Sorry for poor English. It's my first post here. As far as I can recall, I had started masturbating since I was 6 years old i.e. from year 2001and my present age is 25 years, and as a result all my childhood, I have been
Feeling as a zombie !! I have no interests of my own, I have no choices of my own , I have no likes dislikes of my own, basically I do not have an opinion of my own for almost all the things of my life. I have never masturbated to any porn . I have always masturbated to pictures of actresses or movies' scenes. Bcoz of this I have always felt socially challenged and I have never felt the day to day emotions of my life. I was reasonably good in studies but what I observed during these years is that I have a constant brain fog and I am fairly poor and mentally challenged in day to day activities of my life. I also observed that whenever I was alone I always felt sad, gloomy and exhausted. I observed that as if my brain was saying a big NO to everything whatever I tried to do when I was alone. This further led me to fap whenever I was alone . And soon I was fapping whenever I was alone and I used to EDGE myself i.e. my sessions were always 2-3 hours but I only masturbated 3-4 times out of 10 times. I think that this edging has further imbalanced my brain to a great extent. But I noticed that whenever I was around my friends I used to live my life to its fullest i.e. as if my brain had come to life and I felt all emotions happiness , sadness, adventure but as soon as I returned to my home and in my me time , I again becomes a zombie. No matter how hard I try to develop new interests or hobbies but I was unable to . Also I grew up abnormally. At age of 13 I suffered from severe hormonal imbalance , my weight was suddenly reduced , I had gained height all of a sudden but the most frightening thing was that I developed severe acne on my forehead , and side of my cheeks . They were so dense and large in number that I was unable to see my real skin over that parts. Also I suffered from hairloss at the same time. And since then I have always been skinny and underweight and no matter how much I eat I remain skinny. I have started rebooting since last year i.e. 2019 with frequent relapses. I have gained control over my urges to a great extent compared to my situation last year. But since I have started rebooting I have been experiencing severe hair thinning ,depression, brain fog, poor concentration, almost like a zombie. It's the worst depression I have ever felt . It feels as if I would never be able to repair my brain. Please help me
Feeling as a zombie !! I have no interests of my own, I have no choices of my own , I have no likes dislikes of my own, basically I do not have an opinion of my own for almost all the things of my life. I have never masturbated to any porn . I have always masturbated to pictures of actresses or movies' scenes. Bcoz of this I have always felt socially challenged and I have never felt the day to day emotions of my life. I was reasonably good in studies but what I observed during these years is that I have a constant brain fog and I am fairly poor and mentally challenged in day to day activities of my life. I also observed that whenever I was alone I always felt sad, gloomy and exhausted. I observed that as if my brain was saying a big NO to everything whatever I tried to do when I was alone. This further led me to fap whenever I was alone . And soon I was fapping whenever I was alone and I used to EDGE myself i.e. my sessions were always 2-3 hours but I only masturbated 3-4 times out of 10 times. I think that this edging has further imbalanced my brain to a great extent. But I noticed that whenever I was around my friends I used to live my life to its fullest i.e. as if my brain had come to life and I felt all emotions happiness , sadness, adventure but as soon as I returned to my home and in my me time , I again becomes a zombie. No matter how hard I try to develop new interests or hobbies but I was unable to . Also I grew up abnormally. At age of 13 I suffered from severe hormonal imbalance , my weight was suddenly reduced , I had gained height all of a sudden but the most frightening thing was that I developed severe acne on my forehead , and side of my cheeks . They were so dense and large in number that I was unable to see my real skin over that parts. Also I suffered from hairloss at the same time. And since then I have always been skinny and underweight and no matter how much I eat I remain skinny. I have started rebooting since last year i.e. 2019 with frequent relapses. I have gained control over my urges to a great extent compared to my situation last year. But since I have started rebooting I have been experiencing severe hair thinning ,depression, brain fog, poor concentration, almost like a zombie. It's the worst depression I have ever felt . It feels as if I would never be able to repair my brain. Please help me
