Lasted 11 days

Hey!

I've wanked since I was 12 yrs old and this was the longest period I stayed away from porn and masturbation. I fucked two times in this period and in the first one I came with my own hand. In second one not at all. But I get layed so rarely that I allow masturbation during sex if necessary. And it was, of course. Fucking felt boring, I was numb as usual.

Well anyway. Now I start again for six months (New Years eve). Today I've masturbated two times already and still horny so it's gonna be hard. I don't want to be without orgasms so I try to get as much sex partners as I can (good lookin of course). That is my way.

Hey buddy,
Dont really get what you mean when you said:

But I get layed so rarely that I allow masturbation during sex if necessary

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You rarely have sex, so that means you masturbate during sex? hmmmm...

This, however, i DO get

(good lookin of course). That is my way.

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Yeah so I allow myself to wank if I get a girl to my bedroom. It's a special occasion and I think it's fair for myself. Wanking just to get it up or to cum IF I have to. Usually I do.


I've been really sick for a week and though it would be easy now to keep myself from any physical activity. BUT. I can't get out of my house so urges are big and I have failed again. So 11 days + 5 days. I have had thoughts about starting rebooting again on Monday tomorrow, but at this point I just let it slide til I am healthy again. I wank if I feel like it but stay away from porn. I really understand how porn fucks us up. It's so good, you can't denie it, but it makes everything else seem meaningless.

You definitely have a long road ahead of you.  11 days and then 5 days really isn't all that bad.  If those numbers don't seem good to you, focus on some different numbers.  Keep the number of hours/days before you get back on the wagon as short as you can, and you'll be doing yourself a big favor.  For example, for a long time during my reboot, I had a real hard time with weekends, so making it longer than a week was very, very hard.  But, I tried to get back on the wagon as soon as the work week started again, and that actually helped me a lot.  Binging and having the "aw, eff it, I'll do this reboot thing another time" has a way of erasing progress.  If you can keep your progress, all those little streaks will add up to something real eventually.  Being sick does make things difficult and I totally get that, but I'd be careful of coming up with too many of those justifications.

Having to masturbate when you're with a real person is a bad sign.  I don't say this to be mean, but to be realistic.  It means that your brain prefers porn and your hand to a real person which means a reboot is desperately needed.  The "horniness" you're experiencing is likely a hankering for porn, not a real person.  Let it starve, then your real sexuality can start to come forth.  It will hurt, it won't feel right, but trust me, it will be way better than what you think sex is right now.

Yes, for me 11 days was incredible, cos' that's longest I've been without masturbating since high school. I'm 26.

Well for me being sick is good reason to stop cos I am never sick, this is special occasion. I can't get out so urges are impossible to dismiss.

Sex is other special occasion. I fuck maybe 5 times a year. Social anxiety is really bad. If I can't cum I ask her to knee and I'll do it with my own hand.

Another thing I noticed to today or actually when I woke up it came to be as a no-brainer: I've watch a lot of sissy porn and I realized I should watch exactly opposite. Something like "Masculinity hypno". And I found this "reverse sissy hypno". I know what u guys think of this but really there's some good affirmations. I've become sissy by sissy hypno.

Pro12222222 said:

Yes, for me 11 days was incredible, cos' that's longest I've been without masturbating since high school. I'm 26.

Well for me being sick is good reason to stop cos I am never sick, this is special occasion. I can't get out so urges are impossible to dismiss.

Sex is other special occasion. I fuck maybe 5 times a year. Social anxiety is really bad. If I can't cum I ask her to knee and I'll do it with my own hand.

Another thing I noticed to today or actually when I woke up it came to be as a no-brainer: I've watch a lot of sissy porn and I realized I should watch exactly opposite. Something like "Masculinity hypno". And I found this "reverse sissy hypno". I know what u guys think of this but really there's some good affirmations. I've become sissy by sissy hypno.

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Alright, two things and I will have a more stern tone than usual, but I want to be clear.

If you need to masturbate for sex, then it isn't sex.  It isn't a "special occasion", it should be a red flag.  You're really just masturbating/fantasizing with a naked body in the room.  Sometimes I think of porn and masturbation like this: instead of eating a steak, you look at a picture of a steak on your phone and suck your thumb.  In this instance, imagine you've been sucking your thumb for years and you get a real steak in front of you at long last.  It isn't as appetizing as you imagined it because you go so used to your thumb and carefully crafted food photography.  So now you might sniff the steak occasionally, but you're just staring at a real life steak instead of one on your phone and sucking your thumb.  In neither case are you actually eating a steak in the way your body is designed to.  The key is to forget everything you THOUGHT you knew about steak from staring at pictures on your phone over the years.  Don't feel bad - I have seen this on the boards a lot.  We porn addicts have a hard time transitioning to real sexuality because we have so many lies deeply ingrained in us.  I've read so many accounts of guys on here who are gung-ho to experience sex in a non-porn way in order to rewire, but end up basically trying to live out what they knew in porn, because they jumped in without properly rebooting.  My own opinion is that we reboot better if we spend time in Dagobah before we go fight Darth Vader instead of trying to learn all of it on the fly.  I'll let you be your own judge on that.

I think you're on the road to some good self-discovery in deconstructing your watching of "sissy porn".  I'm a believer that the weird fetishes have the deepest fish hooks in our psyches and need to be pulled out in a very deliberate, careful way.  Your thought that you need to fill your mind and soul with things that more properly express masculinity is also a good one, but you're just not going to get there with choosing equal and opposite forms of porn.  You'll just create a bigger mess.  You need to eliminate porn, sissy porn, hypo-masculine porn, all of it, and rediscover masculinity.  Maybe spend some time with the seemingly endless amount of material Jordan Peterson has on the subject.  You don't have to agree with him on everything, but in a world where masculinity is considered "toxic", he provides an excellent entry point.

I understand that it's better just to quit it all at ones.

I've found alpha male hypno from youtube, it doesn't need to be porn. But I watched some of that too and tried to feel sexual about girls. I've get to that masculine state, it feels normal and healthy.

I also masturbate to my ex way too much. It's really hard cos' I left her cos' we didn't fit in many ways and now she's still here, in my mind.

Jordan Peterson. I have watched his videos and read couple of chapters. I try to understand what's the deal there.

Almost 4 days in a row. It goes so fast but then u get that one crazy craving and that's it. I have no reason to do it, but my life is so shit that I just go "so what".