Help with Relapsing and Feeling Hopeless

Hi Everyone,

I've been using porn for about 20 years now more or less. I just turned 31 a few months ago. I've been in recovery for about three and a half years now. Although I've made good progress, I'm still having trouble with relapsing. I'm writing this post because I feel a discouraged now about where I am now. I want to get rid of my porn use because it drains me of my energy. I hate this but It's been so hard for me to let this go. I had multiple, several month streaks during my recovery, however, they always end in relapses. At this point, I am just tired of white knuckling it, I am tired of fighting it. I just want this to be over. I hate that I am using porn to cope with stress and everything else. I've read YBOP and Wack several times and applied the teachings in my recovery. Porn blockers have not been helpful as porn is everywhere, and there always seems to be a way around internet filters (k-9, freedom, etc..). I am just tired and I feel hopeless at this point. I am sick and tired of draining my energy and motivation on porn. I am tired of expending my energy on fighting this. I am just tired.

I'm sorry to dump this on you. I feel pretty low/depressed now because of my relapse today. I'm happy that I got the above off my chest. I'm going to rest/relax rest of today and pick up the fight again tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. I will overcome this.

Have you looked into some supplements to help with whatever you think is causing these relapses?

What would you point towards that is causing these relapses?

Hello, Thanks for sharing man!

So you was able to go months without porn and you still feel bad for yourself?

Listen man at this point the addiction is a part of you , what probably happened was you grew complacent towards it at some point which is a mistake.

Learn from this mistake , remember how productive you were in these long streaks. don't you just wish you can come back? Patience. You got this.

Hello alalex775,

No worries, you're welcome here and to write about your feeling with the addicition is necessary for us to understand.

you had good streaks the last three years and that's great. During that time you were in control for longer times, but the unsolved addiction got back to you. By unsolved i mean your way with dealing it. Like OBY said, the addiction is part of you, like it is part of me aswell, i have a similar story to yours, we all have.

So, buckle up, think about what caused your relapse and what does it need to prevent them. The addiction doesn't go away by itself. Think about how you and the addiction in the future should live together? Like together under one roof or the addiction buried under the shed?
Have you ever thought about living a life without PMO and what it needs to do that? No more PMP sessions ever?
This scared me when i was on a 14 day streak. I always thought 'yeah 14 days are good and in the end i PMO'.
Anyway, let's share our insights on that.

Welcome.

I hear that you feel hopeless, but you certainly aren't.  If you're getting those streaks, it means you know what you're doing.

I have no way of knowing exactly what is happening, what is going wrong, but quitting porn can be like a side scrolling arcade game.  You face many enemies, you progress, you fight some more, some are stronger than others, and then you hit a "final boss" that just sucks away all your quarters.  The final boss sometimes is a hang up with a fetish, sometimes it is a psychological or emotional thing, who knows.  Loneliness and isolation run very high these days, so I doubt that is helping at all.  A lot of the advice out there in the books and on the sites is about the smaller, weaker enemies you meet along the way.  I only read one book that even ATTEMPTED to talk about the "final boss", a book by Dr. Peter Kleponis, a therapist who had developed a bit of a specialty with porn addiction. 

Stick around and do some posting!  It sounds like you may know a thing or three about all of this.  The boards can always use someone like you to answer questions.

Doctor Who said:

Have you looked into some supplements to help with whatever you think is causing these relapses?

What would you point towards that is causing these relapses?

Click to expand...

Which supplements would you recommend? I'm currently taking Vitamin D on days when I don't go outside. I also take Zinc, Magnesium and Calcium.

I would say the root cause is negative emotions. I think I'm using porn as a coping mechanism for dealing with negative past emotions.

You are right. Patience is key. I feel tired of the fight after all this time, however, I am not stopping. Every relapse is a learning experience. I'm on this path to better myself and increase my life satisfaction. I will never quit. No matter how long it takes.

OBY said:

Hello, Thanks for sharing man!

So you was able to go months without porn and you still feel bad for yourself?

Listen man at this point the addiction is a part of you , what probably happened was you grew complacent towards it at some point which is a mistake.

Learn from this mistake , remember how productive you were in these long streaks. don't you just wish you can come back? Patience. You got this.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply and encouragement. You give me a great idea.

Last year I learned about a journaling technique where I give different sides of me (protective side, analytical side, etc.) a voice and free write. I will give voice to this "addictive" side and see what comes up. Thanks again.

imsorrynotsorry said:

Hello alalex775,

No worries, you're welcome here and to write about your feeling with the addicition is necessary for us to understand.

you had good streaks the last three years and that's great. During that time you were in control for longer times, but the unsolved addiction got back to you. By unsolved i mean your way with dealing it. Like OBY said, the addiction is part of you, like it is part of me aswell, i have a similar story to yours, we all have.

So, buckle up, think about what caused your relapse and what does it need to prevent them. The addiction doesn't go away by itself. Think about how you and the addiction in the future should live together? Like together under one roof or the addiction buried under the shed?
Have you ever thought about living a life without PMO and what it needs to do that? No more PMP sessions ever?
This scared me when i was on a 14 day streak. I always thought 'yeah 14 days are good and in the end i PMO'.
Anyway, let's share our insights on that.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your encouragement. I will keep up the fight.

DoneAtLast said:

Welcome.

I hear that you feel hopeless, but you certainly aren't.  If you're getting those streaks, it means you know what you're doing.

I have no way of knowing exactly what is happening, what is going wrong, but quitting porn can be like a side scrolling arcade game.  You face many enemies, you progress, you fight some more, some are stronger than others, and then you hit a "final boss" that just sucks away all your quarters.  The final boss sometimes is a hang up with a fetish, sometimes it is a psychological or emotional thing, who knows.  Loneliness and isolation run very high these days, so I doubt that is helping at all.  A lot of the advice out there in the books and on the sites is about the smaller, weaker enemies you meet along the way.  I only read one book that even ATTEMPTED to talk about the "final boss", a book by Dr. Peter Kleponis, a therapist who had developed a bit of a specialty with porn addiction. 

Stick around and do some posting!  It sounds like you may know a thing or three about all of this.  The boards can always use someone like you to answer questions.

Click to expand...

alalex775 said:

Doctor Who said:

Have you looked into some supplements to help with whatever you think is causing these relapses?

What would you point towards that is causing these relapses?

Click to expand...

Which supplements would you recommend? I'm currently taking Vitamin D on days when I don't go outside. I also take Zinc, Magnesium and Calcium.

I would say the root cause is negative emotions. I think I'm using porn as a coping mechanism for dealing with negative past emotions.

Click to expand...

NAC is an amino acid that helps with the addiction side of things. Research has indicated it helps cocaine users. Also licorice helps reduce libido. Obviously, not too much, but something just to help take the edge off.