Reboot taking longer than a year - look again at your behaviour.

Hi All,

In response to my reboot taking over two years (I have been free of porn for THAT long) I have decided to look at other behaviours I am engaging in that are not normal.

I'm now fully engaged in my digital detox.  I've been doing huge amounts of research into Smartphone addiction and the effect of constant 'reward' circuit stimulus that not only comes from porn but from social media (facebook, twitter, instagram, idle surfing of the net) and the effect it has on the brain.

Typical habits as I?m sure you all know, is checking notifications, checking emails, interacting with apps and allowing them to interrupt you at will, Facebook status updates, Checking Facebook, Tweeting and consuming tweets, idly browsing with no purpose at all and using it in a way to alleviate boredom, or any other Smartphone interaction that takes your time away from the moment and into cyberspace.

At the end of the 2016 I recognised that my persistent idle surfing of social media and the internet in my free time was taking me away from my partner, friends and family for prolonged periods, at best I didn?t realise I was doing it and at worst, I possibly didn?t care.

Have a look at this really light hearted video about Smartphone usage:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Mwpmjf6cwE    This video does make me laugh and I hope warms you up to a more serious message.


This Ted Talk link tells us how we should rethink our relationship with the Smartphone and embrace a new concept ? the Digital Diet. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgo65s1R6TM


Here?s a few things I have committed to doing or are already in place right now:

? On the 1st of January I committed to not looking at my Smartphone or other Smart device after 18:30 at night.  I have turned off all my application notifications.  I will respond to it only when it rings.

? Breakfast, Tea and attending to personal care activities will come before picking up my phone in the morning when I wake up.

? After pay day this month I will invest in a fixed line handset and answer machine so I can be free to power down my Smartphone in the evening and not have it anywhere near where I sleep.

? I will be investing in an old school alarm clock.  No more ?I need the alarm clock on my phone?.

? Leave the phone in the car when visiting restaurants, cinema visits (for example) and in my coat pocket on evenings out (where I have no car to leave it in) with friends and family and colleagues.

? In face to face meetings I will not place my phone on the table or respond to it in any way whilst I?m engaging with others.  My phone will no longer be an interruption to moment/period where I am with people who have requested my time.

? Checking of personal emails twice a day only ? once in the morning, once before 18:30 cut off for Smartphone usage. 

? No surfing or listening to music on my Smartphone on the journey between home and the office ? when did you last give your brain nothing to do at all?  When was the last time a great idea came to you whilst you were day dreaming?

? More balanced usage of the internet, using more to solve problems and with the ultimate aim to reduce-to-zero internet usage because of boredom.


This video details the health impact from constantly interacting with your smartphone, including anxiety, depression and the really damaging effects of dopamine sensitisation which is covered here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWvSwX-jq7o

These health impacts could affect your performance at work where you need to be at your very best and cause you problems in home life too.  Did you know for example that the brain scan activity of a Smartphone addict  is exactly the same as someone with a Cocaine habit?

Since my reboot is taking so long, I am now completely committed to my digital diet and not giving my brain artificial stimulus and 'rewards'  (dopamine hits through novelty) that come from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and idle browsing on the net.

Who would like to come with me on this journey? - If you have been rebooting longer than a year, what have you got to lose at this stage?  Look at your behaviour, look at how you are filling your spare time - please come with me and dump (or drastically reduce your smartphone usage by at least 90%) your smartphone and lets get back to the real world, filling our time with our family, friends and partners and not the world of easy rewards that come via your smartphone.

I will come back now and again to answer posts on this thread - but please think about what I have said above - look closely at yourself and your behaviour.  It was porn that brought most of us together here, but if your reboot is taking a long time ask yourself what other 'rewards' are you hitting your brain with that are excessive and not normal?

I'm so excited to have spotted more unreasonable behaviour that I am engaging in, which gives me renewed hope of recovery and bringing back proper life balance.

Say No to artificial stimulus provided by electronic devices and apps designed to waste your time and leave you feeling like a zombie, alive ....but dead inside. 

Have you no have any improvements during your two years?

I think a digital diet is a good idea anyway. Our brains were not made for multitasking.

But why do you think your reboot has been taking longer than a year? Are you still experiencing problems after a year of no porn?

I only started my detox on 1st January.

What have I noticed so far?

1) I am tired at a sensible time - around 10pm.  From the research cutting out Smartphone use in the evening (for me, from 18:30 onwards) ensures that your body produces the right amount of melatonin which governs sleep and wake cycles.  It's important for healthy brain function that it is allowed to rest.

2) I am experiencing sporadic hardons whilst I'm lightly sleeping - sometimes I engage with my partner.

3) From a waking standpoint I am finding greater attention spans and more 'lets get this job done' whilst I'm working.  I am not drawn to think of facebook, twitter or any other social media.

By reducing ALL novelty (and thus the dopamine hits that come with it - remember, it's not just about porn) I hope this will have an affect on my sex drive - which is the only thing that is left that is broken in the aftermath of the porn addiction I beat two years ago.

I might be wrong, I don't know the situation of all the guys, but what I noticed from people who are 1 year into the reboot and are not healed:

1 - They often relapse, or don't really stop MO'ing. They only stop the P.
2 - They don't have a partner, they only try one night stands and often with tragic results.
3 - If they have a partner, they don't tell the whole truth to her, so they're always hiding something, generating more stress and PA consequently
4 - They don't exercise, they don't have healthy habits.

Again, just trying to help. Maybe you did all that and didn't have the results.

My advice is: don't MO, but don't stop real sex. Have a caring partner who understands you. Exercise more, this gives you more confidence and virility. Tell the truth to your partner, you're in this together, you have to remove the weight.

Thanks for the reply.

All valid points.  Just ensure that whilst you are waiting for yourself to heal, don't engage in web surfing and social media in general - stay off it (social media) and only use the internet to do a job.  Like make a purchase, pay a bill maybe?  No idle purposeless surfing.

That goes for your computer AND your smartphone.

Another interesting fact for you .....Since I stopped excessive use of my smartphone my phone battery easily lasts two days now.  If you're killing your phone battery in one day AND you are trying to reboot I would say you are not acting in your self interest.

Good post and extremely valid. Mine's more computer based at work rather than smartphone. Same stuff though.

I mentioned in my journal recently how I feel similar dopamine 'hits' in my brain when I'm surfing on the web, looking at nothing in particular, just endlessly clicking away to the next link and so on. Not as severe as porn but it's still the same behaviour nonetheless.

Thank you. It's reminded me to get off my computer more and engage in something more rewarding.

Dopamine is natural! What you gonna cut out all dopamine? You will die! Im with you that its not really good to surf and use phone all day long but i dont really think its something that minimize results with PIED. Have you read anything about this on YBOP? That this is directly linked to PIED?

I can confirm OP's experience. During my first reboot attempt I've cut down all artificial dopamine sources as well as compulsive activities and actually made it out of flatline for a brief period of time. Due to withdrawal I succumbed to anxiety and started browsing these forums again which in turn led me back to flatline; though there were other reasons for this as well - mainly a relationship I was hoping to slowly rewire in not working out, leading to a MO relapse in the end.

I plan to try this internet/technology novelty detox again, but sometime around the 90 days mark (or as soon as I can secure a relationship)  - it's a bit hard to do during winter and while I don't have anyone to rewire with currently I feel like I should at least cut myself some slack; starting slow with 90 days NoFap, cold showers and daily meditation, then will expand other self-improvement.

I should stress though that recovery/rebooting is not about only abstaining from dopamine-laden artificial activities, but resensitizing your arousal to the real deal. I'm ready to cut off literally everything in order for my junk to work properly again, but if you're not resensitizing your arousal during this with a consistent and patient partner, it seems largely in vain.

VikLU1993 said:

Dopamine is natural! What you gonna cut out all dopamine? You will die! Im with you that its not really good to surf and use phone all day long but i dont really think its something that minimize results with PIED. Have you read anything about this on YBOP? That this is directly linked to PIED?

Click to expand...

Dude,

Let me go over this again.

There are two sides to PIED and recovery - Re-wiring your brain AWAY from screens to REAL people and then Reducing the amount of artificial hits of dopamine you are taking.

Now, lets say you are purely interested in porn - you are not interested in alcohol, drugs, internet surfing and you have a standard mobile phone - because you're not interested in the internet.

The only task that is in front of you is your reboot away from porn.  That's it.  And we know what we have to do to achieve this.  In doing so you stop pounding your brain with dopamine with porn-novelty and if you're a single guy you can recover quickly.  My first reboot I recovered in 3 months.  This was before I knew the dangers of porn.

Now let's look at my particular case as it stands now, my second reboot - more closely.

I have kicked the porn addiction - I have no desire to look at it at all.  My kit works under normal physical stimulation but I have no sexual desire.

I don't have an alcohol problem (can take it or leave it - mostly leave it!) I do not take drugs.  I do however (until recently) have a problem with Internet and Social Media addiction.  Surfing the net from my pc or my smartphone.  Social media interaction to the same extremes as viewing porn hits the same area of the brain as porn does - with porn you get the dopamine hit from sexual novelty with two effects, the feel good hit and the rewiring your brain away from people and towards pixels. 

Social Media and Novelty gained from surfing the internet hits the same place in our brain with dopamine - that same place is responsible for pleasure gained from eating and sex.

So ....I'm not watching porn anymore so that's good.  But Social Media and novelty from surfing the net stimulates the same area of the brain as the porn does.  This would explain why through self stimulation (my hand) or interaction with my girlfriend - my kit responds and I can have sex.  Mentally I am re-wired to women BUT I have no sex drive because my reward centre is STILL being pounded , not by porn, but by my internet and social media addiction.

I believe what you are doing is suggesting that if you quite watching porn you should be ok - you are right.  BUT NOT if you have other addictions that are producing dopamine hits to the same area of the brain which is what is happening in my case.  In a nutshell, this problem is more than just porn!  Weird isn't it?  If I'm not watching porn anymore and my reboot is complete I should be horny as hell again.  But I'm not.

One thing that is possible is that you didn't view (or didn't take in any of the information in) the second video in my original post.  Now you may not have had time or you was not in an appropriate place to enable this to happen so here it is again, THIS time though I have set the link up to show you the EXACT point I am making here : https://youtu.be/Pgo65s1R6TM?t=7m9s

With me now?

Yes Booter2015 now im with you! Thank you for your long answer. I didnt understand earlier what you where trying to say. Im with you

wow great post booter this makes a lot of sense and i have to take a good look in the mirror as well. My pied is pretty much gone as well but like u my sex drive almost always sucks and fluctuates a lot. i think i will have to give cutting down on social media a try thanks for the post

AntiPornMan said:

wow great post booter this makes a lot of sense and i have to take a good look in the mirror as well. My pied is pretty much gone as well but like u my sex drive almost always sucks and fluctuates a lot. i think i will have to give cutting down on social media a try thanks for the post

Click to expand...

Thanks AntiPornMan - Treat Social Media like Porn - We all had to go cold turkey didn't we?  I have deactivated my facebook account and twitter and removed the apps.  Anything that draws your attention to the internet or your smartphone should be severely limited.  I have told people not to expect replies after 18:30 on messaging and those closest to me have been told to ring if it's urgent or not expect a reply until I next check my phone.  On the subject of checking phones, I went from checking constantly all day long down to about 4-5 times a day.  I hope to reduce just a little more, to maybe 3 times a day.

Also ....Guess what?  Since I started this my Samsung Galaxy S6 Smartphone now runs for two days without needing a charge!  This is where you should try and aim for.

Hi All,

Thought I'd stop by with a progress update for you.

Good Things:
My digital detox is going well - I have reduced idle internet surfing on my smartphone to almost zero.

Not missing facebook and other social media at all - I was quite a prolific user.

I have an increased attention span for work and my motivation levels have increased in general.

A general decrease in my anxiety levels.  In social or new situations where I can normally expect to feel uncomfortable - I have seen a substantial decrease in uncomfortable feelings.  Took my dog to a different county yesterday, got lost in a Forrest, in the dark and still found my way back to the car and didn't remotely feel any dread or fear.

My testicles aren't hanging as low as they used to, they hang closer to my body and are somewhat 'tighter' - Not the greatest of words here I admit, but hopefully you understand my drift.

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Bad Things:
Because I work in IT and I work at home, it's impossible to cut down my screen time even more than I'd like.

Whilst working on my lap top, I have yet to turn off my desk top which is on the same desk - this does lead to me idle surfing, however I have cut right down.  Before doing an internet search for something I have to ask myself - what is the point in me doing this?  For example - I like to surf car websites, mainly for cars I can't afford.  Pointless!!

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Yesterday an event that has prompted me to post an update happened - I felt the need to have sex, even when I wasn't aroused.  This is quite a significant sign and I instigated sex with my partner, feeling quite confident my body would respond appropriately and it did.  Previously I only instigated sex when I woke up hard and then it was a rush job to make her cum before I lost my hard on or I lost my desire.

All in all, I feel this digital detox and addressing my excessive use of smartphone and the internet is having positive results.  I'll post another update again soon, if I notice anything interesting.