Well here we go, I'm a 57 year old male who has been struggling with porn since around 10 years old. I'll give a little background of myself, I might be all over the place but here goes.
I'm a recovering addict with almost 27 years clean, I've been able to overcome alcohol, other drugs and tobacco. attend N/A and have been in denial of my porn addiction for quite some time but like every other part of my disease I need to come to terms with it.
I started masturbating around 10, not real sure what I was doing, just knew I liked it, which is normal, but I was finding myself aroused and obsessed with the little girls in the underwear adds of Sears and Penneys catalogs,(I'm 57,long before internet..lol)
now being that young, I didn't think anything about it, it was normal to me. as I look back at that now, I was masturbating to that every chance I could, I was obsessed with naked girls and women and still am to this day, but it's worse when I'm anxious or stressed and need an escape. now I know I'm not a perv but thats what I feel like. when I'm out in public I'm normal, no obsession, but if I'm home alone, its just like dope. i'm looking at it now as if it is dope because it actually is. I know that as long as I don't pick up the first one(or open up a porn site) I don't have to worry about the rest. Being that I'm starting an on line business, going on the computer is something I have to do, but it's like going next door to the dope house.
I need to change some habits and feel pretty good that I'm finally taking the first step. It only took almost 2 years from finding this site...lol.
I've learned in my recovery journey that I was sexually abused when I was young, I have no memory of the act, but through reading and counseling I have all the sympoms, which helps make sense of my actions but its no excuse to hide behind, in my opinion. I've overcome alot, I can this too, but know I can't do it alone anymore.
any feedback is welcome. thank you.
I'm a recovering addict with almost 27 years clean, I've been able to overcome alcohol, other drugs and tobacco. attend N/A and have been in denial of my porn addiction for quite some time but like every other part of my disease I need to come to terms with it.
I started masturbating around 10, not real sure what I was doing, just knew I liked it, which is normal, but I was finding myself aroused and obsessed with the little girls in the underwear adds of Sears and Penneys catalogs,(I'm 57,long before internet..lol)
now being that young, I didn't think anything about it, it was normal to me. as I look back at that now, I was masturbating to that every chance I could, I was obsessed with naked girls and women and still am to this day, but it's worse when I'm anxious or stressed and need an escape. now I know I'm not a perv but thats what I feel like. when I'm out in public I'm normal, no obsession, but if I'm home alone, its just like dope. i'm looking at it now as if it is dope because it actually is. I know that as long as I don't pick up the first one(or open up a porn site) I don't have to worry about the rest. Being that I'm starting an on line business, going on the computer is something I have to do, but it's like going next door to the dope house.
I need to change some habits and feel pretty good that I'm finally taking the first step. It only took almost 2 years from finding this site...lol.
I've learned in my recovery journey that I was sexually abused when I was young, I have no memory of the act, but through reading and counseling I have all the sympoms, which helps make sense of my actions but its no excuse to hide behind, in my opinion. I've overcome alot, I can this too, but know I can't do it alone anymore.
any feedback is welcome. thank you.