It Has to End.

30YearsStopsNow

New Member
Hi guys. I'm new here. I've known about this forum and YBOP for some years now but never took advantage. But I have to begin this war.

I'm 43 years old, married, no children. I was exposed to pornographic stimulation at the age of 12 (still vividly remember the incident like it was last week). Since then I've grown increasingly dependent. Every human and spiritual relationship I have has been damaged by my addiction. I feel small and uncomfortable around people. I can't physically satisfy my wife by traditional means. I'm a creative person full of ideas yet I sit for hours and waste away in front of my laptop, searching for my next hit, masturbating my life away. I believe in a Creator and I believe I was created to operate along certain guidelines. My repeated disregard for those guidelines has damaged me beyond words.

I had a bad day today. Spent an entire morning searching repeatedly for highs. Wasting my life away. I wish Imcould be more eloquent and open.,,my heart feels like it's encased in hardened plastic.

I just want to stop. Today. I want my life that, thus far, I've given over completely to this addiction.

This is my day 1. Peace and respect to all you guys struggling with this 20 ton demon. I wish you all success.
 

30YearsStopsNow

New Member
Day 2 felt good. I read a great article on mindfulness in connection with undoing bad habits (I'm searching for my bookmark and will post a link here). Anyways it talked about the practice of sitting still when urges hit and looking at them objectively. Another book I've read talked about visualizing the urge - its shape, its color, its texture. After doing this for five minutes or so along with focused breathing I immediately get up and do something physical, preferably in public. This helped me get out of my own head a few times, where, normally I would have sought out porn, giving the urges more power than they truly have. Feels good to actually apply what I've learned. Wisdom = Applied Knowledge, I suppose. Let's see what tomorrow brings...
 
R

Renfield

Guest
For me, it's about changing priorities. I used PMO during a long period of not being with a woman, not even knowing I was damaging myself. I found a woman that I really like and I want her. Not porn. I'm on day 24 with NO desire to go back. When you look at porn, you're (presumably) living sexually through someone else and if you're like me, you want to be doing what they're doing but can't because of the effects of watching them do it! I WANT to be able to have real sex. That is the fuel for me :)

Best of luck!
 
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