Help. Relapsed.
- Thread starter Eswar
- Start date
doneatlast
Well-Known Member
You can do this! 125 days is really good, and you can do it again. Relapses are awful, but you're fighting it. Even if your "streaks" don't hit 125 again for a while, just keep trying. Make sure each relapse is a learning experience about triggers, moods, conditions and everything else, and you'll make progress, little by little.
you didnt loose the 125 days! thats a phenomenal streak. for over three months you didnt watch any porn. You're going through an elastic effect, where the abstinence was like pulling back the cord further and further so it has come back with vengeance. But you weakened those addictive pathways for sure. Get back on the horse when you can and walk the path. 125 days off porn is inspiring, hats off to you.
Well done.
Well done.
WoundedSparrow
Active Member
First of all, congrats on 125 days. I'd kill to have a streak like that. Second, your experience is a common one. When we relapse, we're giving the brain the dopamine it wants while also lowering our willpower to fight against the urges it brings. It's never easier to fall off the wagon than it is immediately after trying to get back on. But don't see this as a loss. Your brain rewired immensely during those 125 days. 90 days is the standard reboot time. You're healthier now than you were 125 days ago. But it's up to you and the choices you make that will determine whether or not you stay healthy. Getting through the first few weeks sober after a relapse or a binge of relapses is always the hardest. It's like a shark trying to resist a drop of blood when he hasn't eaten in weeks. You've given your brain what it wants and now it's going to want more. The more you feed it, the deeper you'll sink. Treat these next couple of weeks like your life depends on it, because your mental health is certainly going to. Practice what you already know how to do that's gotten you this far. Avoid triggers, exercise, spend time outside, or whatever else you do that kills the urge to PMO. After the first week or two, it should get easier.
WoundedSparrow said:
Thank you very much for your support. Your words are true.
I hope every new comer here gets to know this. Previously you are fighting an unknown enemy in the dark. The more you read about others experiences the clearer it gets. And soon you'll see every step of that enemy in the dark. Now, you just need to ride the time tide. Each passing day is your armor and you're stronger.
Kenny77 said:
Thank you for your kind words. I didn't followed any steps deliberately. I just developed the intent to stay strong and added things that could help me along the way.
Steps:
1. Got into a job far from my usual conditions. Even though job was hell for me I did it because it healed me by being a big distraction. I did it for about 35-40 days.
2. Before, During that time and since then, stopped myself from paying attention to women. Bare minimum.
3. Only listened and watched non-sexual songs n content. But now-a-days, it not easy. So, when I come across something I don't want accidentally, I drag myself out of there.
4. Read porn addiction success stories. Those gave me painful flashbacks of after relapse effects. And made me feel better about myself.
5. Stopped paying much attention to looks.
6. Overcame weak moments with good meal/ a walk on beach/ non-sexual movie (Avengers endgame occupied my mind for long time.)
7. Tried to avoid spiecy food as much as I can. Also sugar. Too much sugary stuff not good.
8. Yoga. Enough said.
9. Holy persons biographies.
10. One big reason I lasted that long is Gabe Deem. Watched his videos time to time.
I thought I knew everything I needed to after his lectures. That's why I fell after 125, I think. See, On that relapse day, I was very frustrated about something. There were too many negative thoughts. There was no vent.
Your mind knows your weaknesses better than you. It trapped me by offering PMO. I didn't know back then that negative feelings about yourself leads to there.
11. Swami Vivekananda. Read about him.
12. Mahatma Gandhi who used to say: Avoid Looking at Bad,Speaking Bad and Hearing Bad.(The three monkeys).
He's somewhat like us. He struggled while controlling his urges. You'll find that material in a chapter in his Autobiography: My Experiments with Truth.
13. Pray man. No kidding. Just pray to your God or parents or guru or nature.
14. Jordan Peterson also spoke about Porn. Try to watch that in YouTube.
All the best.
mookie6092
Member
Eswar said:
It's really difficult avoiding things with sexual content though, right?
It was only when I was rebooting a few years back that I realised that sex is used to sell literally everything!
Remember the Diet Coke adverts in the 80s with the water running over the guy/girl...remember it vividly and at that age I had no idea why they were made in that way.
You never see ugly people plugging a product.
Well done on 125 days, like 4 months, that's awesome.
I think I went about 200 days, erections came back, though was never sure if it would be ok for real sex as I didn't have any.
I then relapsed once, and was really worried I was back to square one, so avoided anything for a couple of weeks, and erections came back stronger.
That was about 110 days ago.
I'd been using old sexual conversations I'd been having with past girlfriends as stimulation, because whilst erections were fine, I'd find it easier to O with help from them...then 18 days ago I stopped being able to get it up. Was weird, I had an erection no problem during the day, but could not O, then later that night tried again and nothing.
Same since. Worried but trying not to freak too much and just exercising and whatnot.
Guess there are a lot of us on this journey together ???
mookie6092 said:
Yes, it is indeed difficult. But it has to be done. And practice is the way. First you'll find it hard but after a few times, it's easy to see it as trash and move on.
Thank you for your support. When you understand relapses, it is much easier to moveon because you won't blame yourself completely.
200 days is huge! Well-done. If you did it once, I believe you can definately do it again.
Here, there's always help for those(us) who need it.
All the best.
Eswar said:
Hey! It's been 4 successful months. Just want to share a few things.
1. Negative emotions/ feelings prompting to look at porn again. Need to curb it.
2. For the kind of damage inflicted on my brain, probably need 4-6 months more.
3.Eat fruits. Lots of them. Milk too. (Don't mix these too).
Just because you stayed away from porn doesn't mean it stays away from you. Some of it stored in your brain itself. So give yourself plenty of time. Don't reinforce it.
Don't be hard on yourself if you fall. Get back up. Don't do analysis post pmo. That just makes situation worse. Get busy doing something. Try to get past your previous best record.
Take care, Brothers.
Easter1916
Member
Congrats. I am inspired.
Hey Pal, I saw you were on recently so I thought I'd reach out and see how you're doing.
I'm 60 years old, on day 50. You can imagine my situation is different than most members.
I related to you for a few reasons- you like to read/expand your mind; you are creative; you seem resilient/optomistic.
A friend sent me a link to chatterbt 3 days ago and that almost sunk me. There is still a strong pull back into the abyss.
So triggers are still a hard reality for me.
Your advice is appreciated and inspirational.
Be well
I'm 60 years old, on day 50. You can imagine my situation is different than most members.
I related to you for a few reasons- you like to read/expand your mind; you are creative; you seem resilient/optomistic.
A friend sent me a link to chatterbt 3 days ago and that almost sunk me. There is still a strong pull back into the abyss.
So triggers are still a hard reality for me.
Your advice is appreciated and inspirational.
Be well
mr.slurps said:
Hi,
Thanks for reaching out for me.
I've read somewhere, with age tendencies may loose force but not lost. Be careful.
My current situation:
I've been having a lot of time for me due to lockdown. Though I'm very indorsy and an avid reader, still couldn't manage the extra time well. the abundance of free time got to me.
From December to February things went okay. No porn. In march, the empire began to crumble. In April, it got more. Some times once a week, some time once every 3 days. Till may mid it went like this. First time, after a long time, watched three days straight. (I never watch more than a hour, mostly half an hour tops).
Future plan:
I've been tracking my behaviour as suggested in the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin(see his chart). Though recent past behaviour is disappointing, I know I am better than this. Much much better. And that this will pass. Once things go back to normal, I'll be over this easily.
Once again, thank you.
Good luck to all of you.
mookie6092
Member
Eswar said:
Hi Eswar, well done on getting to 125 days, hell of an achievement.
Do you mind if I ask whether after 125 days you were able to get erect just with touch alone, no fantasy or anything?
I ask as I am now on day 216, and around day 105, I was able to get erect this way, but that sorta lasted 2 weeks, and then went back to it not working.
Up until a week ago I'd not masturbated in 209 days, and was so close to just giving in (I have K9 installed so can't view porn on my main PC - god send), but ended up just using past experience fantasy to get it up and getting it over with as quickly as possible to just get the release.
So after 216 days I'm still not "cured", but curious whether you were after 125?
Just got to keep plugging away man
mookie6092
Member
Eswar said:
Apologies for the late reply, thank you for your support. Have been 221 days without port, and 2.5 years without sex, but thanks for the help. Every day is a school day so we all need to help each other!