Help, voyeurism/creepshot fetish

Hi everyone,
This is my first post. I have been struggling with not porn, but voyeurism/creepshot photos (dressing room spycam, upskirts, etc). I was wondering if anyone else had the same problem and overcame it. Should I abstain from PMO or just the voyeuristic content in general? How long does it take to break this addiction? I heard this is behavior that could lead me to acting out in public, and I do not want that to happen.

Welcome,

I'm going to suggest a different assessment of your situation.  I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to know if it sounds reasonable to you.  What I would say is that you struggle with porn, but the absolute most intriguing, tempting, and exciting TYPE of porn for you is the voyeurism/creepshot stuff.

Does that sound accurate?  If so, you're in quite good company.  It is very common in a porn addiction to have one particular type, usually a sort of fringe type, that is what really works for you.  It is very rare that someone has a full on porn addiction and only likes the most vanilla stuff that they started with.  It happens, but it is rare.  Sometimes it is something that is highly escalated, like gay porn (for straight guys), "tranny" porn, or something else.  Sometimes it is some form of violence.  Other times it is other fetishes that might have started small, but become big, like a foot fetish.  Sometimes it is an otherwise normal taste that becomes exaggerated (for example: someone who is particular to butts can only be aroused by cartoonishly large butts).  Maybe you had a pre-existing interest/history/curiosity with voyeurism before porn, maybe you didn't.  Maybe you are still figuring that out.  But, that is probably just your little hook.

Okay.  So, all that said, my opinion is that you should quit porn and the voyeur stuff.  I'd also add anything that feels close to the voyeur stuff.  Social media maybe?  Hanging out around restrooms?  An addicted brain will play tricks on you, and you'll find that you start doing stuff that scratches that itch without even realizing it.  I know because I've done that many times!  There may be a list of things you do that scratch the voyeurism itch that aren't technically "porn".  If you indulge in that stuff, it'll be a slippery slope and you'll be right back where you started.

Will you eventually act out in public?  I have no idea.  Escalation of porn usage and tastes and the need for that dopamine rush is a very real thing.  We also get lulled into the idea that we just need to experience this or that thing, maybe to get it out of our system or to test ourselves and see what our tastes really are.  I hear this story sometimes from people who visit escorts, especially seeking out fetish-driven ones.  They go with the hopes that their anxiety about it will be lessened after seeing the escort, but they just keep spiraling.  I think if you're capable of telling yourself that going deeper into the rabbit hole will not make you happier, more stable or more at peace with these tendencies you'll do well in avoiding them.

Hello cowsnippet,

i agree with the words of DoneAtLast.
Have you studied the mechanisms of PMO ?

It may sound not reasonable to you, because normally we trust our thoughts. And to admit that this desires we have are not really ourselfs, instead are porn induced, is a hard thing to do. In the end you have to decide, could it be that the addiction is causing the voyeurism fetish or not? Think about it.
When i was a daily consumer i thought about a lot of things that aroused me. Abnormal things. In the end normal intercourse with a woman is all i need to make me happy. And i don't have to seek for new things all the time with my GF. With the addiction, you'll see, voyeurism is just another level of that spiral in the addiction.

Thank you so much for the responses above, I will commit myself to staying away from voyeur-related content as well as lewd images, especially on social media that I find really hits the "dopamine rush spot". I believe that this is mostly porn induced, as I don't get that same "hit" from vanilla porn anymore, and a result of a deeper problem, namely my early, early exposure to pornography in the second grade.

DoneAtLast's assessment was spot on, it is very relieving to hear that someone can give an accurate breakdown of my situation-- I feel less "caged in". Hopefully depriving myself of this specific sexual/stimulatory content will help my brain rewire! 

Hey, that's nice to hear.
Isn't it a good thing that you can get back to normal again? It was for me, it's my biggest motivator.
Start to avoid all p-related content and your rewiring will work. Our community here is for all who want to start rebooting/rewiring and we help each other with that, share our thoughts and emotions. Feel free to come back anytime.

Yea, I'm relatively young right now (18) so I want to make sure I don't have these obsessive urges anymore, and the fact that I can still change is a strong drive for me.

I was wondering if MO should be off-limits as well, the problem is after I MO (without viewing anything), I'm more strongly inclined to seek out P/voyeur related content following the days after MO. Currently, I'm staying sober from all PMO/voyeur but was just curious. I'm also relatively uncomfortable these days, as my head just gets bombarded with thoughts of voyeurism/upskirts even when I don't want to think about those thoughts. Hopefully these perpetual thoughts will go away as I distance myself from the content.

Definitely abstain from MO.  Some people report that they can MO to "sensation alone" or to "real memories", but it rarely is anything but a slippery slope back into porn.  Many report quitting porn for a long time and not seeing any of the normal reboot improvements.  Running the mini porn theater in your mind is never good, either.  It does work for some people, but they're rare, and honestly I haven't seen anyone post a success story about MO only in years.

As an unrelated event, I posted some of my own fetish struggles post-reboot over on a different forum (Gabe, not sure if this violates rules... I'll repost all on reboot nation if it is a problem!).  It might be more reading than you feel like putting up with, but there isn't a whole lot out there for understanding fetishes, so maybe it can be useful.  Don't let it discourage you, though... all in all my reboot has been very successful.  I just get occasional hiccups.

https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/those-lingering-fetish-triggers-can-be-brutal.117873/

Thank you, I have realized after MOing before that it was only a spiral into binge watching and relapsing to the content I told myself I would not watch again. On day 6 now, and the urges are high at times just to let one free (no P, just MO) but I'm gonna go for as long as I can ( at least 30 days) to really distance myself from P and my twisted fetishes.

You can put this behind you. If 30 days are enough? I have no idea, but since you're only 18, just stay as far away from internet porn as you can. The rest with normal intercourse and all will just happen to you at times. Maybe try not to MO as well, it will power up your rewiring.

DoneAtLast said:

It is very common in a porn addiction to have one particular type, usually a sort of fringe type, that is what really works for you.  It is very rare that someone has a full on porn addiction and only likes the most vanilla stuff that they started with.  It happens, but it is rare. 

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It was confusing for me when people talked about escalating to crazy stuff because I'd never done this, I don't know what it's like and, honestly, nowadays, I don't even want to. I didn't know how common or rare it was to get stuck with the "vanilla" stuff but, even if it's rare, people should know that it's enough to get you addicted as fuck, I'm proof to this. I'm addicted as fuck, I've been struggling for years and watching the same fucking videos, over and over again, once in a while adding a new "favorite" video to the list, but it wasn't everyday. What I want to mention though is that no matter how "vanilla" the porn is, it rewires your brain to have a fucked up image of sex and girls, I'm telling you that. Don't think you are not addicted because you don't want girls with animals or whatever.

Thanks guys, I have online class these days so it's been hard to stay concentrated. I relapsed a day ago to vanilla P, and i hated myself for feeling, and giving into the dopamine rush. Unsurprisingly, just two hours later I just relapsed again to model photos. I think I'm making progress though, but not enough. I need to abstain for a LONG time to make sure I get through the reboot period and clear my addiction to the escalated content as well as P in general. Im gonna try my best to not fall into the 4-5 day abstain, then relapse cycle. Thanks for the responses guys, I really really appreciate it

When you understand that P is an addicition and it's not your fault that you've relapsed, then there's no ground for you being upset or angry about the relapse. The addicition is causing that and to blame yourself for it is something completely different. So please, regard this as two different things.
Why is thst important? Because negative feelings contribute to the feeling that leads to urge and PMO. Like relapsing and two hours later relapsing again. If you want to find a more reach out.

Thanks for the replies everyone-- I'm still working on abstaining from all artificial sexual stimulation for the time being, as well as MO (although the latter is hard because im a horny teenager). A problem I have is constantly being worried and depressed because of my weird tastes (especially categories like upskirts). I constantly worry about acting out in public, and the worry just consumes my day. I hope after abstaining from P, as well as MO for a while, these worrying thoughts will go away, as well as lose my interest in my p-induced fetish.

Hello cowsnippet,

sounds like your worrying is consuming a lot of time of your day. I'm not a specialist in these fields, but i had one or two occasions in my life where i felt like acting out. For me, in both occasions, the concerns where a sign that something is not working fine in my life. Firstly, i tried to understand what it was and talked about it with the GF or family. Mostly the problem isn't that big than you think, it's just in that situation. Secondly, i meditated a lot in these periods and learned to focus on my breathing when i felt the concern was about to grow.

Also it helps to make some kardio sports like running and other things for distraction.

cowsnippet said:

Thanks for the replies everyone-- I'm still working on abstaining from all artificial sexual stimulation for the time being, as well as MO (although the latter is hard because im a horny teenager). A problem I have is constantly being worried and depressed because of my weird tastes (especially categories like upskirts). I constantly worry about acting out in public, and the worry just consumes my day. I hope after abstaining from P, as well as MO for a while, these worrying thoughts will go away, as well as lose my interest in my p-induced fetish.

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Yeah, for those of us who have fetishes/preoccupations that can be triggered in public (as I say, in otherwise G rated settings) those things can be very hard! 

I have a question about being triggered in public.  Does it happen simply whenever you see an attractive woman (or not attractive for that matter), or does it have to be one who fits a certain "type"... maybe a skirt/dress that reminds you of that fetish or something?  Do you have to be close, or can it happen far away?  I don't know much about how that fetish works, so I really have no idea.

The fetish will fade.  The anxiety and non-stop nature of it will definitely calm down.  I can't promise that it will 100% disappear, but that is possible.  At the very least, it'll get to a point where you'd need very specific conditions to get those muscles going again.

Hello,

Thank you for the reply,

I am just having a problem with viewing the content, and I never acted out in public so far. The reason I'm doing this is because I feel like because of PMO, I have escalated to content which can have dangerous "acting out" implications. I don't really get triggered to act out , it's more of a constant anxiety/fear that I will never win my battle against this fetish, which will eventually lead to me acting out. Currently, I'm on day 6 abstaining from all PMO, but I really just want to MO and let go. It's just that after I MO, I tend to seek out vanilla P, then I seek out more and more disturbing content.

I used to get triggers when seeing provocative clothing in public, with a temptation to start recording on my phone. Now I don't get such triggers, which is undoubtedly progress, but I still deal with the fear and anxiety of falling into my former self.. I will keep this post updated every now and then! Thank you for the helpful replies!

Hey cowsnippet,

as explained before i want to mark that out again:
In the addiction the fetishes escalate to infinite - as we all experienced. You (we) need to understand that this escalation is just our brain seeking for heavier dopamin shots (novelty). Your fetish concern is existent, therefore i will not say that it isn't real, but it is a symptom of the addiction itself and it will fade over time when you rewire your brain.

For me the thought helped, that after i rewired i can have fun with normal intimacy with the GF and in the end i'm satisfied. This is (or has to be) enough for me right now. Anything else is a trap for me.

To deal with fear and anxiety there are a lot of ways you can find on the internet. We as rebootnation are here for you and every one of us believes in you to recover from that. Anxiety and fear lead to emotions that contribute to the addictive cycle, so it could be helpful for you to process those emotions and lead them somewhere else?

cowsnippet said:

I am just having a problem with viewing the content, and I never acted out in public so far. The reason I'm doing this is because I feel like because of PMO, I have escalated to content which can have dangerous "acting out" implications. I don't really get triggered to act out , it's more of a constant anxiety/fear that I will never win my battle against this fetish, which will eventually lead to me acting out.

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Yeah, I get that... I apologize if my response made it seem like I was assuming you in a worse place than you were. 

I am curious if and how real world triggers are affecting you.  Even if you don't feel moved to act out yet, do you see things in public that trigger the voyeur fetish... maybe certain clothing types, certain situations?  Triggering it doesn't necessarily mean that you're inclined to act out, it could just be that you want to rush home and look up your favorite sites, or it simply hits a couple buttons and gets that heart rate going more than it seems like it should.

yea, mostly times of the day (morning, post workout) are pretty triggering (since i've become accustomed to PMOing during those times of the day), and yea women outside especially in skirts and leggings tempt me to gaze at them for a little longer.

I'm having a hard time right now (depression/anxiety) since I feel like once quarantine clears up and I enter school, I might be inclined to start acting out and f**k up my life..