Ready to Quit!!! Could use some support! First time every posting!

Here?s my story...

I First started watching porn when I was roughly 10 years old, I am 23 now. My dad had a satellite tv that included all channels including the adult one. I found this out as I was watching tv one day. I was very intrigued as I saw breasts for the first time.

Then as time went on and internet became a thing I was able to search for things on my iPod in my room alone. At first it was just browsing, then it turned into masturbation as I witnessed people do on on the websites.

Then came OMEGLE. This website single handedly ruined my life. For those who are unaware Omegle is a website where you webcam strangers. Though not stated in there terms of agreements they don?t advertise against webcaming naked. I would spend multiple hours a night on my laptop on Omegle showing myself to people and treating girls like shit (I was 12-16). Girls would strip for points and often request for me to tell them what to do...  As I got older and I started to feel creepy watching random people do this and doing it myself. I then went to internet porn mainly to calm my anxiety. I have watched way too many hours of it and often find myself unamused with what i find. I always question why do I do this why do I come back it?s boring. Then without fail I watch it again, feel shitty and repeat. I have tried to quit multiple times and failed. I have talked to a councillor and they told me just to not be alone. So long story short they haven?t done much. I?m hoping that this forum can help me achieve my goal of never watching porn again.

I am living with a wonderful women who I plan to marry in the near future. She knows I have watched porn and knows that it has become a beast in my life. However, she thinks that I?m no longer struggling. I?m too ashamed to tell her I am. I want her to marry a man who is free from this demon and I want to be free myself.

Luckily I haven?t experienced any type of ED that I know of. However, I find that whenever I?m bored I am masturbating to porn... it makes me want to cry.

I want a life free if porn, I?m attempting a reboot. However, I feel that without support I won?t have much success... I?m breaking a habit that is 10 years old.

Hi Tallguy
You can do it and this is the right place to get and give support.
Realise that you are addicted then you can start to look at why you ( like me) have used porn to try and get relief from psychological pain that you/we've had since childhood.
Read YBOP. It's invaluable.
May need a counsellor who will help you through it not just give advice.
Tell your girlfriend the whole story... don't minimise. If she is to be your wife she'll stand by you in love. More than that, she can be a great help in understanding how wonderful real sex is. If you try to copy and paste the sex you've experienced online if won't work. Find out about 'slow sex' and share it together as something new, exciting, fulfilling and intensely pleasurable. It's nothing like the sex that we learned from friends or porn. Why just have 10 minutes of the usual bang stuff when you could have 30 minutes or more of the most incredible feelings you (both) will have in your life?
Glad to give support and answer questions in open forum or PM if you prefer.

You can quit PMO bro!  Thousands have quit and their lives are full of love, connection, purpose, and meaning!  I'm happy to help and support you via this online reboot nation community! I know how MISERABLE being in a pornography addiction is and the withdrawal symptoms are very real, but must be passed through.  Here is an email I got after I recently joined the reboot nation.  It was very helpful for me to understand what my brain was going through as I've rebooted - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER AND THE KEY TO YOUR SUCCESSFUL REBOOT.

This was sent from a user on here named Psyc Ops:



"Hi. Once a week I send out about 10 private messages to newbies. Though not especially religious, I call it "sending out prayers." The purpose of this message is to give you a bit of help starting. I wish someone had sent me this message when I was first starting; it would have made things easier. Most of us have had an experience similar to yours. You are not alone. Porn addiction is a silent epidemic, but we are learning how to fight it. I am going to tell you now the most important thing no one ever said to me when I first started quitting: You can do it, it can be done, many have quit it, it will be hard, difficult, require dedication and a willingness to suffer, but you can live a porn free life, you can take off those chains. Know it, don't hope it, know it. By the way, yes, this is a standard message. The people who receive it receive the same message. However, if you have questions or want information, call me back on my thread below, and I will respond. Everyone, including me, can benefit by public discussion.

I spent one year getting clean.  After one year, porn free, PMO free, and MO free, I moved on with my life. I still post here occasionally, but not nearly as much as before. It won't take you a year, but I do recommend the "hard 90" or 90 days no porn, no PMO, no MO, no O. Your education should start by learning the lingo. Start here:

http://www.nofap.com/glossary/

Let's start with a few basics. Are you addicted? Well, this is a porn addiction forum, but only you can say. Being porn addicted is horrible, yes, but for me, acknowledging the addiction was the first step to finding a solution and getting clean. You know the saying, you can't fix it if it is not broken? Well, you won't fix it if you don't think it is broken. For me, I had to acknowledge I was "broken" before I could set out to fix it.

Porn addiction is widely misunderstood, even in this forum. Understanding what porn addiction is essential to fixing the problem.

So, what is porn addiction? Porn addiction looks like porn addiction, but actually it is dopamine addiction. Porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high. Have you ever asked yourself why porn and sexual thoughts are so fascinating? The reason is that hypersexual thoughts lead to a dopamine release in our brain's primitive reward center. The most important vid to watch is right here, and it explains everything.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment

The vid is by Gary Wilson who runs yourbrainonporn.com

You need to watch the vid, then start studying the problem at the above website.

Next, you need to put obstacles between yourself and porn, as in porn blockers. The best is K9--I advise you install it now. It helps.

Last, understand that after years of abusing your brain's reward center you have come to love the feeling of a dopamine high, we all do. Quitting porn will not make you hate dopamine, but if successful you can return to normal levels, meaning you will get your dopamine the old fashioned way, though actual sex. But, between there and now are withdrawals. That is your brain fighting you rewiring it. They hurt. Did I mention they hurt? You have not abused porn for years without paying the price to be free. Expect it. Plan on it. It will happen.

Study the problem and study the solution. Most of us, who are successful, have utilized the "hard 90", 90 day of abstaining from porn, from PMO, from MO, and from O (unless it through actual sex, and sex while NOT thinking of porn). If you look throughout this forum you will reference to hard mode, and the hard 90; in my opinion it is the only way to get clean. Do not believe you can get clean "gradually". When you are ready to get clean you will have to go cold, that is hard mode. It will feel hellish during that 90 days as you withdrawal. Withdrawals are your dopamine soaked brain begging you, threatening you, pleading with you, extorting you, reasoning with you why you need to relapse. You will have to go at least 90 days before that voice becomes silent.

I cannot over emphasize the importance and necessity of the "hard 90". That is a 90 day reboot during which you are porn free, masturbation free, and orgasm free. It is a limited, painful, time in your life to put this problem behind you. Don't just "do it"; plan on doing it, take steps in advance to make it more likely to be successful, plan on blockers, plan on, expect, withdrawals, so that when they come, you know what they are. It will not kill you, it will only feel like it is. But...It won't.

If you have questions, or get anything positive from this message, PM me, and I will respond.  A couple helpful links:

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals.2402/

I feel like we are in the same boat a lot of ways. I have a very bad issue with pmo now. I don't think my addiction really kicked off until 2 years ago, but I definitely had been look at p for a long time. I really feel you with the wanting to cry everytime you relapse. This sort of thing is so frustrating. I hope we both can get out of this addiction together.