alalex775
Member
I'm not going to lie, the past three months have been terrible for my sobriety from high speed internet porn (HSIP). The stress of covid and the negative news coverage made my triggers much worse. Additionally, being on lockdown and having to work from home made me that much more vulnerable to my triggers, resulting in relapsing a lot more than previously on my three year journey. It's been hard. I relapsed bad. I felt demoralized and de-energized. However, all is not lost.
Not every fall, no matter how bad it is, has to be a total loss, if lessons can be taken from it. We can recover from our relapses, no matter how bad they are. I can recover from my relapse, no matter how bad it feels. I am recovering from my last relapse. I am good. I am on the right path for me, which is sobriety.
Some of the lessons I learned from my last relapse are:
- That I need to tighten up my web filters (done)
- Better ways of dealing with triggers when they come up (done)
- Continue to refine and update my sobriety plan (done)
- Reflect more on my life and pursue things that I truly find value in and meaning in (done)
- Instead of focusing my energy fighting the addiction, focus my energy towards working on what I find meaning and value in (done)
A major trigger for me was negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, and sadness. I used HSIP to cope with these negative emotions when they came up. Being on lockdown made the impact of these emotions a lot worse. What's helped me with dealing with these emotions is the technique outlined in the David Hawkins book Letting Go, which is basically to face the feeling, feel it and accept it without judgement and let it pass without judgement. Using this technique has helped increase my awareness and help me feel lighter (emotionally) and better able to deal with triggers. Another thing that is helping me is the Red X technique, which I picked up when I re-read some of the best practices posts on Your Brain on Porn (YBOP). I will revisit YBOP periodically, re-read best practice posts, and continue to refine my sobriety plan based on my new learnings.
Figuring out things that I find meaningful have also been helpful in picking myself back up. I'm happy to say that I have now given up fighting HSIP. I will invest 0 energy towards fighting that devil. None. 0. I now have something that is exponentially more valuable, desirable and important than fighting HSIP, which are the things that I value the most. The things that I find meaning in the most. Things like working out, being healthy, being happy, building a family, building a business, being successful at work, buying my dream home with a garden and a garage. Things that I truly value. Not some imaginary, pixelated fantasy sold by HSIP that is not real. HSIP is not meaningful to me, so I will not spend another minute of my precious life on it, or another drop of energy indulging in it or fighting it.
I am writing this post for two reasons:
1) To get back on track with my sobriety and hold myself accountable by making my commitment public.
2) To serve as an inspiration for someone who may be struggling with their sobriety.
Feel free to respond to this thread, message me or message me on twitter @majesticelk1, if I can be of any help to you.
Best of luck on your journey. You are on the right track. Don't give up. I am proud of you for being on the path to sobriety.
Not every fall, no matter how bad it is, has to be a total loss, if lessons can be taken from it. We can recover from our relapses, no matter how bad they are. I can recover from my relapse, no matter how bad it feels. I am recovering from my last relapse. I am good. I am on the right path for me, which is sobriety.
Some of the lessons I learned from my last relapse are:
- That I need to tighten up my web filters (done)
- Better ways of dealing with triggers when they come up (done)
- Continue to refine and update my sobriety plan (done)
- Reflect more on my life and pursue things that I truly find value in and meaning in (done)
- Instead of focusing my energy fighting the addiction, focus my energy towards working on what I find meaning and value in (done)
A major trigger for me was negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, and sadness. I used HSIP to cope with these negative emotions when they came up. Being on lockdown made the impact of these emotions a lot worse. What's helped me with dealing with these emotions is the technique outlined in the David Hawkins book Letting Go, which is basically to face the feeling, feel it and accept it without judgement and let it pass without judgement. Using this technique has helped increase my awareness and help me feel lighter (emotionally) and better able to deal with triggers. Another thing that is helping me is the Red X technique, which I picked up when I re-read some of the best practices posts on Your Brain on Porn (YBOP). I will revisit YBOP periodically, re-read best practice posts, and continue to refine my sobriety plan based on my new learnings.
Figuring out things that I find meaningful have also been helpful in picking myself back up. I'm happy to say that I have now given up fighting HSIP. I will invest 0 energy towards fighting that devil. None. 0. I now have something that is exponentially more valuable, desirable and important than fighting HSIP, which are the things that I value the most. The things that I find meaning in the most. Things like working out, being healthy, being happy, building a family, building a business, being successful at work, buying my dream home with a garden and a garage. Things that I truly value. Not some imaginary, pixelated fantasy sold by HSIP that is not real. HSIP is not meaningful to me, so I will not spend another minute of my precious life on it, or another drop of energy indulging in it or fighting it.
I am writing this post for two reasons:
1) To get back on track with my sobriety and hold myself accountable by making my commitment public.
2) To serve as an inspiration for someone who may be struggling with their sobriety.
Feel free to respond to this thread, message me or message me on twitter @majesticelk1, if I can be of any help to you.
Best of luck on your journey. You are on the right track. Don't give up. I am proud of you for being on the path to sobriety.