Falling off the Wagon, need help.

Hi all,
This is my first post ever. I have just masturbated to porn, after 3 months of no PMO, idiot, I know. But please kindly hear me out.

I have watched P and M'ed to it on a regular basis since around 13, I am now 23. I found out that I have erectile dysfunction when I was with my ex GF more than 5 years ago. Unwilling to face my issues, I blamed her and ended my relationship with her. Since then I masturbated even more frequently.

I got kicked out of college and started playing computer games everyday, ate, slept and masturbated while not gaming. This lasted for 3 years, and I did not tell my parents until they assumed that I was graduating, the time bomb had finally exploded. During this time, I developed bipolar depression, had frequent suicidal thoughts.

My parents were very disappointed, my mother also has history of depression and emotional instability, but she responded with full support and positivity, my father took a while to recover from this shock, but he also responded similarly, but he still blames himself for my failure to this day. With the love of my supportive family, last year I decided to go back to school to pursue a degree. And I also told them about my ED. We saw few doctors and found nothing wrong with me physically.

After some digging on the internet, I found this site and was convinced right away that I have PIED. And there is also another condition, I cannot masturbate while standing up. Since every time I masturbated, I have always done it on a chair or on my bed, I have never masturbated while standing up, so as soon as I get on my feet, it is like an off switch, I lost erection almost right away even with hand stimulation. I was also able to maintain erection better while I was on the bed with my exGF 5 years ago.

So I have be on the reboot program for 3+ months, and I have had wet dreams 2-3 times. Last week I saw some pics of beautiful women on facebook and had the biggest hard on in quite a while, I was so very horny, the cowpers fluid was dripping out (sorry for being so graphic), so I masturbated to oragsm in the washroom without any pixel, but relying on my fantasies while standing with a 60-70% erection since I started losing erection walking to the washroom. After that I had 4 wet dreams within 8 days, orgasm twice in one night, had to change 2 pairs of boxers! I find myself thinking about sex a lot before I go to sleep, I dont know if this is possible, but I think I am getting better at having wet dreams, there were a few times when I woke up with a hard on right before I am close to orgasm. I am starting to worry a lot about this and I am not sure if this is part of the recovery or if it damages my recovery, it certainly doesnt help my other condition because every time I had orgasm I am on my bed. Lastly, the worst of all, before I wrote this message to you all, I got horny and started looking at pictures of beautiful women, one thing led to another, I wanted to test if I can get a 100% hard on standing up while watching porn, I did and I masturbated to orgasm.
Sorry if my story is long, but I think most of the details are important.

I do have a few questions:
1. How do you stop yourself from looking at beautiful women on internet while they are everywhere (social networks, ads)? Usually, one thing leads to another, and I feel the need to masturbate again.
2. Are women in bikinis (everywhere on the internet) considered porn or soft porn?
3. Is there anyone else who cannot maintain an erection while standing up, without constant stimulation and have PIED?
4. Is my other condition curable by reboot?

Thank you very much for helping.
Sincerely,
MBP

what other condition ?

don't watch women on bikini, don t fantasize, don't sexualize them, stop checking them out, stop  thinking of sex or porn, stop testing your erections, give your brain a break.

Give meaning to your life through something else, and forget completely about it for some month, no PMO, no MO, no edging, but with real women.

I never tried to masturbate standing up, so i couldn't tell you, but I fucked women standing up, so having a proper erection standing up should not be an issue once you are cured .

Strenght and resilience, hold tight bro

Hello and welcome! We are all facing issues here, so I hope I can help, based on my experience.

1. How do you stop yourself from looking at beautiful women on internet while they are everywhere (social networks, ads)? Usually, one thing leads to another, and I feel the need to masturbate again.

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Avoid them for awhile. I understand it's hard to get rid off ads, but you need to deviate your attention to something else to avoid triggering your brain.

For me, it got easier when I convinced myself this is a temporary period of my life. We need to reboot our brains and doing this radical effort will take months. At the end, is just a small period of time of our lives. Understanding this is an important process and you won't be sorry to avoid places and pages during your reboot.

A hobby/external activities are also important to keep your brain busy! Doing this will avoid the temptation.

2. Are women in bikinis (everywhere on the internet) considered porn or soft porn?

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I was driving back home and there she was, printed in a huge outdoor: a girl in lingerie. I pass by this outdoor everyday and I can ensure you: it is a trigger that might work pretty much in your brain as porn did. So, I deviate my attention to the road immediately, take a deep breath and think on something else.

3. Is there anyone else who cannot maintain an erection while standing up, without constant stimulation and have PIED?

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Yeap. Me. Rebooting showed some improvements on that (and I'm only in the second week). However, my main mistake in the first week was the constant will to "test it". Do not do it. This process takes months before anything can possibly improve. 

My mantra for this second week: think about how many years you've been under PIED - why do we want an immediate solution in few weeks or days? This is unfair to ourselves. So, give a chance to your brain to recover in the proper time. Avoid porn, avoid "fake triggers" and avoid testing for (at least) 90 days.

4. Is my other condition curable by reboot?

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If you are referring to your bipolar depression, it will depend. If rebooting is gonna solve the root cause of your depression there is a high chance you recover your vitality and will to live. However, if it does not, I recommend looking for a doctor. Don't play with depression for too long.

All and all: please, do not give up! Give your brain some time. Later you will finally give yourself a chance to have your life back to normal. If you need to post about your problems, feel free to do it here 

Good luck to us all.