My Unhealthy Obsession on NoFap- Tips for Obsessive people.

A little about myself - This is my first post  I am a 21 year old male from Israel I started watching porn young and not so long ago I realized that I am infact addicted to pornography.

I came across nofap 3 years ago and I've been trying to get a one month streak ever since with no to little success. My biggest accomplishments were two 13 day streaks which now that I look back to I am so dumbfounded as to how did I make it because now the addiction has gotten way stronger.


I know that this is not r/NoFap and I think some of you even advocate to masturbate without porn (fantasy is bad too but whatever) . This was my first introduction to no PMO in any form.

I consider myself obsessive about stopping my addiction and here are thoughts and patterns I follow:

1. Almost everything I see translates into how can it help me beat the addiction or how will it make the next time different.
2. After a relapse I need to just sit alone with my thoughts and talk about what happened and why did it happen, how to avoid, etc.
3. After a relapse I can't really concentrate on studying or doing anything at all I'm too sad and dissapointed to care.

Now some of you may think that this is good and I take this seriously but in reality it hurts me.

I became obsessed with trying to stop and it wasn't yielding any results.

Here's why:
Obsession creates anxiety for success and worrying for success. So - Obsession = Anxiety.

Anxiety is bad because how do you think your brain replies to that?> with an urge. "here jerk off and calm down". So - Anxiety = Impulses.


This is why when you start meditating in hope this will change something you get little success and then fail again becoming depressed.

What we need to do is stop the obsession so it stops the anxiety of failure.


How do we stop the obsession?

I can't believe I am about to say it but you need a break dude. BUT! If you're on a streak and you're doing well don't. Don't read this as an excuse to relapse cause I know you people do it cause I am one.


So to further elaborate what I mean by taking a break is to settle down & here is how:

What you need to do is to come back to the basics, stop the hardmode that lasts for one day anyways. Stop trying to download a bunch of porn blocking softwares just to delete them later.

What you need right now is to focus on not binging.

Every wanker had this wank - You thought about the porn you wanted to watch you looked it up and then immediatly started masturbating without binging and it was over quick! hey!

We forget about those moments because you still treat them as an L in your Obsessive mindset when infact its one of the biggest Wins.

A real porn addict can watch hours upon hours of porn thanks to the coolidge effect.

Your battle right now is with the Coolidge effect dude! That's the basics.

So in conclusion my advice is pick the porn you want to watch before you masturbate, NO FISHING! no looking for new content. It's very simple you wait for an urge, it's probably going to be an image of something you watched in the past so just look it up and be decisive that's it!

I've been doing these for I don't know how long now but I feel so better, I still hope and try to get a streak but this step was such a lifesaver for me.

I hope this helps you like it helped me and goodluck!

Hello OBY,

At first i want to quote myself on a thing i've once posted in my journal, that contributes to your description of the addictive mechanisms:

After breakfast i went back to bed and watched that Tara Brach video ShadeTrenicin gave me the link somewhere. The ideas Tara shared with the Realm Of The Hungry Ghost(s) were very helpful for my understanding of my addiction and addiction in general. What i like to share with you guys are for example the three arrows (https://youtu.be/eKn4IGY8OH8?t=1283).

Arrow One: The desire to happiness or in other words, the feeling that there is always something missing. It leads, when flawed, to addiction
Arrow Two: Self aversion. After e.g. PMO you are not feeling good about yourself, maybe leads to anger (Most dangerous arrow, hit's hardest)
Arrow Three: Suffering, being not present

Click to expand...

Can you feel me on this?

-

I'm not a big fan of your strategy to get healthy and i'm not sure this is the right message a lot of us are seeking for. I agree on, the shorter the relapse is the better, but it's not what rewiring is about. If that's helping you feeling better, good, but will your symptoms go away? Probably not. So, bottom line: one needs to quit porn for good in the end. Anyway, i respect your persoective.

Hey OBY, interesting insight. Looking for an accountablity partner, to help out and get some support. What do you say?

letsreebot said:

Hey OBY, interesting insight. Looking for an accountablity partner, to help out and get some support. What do you say?

Click to expand...

Sure I'd love to, I don't know how this works though so you will need to educate me.

imsorrynotsorry said:

Hello OBY,

At first i want to quote myself on a thing i've once posted in my journal, that contributes to your description of the addictive mechanisms:

After breakfast i went back to bed and watched that Tara Brach video ShadeTrenicin gave me the link somewhere. The ideas Tara shared with the Realm Of The Hungry Ghost(s) were very helpful for my understanding of my addiction and addiction in general. What i like to share with you guys are for example the three arrows (https://youtu.be/eKn4IGY8OH8?t=1283).

Arrow One: The desire to happiness or in other words, the feeling that there is always something missing. It leads, when flawed, to addiction
Arrow Two: Self aversion. After e.g. PMO you are not feeling good about yourself, maybe leads to anger (Most dangerous arrow, hit's hardest)
Arrow Three: Suffering, being not present

Click to expand...

Can you feel me on this?

-

I'm not a big fan of your strategy to get healthy and i'm not sure this is the right message a lot of us are seeking for. I agree on, the shorter the relapse is the better, but it's not what rewiring is about. If that's helping you feeling better, good, but will your symptoms go away? Probably not. So, bottom line: one needs to quit porn for good in the end. Anyway, i respect your persoective.

Click to expand...

Yes I underdstand what you're saying thank you.
I just know that some people over crticize and are harsh towards themselves. This is counterintuitive in my eyes because I was able to get better results when I wasn't taking it as seriously so I think people that are like me need to take a small break from difficult stages we're simply not ready for.

Step by step, start by not binging and climb from there. I'm on a streak now and I promised to myself not to go crazy when I relapse and not go down the rabbit hole if relapsation occurs again.

Absolutely, i agree. It was with me the same. I never wanted to be angry or negative to myself, because somehow i accepted the urge is part of me, like the addicition is. When relapse happened, it was just ok and i tried not to open 10 tabs or start edging. This works in a way, but i feel now, and i compare this a bit to cigarettes, that even if the relapses are rare the dopamin shots in those rare moments are immense. The sensation was huge at times. But, even it was rare i still had the symptoms. With cigarettes it's similar. When smoked, than massive amounts of it, almost binged them. But, that disgusting feeling afterwards was obvious.

Wish you best energy, kindness and positiveness for your streak

Okay then what are you doing now? I think this obsession made my life and my addiction get worsened. I realize it worsened meanwhile I really accept porn and masturbation is not healthy and so somehow I can't get out of this cycle.