So I've been recently contemplating this. I'm not exactly sure why it's been consuming so much brain space recently but I thought I'd share my thoughts. My SO has compared my PA to a bit of sociopathy. At first I didn't know how to take it, my perception of a sociopath is kinda scary. But I did have to admit she had a point. I had taken my PA to a pretty serious level; using FB to cruise for people I know and fantasizing about them, to even using a pair of panties I had found that I knew weren't my SO's. I carried the lie for our entire marriage, getting worse over time. Looking at it now I felt like I carried a complete lack of empathy for anyone but myself. Although I could justify it by "not hurting anyone" it was despicable what I did. As I look back now I can't really understand it. My SO has been very supportive to me and my recovery but she's struggled a lot with how I could do all that and live with myself.
So I've been pondering sociopathy. Am I one? I mean I feel extreme remorse for what I have done and put everyone through. But seriously, how could I have done that for 13 years?!? Maybe there's more to me than I thought.
So here's a kindof definition that I looked up:
Sociopaths are usually defined as people displaying anti social behavior which is mainly characterized by lack of empathy towards others that is coupled with display of abnormal moral conduct and inability to conform with the norms of the society. People suffering from antisocial personality disorder are often referred to as sociopaths. Some of the other characteristics that sociopaths may display are stealing, lying, lack of remorse for others and towards living beings, irresponsible behavior, impulsive behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, problems with the law, violating rights of others, aggressive behavior and much more.
Though no person is born with this disorder, the sociopathic personality disorder does involve a history of persistent anti social behavior during childhood before the age of 15 and if left untreated, this disorder continues into adulthood too. Sociopaths could also have been influenced by various environmental factors around the age of 15 that is also one of the main reasons for this disorder in individuals. Some of the environmental factors can include deprivation, sexual abuse, abandonment, emotional abuse, association with people who are antisocial, physical abuse and others. Though there are no distinct biological causes that have been identified as the main cause for this disorder, research suggest that for people suffering from sociopathic personality disorder, the part of the brain that is mainly responsible for an individual?s learning from his or her own mistakes and responding to fearful and sad facial expressions tends to be smaller than in a normal individual.
Please note I'm not trying to offend anyone here. I'm just sharing my thoughts on this topic and how I personally feel. One of the things that really stood out for me was the during childhood before the age of 15, which I feel applies to many (including me). I had zero understanding of porn, yet unrestrictedly allowed access to it at a young age. Although I don't exhibit particularly anti-social behaviors normally, I feel like I have when involved with P. It was like it somehow warped my perception and made allowed for a skewed moral code when applying to "my drug". Although most people who met me liked me, and felt like I'm an upstanding guy, I carried my dirty little secret. I never felt compulsed to say "rob a bank" or actually seriously hurt someone, I do have to say I have lacked integrity with a lot of my life. Lying to my SO was easy, lying to an employer was easy. So maybe I have some anti-social characteristics?
Here's a link to a counter point. http://www.signature-reads.com/2013/05/little-did-we-know-5-myths-about-sociopathy-debunked/
In it the author talks about her experience as a diagnosed sociopath. In the end she says:
Recently I have been thinking that the real problem is not in getting ?normal? people to believe that we?re better than they think, but in getting them to see that the ?normal? ones are actually worse than they believe themselves to be. It is convenient to define normal as whatever you happen to be. No need to confront the possibility that maybe you aren?t as empathetic as you seem. Maybe your conscience doesn?t have quite the sway that you thought it did. Maybe you are both capable and incapable of much more than you had hoped. Maybe you have a lot more in common with sociopaths than you?d like to think. Maybe it is just one big long spectrum with only a few people at the extremes and the rest huddled closer to the middle.
So I've been pondering sociopathy. Am I one? I mean I feel extreme remorse for what I have done and put everyone through. But seriously, how could I have done that for 13 years?!? Maybe there's more to me than I thought.
So here's a kindof definition that I looked up:
Sociopaths are usually defined as people displaying anti social behavior which is mainly characterized by lack of empathy towards others that is coupled with display of abnormal moral conduct and inability to conform with the norms of the society. People suffering from antisocial personality disorder are often referred to as sociopaths. Some of the other characteristics that sociopaths may display are stealing, lying, lack of remorse for others and towards living beings, irresponsible behavior, impulsive behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, problems with the law, violating rights of others, aggressive behavior and much more.
Though no person is born with this disorder, the sociopathic personality disorder does involve a history of persistent anti social behavior during childhood before the age of 15 and if left untreated, this disorder continues into adulthood too. Sociopaths could also have been influenced by various environmental factors around the age of 15 that is also one of the main reasons for this disorder in individuals. Some of the environmental factors can include deprivation, sexual abuse, abandonment, emotional abuse, association with people who are antisocial, physical abuse and others. Though there are no distinct biological causes that have been identified as the main cause for this disorder, research suggest that for people suffering from sociopathic personality disorder, the part of the brain that is mainly responsible for an individual?s learning from his or her own mistakes and responding to fearful and sad facial expressions tends to be smaller than in a normal individual.
Please note I'm not trying to offend anyone here. I'm just sharing my thoughts on this topic and how I personally feel. One of the things that really stood out for me was the during childhood before the age of 15, which I feel applies to many (including me). I had zero understanding of porn, yet unrestrictedly allowed access to it at a young age. Although I don't exhibit particularly anti-social behaviors normally, I feel like I have when involved with P. It was like it somehow warped my perception and made allowed for a skewed moral code when applying to "my drug". Although most people who met me liked me, and felt like I'm an upstanding guy, I carried my dirty little secret. I never felt compulsed to say "rob a bank" or actually seriously hurt someone, I do have to say I have lacked integrity with a lot of my life. Lying to my SO was easy, lying to an employer was easy. So maybe I have some anti-social characteristics?
Here's a link to a counter point. http://www.signature-reads.com/2013/05/little-did-we-know-5-myths-about-sociopathy-debunked/
In it the author talks about her experience as a diagnosed sociopath. In the end she says:
Recently I have been thinking that the real problem is not in getting ?normal? people to believe that we?re better than they think, but in getting them to see that the ?normal? ones are actually worse than they believe themselves to be. It is convenient to define normal as whatever you happen to be. No need to confront the possibility that maybe you aren?t as empathetic as you seem. Maybe your conscience doesn?t have quite the sway that you thought it did. Maybe you are both capable and incapable of much more than you had hoped. Maybe you have a lot more in common with sociopaths than you?d like to think. Maybe it is just one big long spectrum with only a few people at the extremes and the rest huddled closer to the middle.