I'm 46 and started porn at 11. I'm wondering if I can do it (quit).

This is my first post and I will try to make it short.

I started porn at 11 with my friends dads playboy collection.  I didn't start MO/PMO till 17 and as soon as I did it started this life long addiction.  I never realized it was causing problems in my life...I suspected it but then quickly dismissed it through rationalization.  I've never had problems with getting erections (maybe problems with getting them too often in fact) but finishing (O)slowly became harder and harder to do over time.  I upgraded my porn addiction from pictures to movies about 3 years ago and stopped having sex with my wife completely about 4 years ago when my little girl was born.  I don't feel that the sex stopped completely because of my porn addiction but it was a big factor.  We are now going through a divorce (its been 1 year so far and still have not got the final court date).  I have since met someone else and just traveled to see her.  A beautiful woman I met online in a different country.  I quit PMO 3 days before I left to meet her and we had sex the second night I was there.  Not only was I not able to O but I had problems staying hard.  The next night was the same thing and the night after that.  I spend 10 days there and never got an O.  Got back home and realized that I have a problem - ITS REAL!  No rationalizing anymore.  As soon as I had time I went online and PMO'd and then again the next night (last night).  I started some research and decided it's the porn that's causing these life long problems so I've decided to quit porn all together.  I came across this site and some others and started reading.  I see I'm not the only one with these problems - The stories I'm reading are very inspiring and I'm ready to start my journey.  Day one is almost done and I'm ok.  Day two here I come...

tryinghard46 said:

This is my first post and I will try to make it short.

I started porn at 11 with my friends dads playboy collection.  I didn't start MO/PMO till 17 and as soon as I did it started this life long addiction.  I never realized it was causing problems in my life...I suspected it but then quickly dismissed it through rationalization.  I've never had problems with getting erections (maybe problems with getting them too often in fact) but finishing (O)slowly became harder and harder to do over time.  I upgraded my porn addiction from pictures to movies about 3 years ago and stopped having sex with my wife completely about 4 years ago when my little girl was born.  I don't feel that the sex stopped completely because of my porn addiction but it was a big factor.  We are now going through a divorce (its been 1 year so far and still have not got the final court date).  I have since met someone else and just traveled to see her.  A beautiful woman I met online in a different country.  I quit PMO 3 days before I left to meet her and we had sex the second night I was there.  Not only was I not able to O but I had problems staying hard.  The next night was the same thing and the night after that.  I spend 10 days there and never got an O.  Got back home and realized that I have a problem - ITS REAL!  No rationalizing anymore.  As soon as I had time I went online and PMO'd and then again the next night (last night).  I started some research and decided it's the porn that's causing these life long problems so I've decided to quit porn all together.  I came across this site and some others and started reading.  I see I'm not the only one with these problems - The stories I'm reading are very inspiring and I'm ready to start my journey.  Day one is almost done and I'm ok.  Day two here I come...

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You can do it. I started in my early teens and practiced PMO for 43 years. If I can do it, so can you. If you stick by it, you will learn to stay out of fantasy and your ability to perform real-life sex will return.

Thanks Ite.  I need an opinion on something.  I had a vasectomy a year ago and the doctor wanted me to give another specimen yesterday.  I tried MO but didn't happen.  Then I added a pic of my GF naked and that almost took me to were I needed to be but not quite.  Some porn images popped into my mind and I O'd.  I'm not sure if I should reset.  I think I should but I didn't need to O for myself just for the test.  Am I just rationalizing?  What do you think?

Today was a good day.  I thought about porn a couple of times but quickly changed my thoughts and no PMO MO or any O  

It's very different to not do something I've done for over 30 years - especially something that makes me feel good.  Even though today was ok, I don't know how I'm going to react on the hard days yet.  I will do everything I can to stay on the path. 

tryinghard46 said:

Thanks Ite.  I need an opinion on something.  I had a vasectomy a year ago and the doctor wanted me to give another specimen yesterday.  I tried MO but didn't happen.  Then I added a pic of my GF naked and that almost took me to were I needed to be but not quite.  Some porn images popped into my mind and I O'd.  I'm not sure if I should reset.  I think I should but I didn't need to O for myself just for the test.  Am I just rationalizing?  What do you think?

Today was a good day.  I thought about porn a couple of times but quickly changed my thoughts and no PMO MO or any O  

It's very different to not do something I've done for over 30 years - especially something that makes me feel good.  Even though today was ok, I don't know how I'm going to react on the hard days yet.  I will do everything I can to stay on the path.

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That's a tough one. I would say no reset because it was for a medical purpose. Just don't let it lead you back to porn.

Thanks - I have results and It looks as though I will not have to do it again.

tryinghard46 said:

Thanks - I have results and It looks as though I will not have to do it again.

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Glad to hear it. There's nothing wrong with shooting blanks, just do make it a solo hobby.

Never too late to be cured mate. The trick is how to counteract the triggers and urges.
You are on your way now, so just keep moving foward!

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys.  I have thought about porn a few times since my last post but I haven't been pushed over the edge.  I'm still holding on to my goal of being PMO free for life.  These first 90 days I know will be the hardest but I'm coming here and reading every time I get the urge and it seems to help.

You can do it! The most important thing I had to realise after several relapses in the last few years has been that as long as I still want to watch porn I will do it. When I found Reboot Nation I had the epiphany that I have a real problem - PIED - and that made me change my mind. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION now. But it was before, sadly. I even had the funniest excuses why not to install K9 on my laptop. The only reason was: I WANTED to watch porn. Just recently I added K9 without even thinking about it. What a change of mind! I don't think there is anything you can do if there is a wish to watch porn still. Just seeing that we are in a conflict and not struggle so much. There should be a balance between caring for yourself by not watching porn AND letting go of the need to think about it at all.
Keep going and blessings on you and your journey 

Thank you for sharing Tryinghard. I agree with Patrick that you have to start with a 'PORN IS NOT AN OPTION' mentality. I'm early on in my recovery but found the following helped:

1. Make a decision. Most of the posts by rebooters who made it a year or more confirm the following strategy works: you have to tell yourself that PORN IS NOT AND WILL NO LONGER BE AN OPTION.

2. Learn. Once you've decided to quit porn, now you have to learn all you can about porn addiction. Read 'Your Brain on Porn' by Gary Wilson. Every time you get an urge, counter it by reading Wilson's book or just read anything else that won't trigger a sexual response. Knowledge is power and will prepare you for your next battle.

3. Love the Withdrawal. For my first week, my brain was in a state of shock. It's a bit like the tension before battle or a mental phony war. But worse is coming. Armed with the knowledge you've acquired in #2, you'll now understand the shakes, depression, anxiety, mood swings, random boners, flatline, and sometimes flashes of pain. You will have learned this is just your brain f*cking with you because it wants dopamine. You're not sinful, weak, or any of the other useless things religious morality will label you. Think of porn as your brain's sucker and you've just yanked it out. Now your brain is throwing a tantrum. That is withdrawal. Your brain will do anything to get you relapse but don't give in.

4. Be a Better Man, Not a Better Erection: During withdrawal/flatline, like us you'll develop quite the d*ck obsession. "Will it work?" "Is it getting bigger/smaller?" Your b*lls will ache. You'll get night sweats you're so horny. You've created an entire existence around PMO, so once you stop the P, you'll start obsessing about the MO which means obsessing about your junk. One thing that helped me during this stage was imagining my funeral. There won't be d*ck pictures at my funeral nor will anyone be crying over my genitals nor waxing on about how nice my wiener was. So you have to concentrate on being a better person, rather than being a better boner. Exercise, read, make up with loved ones, be good to your partner/spouse, and none of these require diamond-hard erections.

5. Stay in Touch: Posting, journaling, and sharing with this community were life savers for me. Isolation = relapse. So every time you get the urge to masturbate, come here. On some days I was posting 8 times/day, but I wasn't jerking off. So post honestly and frequently.

I hope that helps in some way. I wish you well and look forward to following your journey. Be strong brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
 

Thanks for your words of encouragement guys.  I'm still PMO free after 9 days.  This is my first real attempt in life to give this up.  I expect it to get worse but for now I'm doing good.  I have my daughter around a lot and that makes me in no way bored or horny so that helps me a lot.  I'm trying to hang out with her more and be a better dad.  Today I had no energy - felt half dead most of the day.  I'm not sure if that's related but if it is I hope not many more days like this are in store for me.

Hey brother. During my early reboot, the fatigue was so bad I often couldn't even raise my arms. You should be starting withdrawal in the next week or so. Read up on it so you can better fight it. It's just your brain f*cking with you. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

Reset...  Don't reset...  Doesn't matter.  The counter has not baring on you're progress.  The important thing to focus on is getting better so you will never need porn again to get hard.
Yes, it can be done.  In less time than you'd imagine too!

Good luck my friend.

Cheers,

p.

17 days now and the urge still exists but no PMO.  More now that it has in the first two weeks.  That's why I'm here now.  Trying to stay busy late at night.  I just keep thinking it's only my brain and I don't need it.  That usually helps but other times I just think of how my life will be if I continue and that looks horrible to me.  I want to have a relationship that I don't have to make excuses why I can't have sex.  I'm just trying to avoid the embarrassment of no O or turning into a noodle.  Can my dream ever come true.  I'm staying strong so far.  I just have to remember - porn is not an option!  Thanks for the support.

I know it's hard but stay strong. Read 'You Brain on Porn' by Gary Wilson. This will help you understand the science behind your addiction to better gain control over it. Be well and remember, PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

tryinghard46 said:

17 days now and the urge still exists but no PMO.  More now that it has in the first two weeks.  That's why I'm here now.  Trying to stay busy late at night.  I just keep thinking it's only my brain and I don't need it.  That usually helps but other times I just think of how my life will be if I continue and that looks horrible to me.  I want to have a relationship that I don't have to make excuses why I can't have sex.  I'm just trying to avoid the embarrassment of no O or turning into a noodle.  Can my dream ever come true.  I'm staying strong so far.  I just have to remember - porn is not an option!  Thanks for the support.

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Yes your dream can come true.  Around 18-21 days is when the DeltaFosB starts to leave your brain, that's why the heightened desire to PMO.  Stick with it.