How we can entertain ourselfs?

Hi guys! I want to start my reboot journey.My main trigger is I get bored easily.I like animation shows for children like sponge bob e. t. c
And I love listening to rock music like nirvana or queen. Can I entertain myself with those things while I'm rebooting?
It was  first question.
Second question is-is masturabation without porn healthy?.Can I masturbate while I'm rebooting?.(When I masturbate with porn my sexual energy goes away compeletly.But without porn I feel some sexual energy after masturbation).
I don't know why I've never had sex before(virgin) but I have some sex drive.So When I masturbate I do it multiple times because of sex drive.There is no end to to it.(I'm 18 years old).And I'm getting uglier Because of PMO.
And also I did 270 day reboot with quitting sugar and quitting movies and social media.And I relapsed because I felt tortured and my Life was getting darker because of reboot.So I realized that 270 days were not enough for me.
But I can't start again without eating sugar or watching movies.I feel like I'm torturing myself.I can't keep going feels like I'm stuck.If I start reboot with sugar and movies I feel wrong and it's torturing.I'm spiritually stuck.Second reason that I relapsed.I was transferred to another college because I had a grant.So New college was in a new city.On a road our car crashed. It destroyed me emotionally. When we went to college they were so rude and unpleasent with our documents I didn't like it. It was like end of the world to me.After a while we went to dorminitore(I've never been in a dormitory cuz in my old college I was living with my sister).And dormitory is sooo sucked.Windows and doors are so old. Like this city is old.I couldn't live there so I called my folk.He was also a student in this city.And he took me to the apartment.There were other stundets also.We didn't have enough beds.Apartment was soo dirty.It affected me emotionally again.And my folks friends smoked weed.And they said how sex good is that every girl should have sex.They said it's impossible for a girl live without sex.It's also affected me emotionally.(cuz In our culture girl shouldn't have sex before marriage).After that I though that all girls are thots(which they are not)
My life was getting darker and darker.I started watching anime(remember I quit watching everything when I started my reboot).I felt lust which was strange cuz I never had sex.Maybe it's a trigger Idk I was so confused.After a while lying on bed I couldn't  take it anymore all that emotional stress in my life.and I just relapsed. Before starting rebooting I've convinced myself that it would my last reboot that I wouldn't watch p or do m again.After a relapse I was done. I couldn't rise again.

Thank you for sharing your story CarefulLad. First of all, I would like to congratulate you for being on the sobriety journey, you are on the right path.

I invite you to take a step back. It feels to me like you may be trying to tackle too much at once. Take a step back and journal about, why are you doing this. Really dig deep into the why. This is important because having something to work towards is what will keep you motivated. I've been on this journey for about 3-3.5 years and i periodically go back to my why and update it. Simply running away from porn is not the answer, working towards an ideal is. For example, is the reason why you want to quit porn is to build a family, find a girlfriend or maybe to build a business? Once you identify that, dig deeper. What do you get from this thing? For example, if your why is to find a girlfriend, what does that give you? Happiness? Confidence? Joy? Once you get to a deep feeling, now you are on to something. Using this, identify other healthy activities that give you this and do those activities when you become bored.

For example, during my reflection, I learned that I use porn to cope with stress and anxiety. I learned that using porn to manage stress and anxiety was not good for me and it was not aligned with my goals. My goals (whys) are to build a family, buy a single family home, to get in good physical shape and to build a cash flowing business. Now when I get triggered to use porn, I use the red x technique to stop the trigger and do an alternate activity that is aligned with achieving one of the above listed goals.

I hope this helps. Best of luck on your journey.

MajesticElk1 said:

Thank you for sharing your story CarefulLad. First of all, I would like to congratulate you for being on the sobriety journey, you are on the right path.

I invite you to take a step back. It feels to me like you may be trying to tackle too much at once. Take a step back and journal about, why are you doing this. Really dig deep into the why. This is important because having something to work towards is what will keep you motivated. I've been on this journey for about 3-3.5 years and i periodically go back to my why and update it. Simply running away from porn is not the answer, working towards an ideal is. For example, is the reason why you want to quit porn is to build a family, find a girlfriend or maybe to build a business? Once you identify that, dig deeper. What do you get from this thing? For example, if your why is to find a girlfriend, what does that give you? Happiness? Confidence? Joy? Once you get to a deep feeling, now you are on to something. Using this, identify other healthy activities that give you this and do those activities when you become bored.

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I've noticed that porn abstinence gives me a bust in energy and this is the right time for me to invest that energy in doing things rather than just eliminating it with something that doesn't bring me anything. Because porn really brings you nothing. It asks for you to invest energy and then it gives you nothing good in return, just problems. Other things give you something in return for investing your energy in them like, for example, I go to gym, I invest energy there but it gives me in return health, muscles etc. I invest energy in learning a skill but I get the skill and can use it to make money or whatever. I invest my energy in porn and what do I get in return? PIED, anxiety, being tired, unmotivated etc. This doesn't sound like a good investment. But porn fucks our brain and in time, the brain will prefer the pleasure of porn instead of the big picture (what you want to do in life). In my case, the battle between "If I stay away from porn, I will be able to accomplish those things" vs "I love the pleasure, I want the pleasure" has always been won by the latter. This is what porn does. That's why it's so hard to quit, despise being so simple: "What, you have all those problems because of porn and if you quit porn you can do all those things? Then just quit!" Simple but not so simple. We are dealing with changes in the brain. We need to change the brain again. I recommend completely starving the addicted brain = No artificial stimulation. No peeking, no edging, nothing. Very important is doing something about the fantasies, flashbacks and images that play in our memories. They can easily make you relapse. I know it's easier said than done not to think about porn but we have to do whatever it takes not to think about porn that much. If you succeed in stay away from deliberately looking/watching something and minimizing the amount of porn you "watch" in your head, it's a big start. I mean, porn will pop up in your memory because it's part of the withdrawal. You cannot make it never come to your head but you can do something about it, diverting your attention, thinking about something else, looking at something, thinking about that object etc. As soon as porn comes into your head you need to "look away", like you would do with a trigger.