no more...

Hi,
I'm not even sure I have a porn addiction or problem so I need you guys to help me .
I don't know exactly when I started watching, but I'm guessing I started around the age of 17/18 years old. I was already masturbating two three years before that. I'm now 21 and I'm still a virgin. For the first time I took things further with a guy and I wasn't turned on! This happened 4 times. I guess I am already so conditioned to get orgasms through watching porn and masturbating that now I'm unable to get turned on by a guy. Ok I have been somewhat turned on by him and when he touched me, but never could I achieve an orgasm with him. So I googled and found this website. And now I haven't watched porn and haven't masturbated for 10 days. But my libido is so low and it has been even before i stopped the porn.

I have read a lot of stories now, and I'm never watching porn again. I only watched very graphic porn in the end because those were the only sorts of porn I could het turned on by. This is because I think i'm addicted. So I've started a reboot. And I could use some insight from people who have had the same experiences.

thank you!

Hi Laura,

Welcome to the Forum! I think you're in a much better position than most (such as me because I've been watching P for longer) because you (think you) started around 17/18 and have been watching it for around 3/4 years (obsessively, I assume). It's great that you've come to the conclusion of cutting porn out of your life for good, now you can just focus on your reboot and bettering yourself as a person. The low libido is simply part of the withdrawal process, that will change soon . I'd suggest you go hard mode so that you completely withdraw your thoughts from porn and you can enjoy any future sexual encounters much more thoroughly. In the meantime, find a hobby! Set your goals out and work towards them and become independent! Oh and keep a journal on here, it's great to look back at your progress after some time and how you've changed.

I know I'm a guy, but P does not discriminate against the genders. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck on your 90 days!

Welcome-
You're among peers as there are women your age who contribute to the forum.
I'm not female but we can certainly all learn from each other and grow.
Now I have to ask about your situation and the guy you were willing to step things up with;

You say you're not getting turned on when trying to be intimate.
Do you two make out a lot and if you do, is there a tense passion there
or does it seem like work?

I ask because I knew something was wrong with me when I stopped enjoying kissing.
And then when it came to actual sex with the same significant other, I barely got it up which is something I'm
definitely not used to. Sure enough, I later found out that I fell victim to PIED.

We do make out a lot. I like kissing him, but I don't get turned on by it, and I don't LOVE it. which I did have with the previous guy I dated. But that was a year ago. Going further does feel like work after 15 minutes, because I feel rushed to get turned on. And because I think I'm desensitized it takes all the fun out of the experience. Which is sad because I do like this guy.

Laura,

Take it slow; just focus on kissing, touching, feeling. Don't worry about the sex for now. Let your mind focus on him and his body and not the porn induced fantasies that are coming to your head.

If you've been with this guy a while or you can trust him, basically, I would tell him about your problem. It's embarrassing, I know, but most of us don't have a partner to help with the reboot phase, so count yourself lucky! It could help speed up your recovery and push you in the right direction more efficiently; you're combining the reboot with your rewiring phase.

Best of luck!

Yelashade said:

Laura,

Take it slow; just focus on kissing, touching, feeling. Don't worry about the sex for now. Let your mind focus on him and his body and not the porn induced fantasies that are coming to your head.

If you've been with this guy a while or you can trust him, basically, I would tell him about your problem. It's embarrassing, I know, but most of us don't have a partner to help with the reboot phase, so count yourself lucky! It could help speed up your recovery and push you in the right direction more efficiently; you're combining the reboot with your rewiring phase.

Best of luck!

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I'll have to respectfully disagree. I don't think she has to tell him. It's someone she just started dating and she's only 21. Probably best to just focus on yourself and work on recovery.

It's different when you gain PIED while you're already in a relationship or marriage. Your SO has a reasonable right
to know what's going on because that's not normal. But if you're a virgin and you just started seeing someone you
want to be intimate with is not the same. It's really none of his business and I don't think she owes him anything.

I believe timing is everything. Even if it takes you 6 months to finally have sex but he's moved on, then it
wasn't meant to be. I know it's tough since you really like him but this is your virginity we're talking about.
Make sure you're just as capable before taking that step. There's no re-dos.

@Viper

Apologies, I was under the impression that Laura was dating this guy for a while. In that case, I concur with what you've said about not telling him . Also, great advice about timing!

It has been more then two weeks now, that I've stopped watching. I don't miss it, nor do I have the urge to watch it. I think it was more habit than addiction M'ing to porn. But it has made me desensitized to normal stimulation from a guy, that is for sure. The first few days I had no urges. But the tenth day I was so horny out of nowhere. I didn't masturbate, but I was turned on for half an hour. It was so difficult not to M. But I held on, even though it was driving me crazy. After that I was horny one time. I'm not sure if I'm going to flatline. My instinct says I'm not. I fantasize about the guy I'm dating every day now, and not about graphic porn, which I think is good. I haven't been intimate with him since i stopped, but I have been dating him. I'm happy I made this choice though! It makes your thoughts much more natural. I'm curious to see what time will give back to me.

Laura said:

It has been more then two weeks now, that I've stopped watching. I don't miss it, nor do I have the urge to watch it. I think it was more habit than addiction M'ing to porn. But it has made me desensitized to normal stimulation from a guy, that is for sure. The first few days I had no urges. But the tenth day I was so horny out of nowhere. I didn't masturbate, but I was turned on for half an hour. It was so difficult not to M. But I held on, even though it was driving me crazy. After that I was horny one time. I'm not sure if I'm going to flatline. My instinct says I'm not. I fantasize about the guy I'm dating every day now, and not about graphic porn, which I think is good. I haven't been intimate with him since i stopped, but I have been dating him. I'm happy I made this choice though! It makes your thoughts much more natural. I'm curious to see what time will give back to me.

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Stay the course. It's really impossible to find satisfaction alone, because the emotional energy of a partner is a big part of sexual pleasure. Avoiding M is the best course, IMO, and your ability to become aroused by a partner will return.

I've said this many times to many rebooters, but I'll say it once more. You can have real sex or make believe sex, but not both. Which would you prefer? 

I'm having a difficult time now. I dreamed that I was M'ing and when i woke up I was horny. It was so hard not to act on it. Also it is not going so wel between the me and the guy im with, the spark is gone and now Im so down because I think it is going to end.

Still no desire to watch p though, which is a good thing.

Remember, what you really need. In order to be satisfied, is the emotional interchange if a relationship with a real person. If this iPhone doesn't work out, there are plenty of other guys out there. P & M don't help you in finding a relationship. Hold out for the real thing.

Reached 30 days!! 
It's so weird, I used to M  everyday and watch porn several days a week for the last years of my life. And now I have stopped and I don't miss it at all. Proves to me that I don't need it. I do miss physical contact with the guys I dated now it's over. The only thing is that I have dreams about M, but only three times in these 30 days. On to the next 60 days.

Laura said:

Reached 30 days!! 
It's so weird, I used to M  everyday and watch porn several days a week for the last years of my life. And now I have stopped and I don't miss it at all. Proves to me that I don't need it. I do miss physical contact with the guys I dated now it's over. The only thing is that I have dreams about M, but only three times in these 30 days. On to the next 60 days.

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Good work. The dreams are normal. You'll do fine.

Keep going strong!  Great job!