'd think that guy maybe wanted more than just sexual gratification but instead to be connected to a real person. Maybe I'd even find it a bit funny. What do you think?

klarson27 said:

If your goal is to start having sex with women then I'm not sure how using a sex toy on yourself is going to help.

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The main goal here is quitting porn, sex with women isn't even the secondary goal. The secondary goal is to form relationships that porn has prevented from occurring. When sex occurs it can be a wonderful thing, but let's not lose sight of the real goal here.

Still not sure how purchasing and using sex toys on yourself is going to help..

and I'm trying to see how discussing sex toys is going to help other users who are here for support in quitting porn.

klarson27 said:

Still not sure how purchasing and using sex toys on yourself is going to help..

and I'm trying to see how discussing sex toys is going to help other users who are here for support in quitting porn.

Click to expand...

That's alright, it's not going to be helpful for everyone, just a suggestion.
I still don't see how thinly veiled condescending comments on every one of my posts is going to help myself or others in giving up porn, but it doesn't seem to have stopped you so far KL

Good one Nwalt. : 8)

That's Walter to you.

My question is that i have not had sex for 7 months i am a sex addict so keeping away from anonymous sex is part of my recovery
for me  gay male Dates are not that easy to find if they were i don't believe i would be single for 6 years, so that's part of this post
is a sex toy ok?? not looking at p or PMO so what is the alternative for some??

I can masturbate 8 times a day, so, as you say, abstinence in hard mode is impossible for me. No one girl has yet been able to give me as much sex as I need. Either she could have given, but we had disagreements in relations. So I am experimenting with toys. With different ones. I have pussies, autoblows, beads, plugs, massagers, and more. So I'm willing not to watch porn, but I can't not masturbate.
I hope you know what a sexual constitution is. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sexuality