Porn is in the rear-view mirror...but how to deal with the stress and horniness?

"Never say never", but I have no intention of going back. Once I put the pieces together, realizing that it all boils down to porn, I woke up. I don't remember when I porn became a problem. I had to have been at least 14 when I started watching porn and looking at pictures online, but it wasn't an issue right away. I don't remember the last time I was able to get it up just by thoughts/fantasizing. I've always needed something visual, at least that I can remember.

I'm going on 4 weeks since I last PMO'ed, or had an orgasm in general. In fact Monday will be 28 days. it hasn't been a perfect 4 weeks. After week one, before I had done enough research to understand that even fantasizing about porn will slow a reboot, I tried to masturbate to thoughts alone. During week 2 I came across pictures, an again before I had a complete understanding, figured if I look but don't masturbate, it's ok. I ended up trembling and full of anxiety as I went to sleep, because I essentially tortured myself. The good news is that I have gone the 4 weeks without bingeing or edging and falling into the old cycle. Now that I have a solid understanding of the science, I'm being very cautious with social media. I never used it as a substitute, but I'm sure there are triggers there.

I've seen many people comment about low libido, or no libido, but I'm horny as ever. It sucks, because I can't do anything about it. The past two days have been horribly depressing. I'm not sure that it's so much the reboot, thought some have blamed depression on the reboot. I think it's because I'm having trouble not thinking about this process, which seems infinitely long, and there's a fear that it won't help in the end. I'm not going back to porn, it's not an option, but the fear of this not working is not easy to deal with. I'm trying my best to be productive. I have a job. I've also gone hiking with friends twice recently and started to jog. I jogged monday-thursday this week. It feels good to grow as a person and leave porn behind, but at the same time this lingering fear in the back of my mind that rebooting won't work is impossible to avoid.

I've seen lots of comments stating that it takes people longer to reboot now because we've been consuming porn for longer. But original rebooters, like Gabe, had watched porn starting at a young age too. I think it's more the fact that we focus on rebooting too much. Gary Wilson has said it numerous times, anxiety and fear also generate dopamine. Could stressing about the reboot prolong things?

I've had OCD since I was very young, so obsessing comes naturally to me. As an adult, I've learned to manage myself, but this process is a real challenge for the OCD.

90 days seem to be the gold standard for rebooting.  By that I mean you will have some great days before the end of the 90 period, and you will have some bad days (withdrawals, anxiety, horniness, wanting to relapse) after the 90. 

You are only one month in.  I think you need to get all the way to 90 and see if you are even asking the same question.

Quitting porn does not turn off our sexuality, it just makes it possible to have normal sexuality, where before, we were addicted to porn.  That fear that it won't work, that having quit porn you will now have to daily live with the terror of living--everyone in reboot feels that way.  I promise you that if you can keep clean long enough to reboot, you will get to a place a lot of have never been called "being sexually normal and balanced."  When I say never have been I mean for some of us, the younger guys, we begin exploring our sexuality through high speed internet porn, meaning rather than exploring it through the bumbling, awkward, flirting with girls, the bumbling, awkward, first hand holding experience, the bumbling, awkward, exhilarating, wonderful, naive and innocent first kiss, we wire ourselves into hardcore pornography at the time of our first sexual awakenings.

I think you are doing very well to stay clean for 4 months.  That episode of playing with your triggers--most of us have to learn that the hard way too.  Porn and porn alone triggers a dopamine rush, you don't need PMO, MO or edging to ride that high you are addicted to.  And as for Gabe, if I am not mistaken his reboot actually took about 9 months.  When I say take 90 days to reboot, I don't mean that at the end of the 90 day reboot you are back to normal, but, rather, for a lot of guys, they are back in control, meaning that feeling that "this hell might last forever" is behind them, and they no longer question whether they can do it, they are doing it and know they can. 

Your attitude is right:  Never go back.  I know I never will either.

Peace. 

William said:

90 days seem to be the gold standard for rebooting.  By that I mean you will have some great days before the end of the 90 period, and you will have some bad days (withdrawals, anxiety, horniness, wanting to relapse) after the 90. 

You are only one month in.  I think you need to get all the way to 90 and see if you are even asking the same question.

Quitting porn does not turn off our sexuality, it just makes it possible to have normal sexuality, where before, we were addicted to porn.  That fear that it won't work, that having quit porn you will now have to daily live with the terror of living--everyone in reboot feels that way.  I promise you that if you can keep clean long enough to reboot, you will get to a place a lot of have never been called "being sexually normal and balanced."  When I say never have been I mean for some of us, the younger guys, we begin exploring our sexuality through high speed internet porn, meaning rather than exploring it through the bumbling, awkward, flirting with girls, the bumbling, awkward, first hand holding experience, the bumbling, awkward, exhilarating, wonderful, naive and innocent first kiss, we wire ourselves into hardcore pornography at the time of our first sexual awakenings.

That episode of playing with your triggers--most of us have to learn that the hard way too.  Porn and porn alone triggers a dopamine rush, you don't need PMO, MO or edging to ride that high you are addicted to.  And as for Gabe, if I am not mistaken his reboot actually took about 9 months.  When I say take 90 days to reboot, I don't mean that at the end of the 90 day reboot you are back to normal, but, rather, for a lot of guys, they are back in control, meaning that feeling that "this hell might last forever" is behind them, and they no longer question whether they can do it, they are doing it and know they can. 

Your attitude is right:  Never go back.  I know I never will either.

Click to expand...

Thanks William, definitely appreciate the feedback! You've got 421 days? that's inspiring! Have you rewired? What do your results look like at this point? I should've added above that since my teen years I have not had consistent morning wood. I've had it once in while, randomly, but rarely. Never had a wet dream either. The terror, fear, and anxiety to me is that I'll be living porn free and still have erection issues no matter what. I'll admit I haven't gone to doctors yet.  Regardless, aside from PIED and premature ejaculation/not lasting long, I've realized that my life will be better without porn. Period. so I'm not going back. I know I can do it. But it leaves this pestering question of if the reboot will be the solution. I'm 27 and have had one serious relationship that lasted about 18 months.  That ended about 3 years ago. I think for me the depression is also a longing for a real relationship, which I felt before, but it'es much more intense since I stopped watching porn. Porn desensitizes us, but I think it also numbed me. That's obviously the addiction. I have 2 women I'm interested in, but I'm very hesitant to pursue it beyond getting to know them, because of the PIED and premature ejaculation. Before I didn't worry about it until I was in bed, because I wasn't sure if it was all in my head or not. Now the idea of explaining the reboot/rewire process and the science behind PIED is really nerve-racking.

Thanks William, definitely appreciate the feedback! You've got 421 days? that's inspiring! Have you rewired? What do your results look like at this point? I should've added above that since my teen years I have not had consistent morning wood. I've had it once in while, randomly, but rarely. Never had a wet dream either. The terror, fear, and anxiety to me is that I'll be living porn free and still have erection issues no matter what. I'll admit I haven't gone to doctors yet.  Regardless, aside from PIED and premature ejaculation/not lasting long, I've realized that my life will be better without porn. Period. so I'm not going back. I know I can do it. But it leaves this pestering question of if the reboot will be the solution. I'm 27 and have had one serious relationship that lasted about 18 months.  That ended about 3 years ago. I think for me the depression is also a longing for a real relationship, which I felt before, but it'es much more intense since I stopped watching porn. Porn desensitizes us, but I think it also numbed me. That's obviously the addiction. I have 2 women I'm interested in, but I'm very hesitant to pursue it beyond getting to know them, because of the PIED and premature ejaculation. Before I didn't worry about it until I was in bed, because I wasn't sure if it was all in my head or not. Now the idea of explaining the reboot/rewire process and the science behind PIED is really nerve-racking.
[/quote]

Hi, yes, whatever the counter says.  I really don't count anymore.  I am totally rewired now.  Have been for some time.  I say "totally rewired" but really the sex seems to get better as time goes by, so, maybe I am still rewiring a bit.  The thing about quitting porn addiction is...it is a good thing, but it does not fix any other problems and life is full of problems, problems and solutions, challenges, victories, defeats, etc.  I will say that PIED is a recognized symptom/side effect of porn addiction, whereas premature ejaculation is not.  I know about porn addiction, I don't presume to give sex counseling, but I will share an amusing tactic I used to overcome premature ejaculation, back when I had that problem.  I no longer do.  I call it the making spaghetti solution.  But first, gentlemen always let ladies go first meaning make sure she gets hers first.  Premature ejaculation is frustrating for everyone, but it is especially frustrating for her if she has not reached O first, so, ladies first.  Back to the spaghetti solution.  In my mind, during sex, I picture myself making spaghetti.  First, I don't even know if I have the ingredients, so I go to the kitchen cabinet, and see what is there.  I normally envision I am missing ingredients, so, I now have to go to the store.  I walk down the hall, out to the car, get in, drive.  I drive past the houses and other stores until I come to the grocery. I get out, walk through the store, get it in the cart, go to check out, check out, go back to the car, return home, unpack and start making spaghetti.  First I run the water in a pan....etc, etc, etc.  That should keep you mentally distracted enough to allow the lady to go first, which gentlemen always do.  If not, then after you are done cooking spaghetti, it is time for a run to the wine shop.  You get the idea, you can stretch the scenario out as a distraction forever.  I usually get a good 45 minutes out of it.  And that is about as much sex advice as I will ever give.  Good luck.

Peace.