Taha Journal 2

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mtaha2015

Guest
I am starting my new journal. Because I lost my track completely. Although I didn't masturbated or Orgasm-ed since last time but I did watched Porn today morning. I don't have masturbation or orgasm addiction. My addiction is porn. Orgasm or Masturbation is linked with my porn addiction. I don't have any urges or cravings to masturbate without porn. So porn is my real problem. I am dealing with porn addiction.

I know I have lost my track. I indulged myself first into triggers and fantasy then into porn substitutes and then finally into porn. I have failed to control myself. I have gathered again my mental focus and concentration to start a new journey to reboot. I have to be more strict with myself this time.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
jnv said:
In that case, you should spend the next precious hours finding ways to make access to porn harder. Install filters, K9, find harder to remember passwords, etc... so that you do not fall in the same trap next time.

Whenever you fail, it means that access to porn material was still too easy and you have to put more  things that will help you between porn and you.

Stay strong
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That approach doesn't works for me. I am a tech savvy guy, if I would wish to watch, I will reinstall the windows in just few minutes and then boom boom. So I respect and admire your response and suggestion, but it doesn't works for me. Instead of blocking it, I have to make a choice. Good or bad choice.

yoshi said:
you should maybe a consider a support group or a whatsapp chat in emergencies contest
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Yoshi, I will start joining SAA telemeetings again. Saa support group might give me someone to hear when I would be alone in home and might help me in difficult times too.

NewAdam said:
I totally agree K9 is a great tool that helps to reboot. At least for me...I used my wifes email to register it + only she knows the password. During many years of the fight I tuned up K9 in the best way that suits for me.
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Yeah, but there are always ways to find leap holes. And I have smart tv and windows phone too. So I can't block access to porn completely, I have to find different way to deal with this. Mental focus and concentration. Meditation exercise will definitely increase my focus and concentration.

jnv said:
Indeed, K9 helps a lot. I think that every single one of my relapse since I started less than a year ago, was the opportunity to question myself about how easy access to porn still was. And among all those tools, K9 is probably the most useful one. Since last week and in concert with K9, I've been using a mozilla module which helps me block the sites that were not blocked by K9 (you have to manually enter them in order to block them). With this, I think I now have a pretty strong barrier.
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again , I have different issues in my life. I can't just block porn. And my family isn't supportive either. Newadam is lucky, his wife is helping him.

Shakrai said:
While reading the "Your Brain On Porn" book, I got something I want to share with you.

Your brain doesn't rebalance itself on its own, just by meeting a quota of days and it'll be done.
You have to change your life and be able to enjoy others things in order for your brain to make other connections.
First time I tried (and failed on day 12) I was doing the same stuff, PC gaming and web chat and college stuff, all day.
Thus the relapse.
Now I'm making exercises, running every morning, and next week I'll start yoga classes, 4 times a week.
It's something I've always wanted to do, running early morning gets me up from bed and makes me go on my day, and lose weight, and yoga 4 times a week is just so wonderful for the mind and the body altogether (ever saw a flacid yoga monk? didn't think so), while also helping me lose weight - less stress = less junk food.
So now I'm doing this that helps me so much with stress from NoFap (it does, really... EXERCISING JUST HELPS SO MUCH) and I'm also doing something that I've always wanted to do, that is losing weight, getting fit, and improving my health.
Now that I've got all this sorted out, I can just focus on my career, my life goals, and improving my daily life, fixing my relationship with my gf, etc., since rebooting is pretty much "taken care of".
Also, I'm doing something, and I don't recommend this for anyone who hasn't the strongest Herculean willpower, it's opening up my favourite porn tube website everytime I turn on the PC/laptop, just checking the main page, and closing it. It's helping me get de-sensitized to porn, by reverse-conditionating my brain into seeing porn (I don't watch any videos, wouldn't make sense to) and not fapping, or not feeling any form of pleasure at all.
So, now, porn is not a very powerful thing on a corner of my mind, That Which Must Not Be Seen, like Voldemort or smth, but something I'm just leaving behind.
Also, hang out with friends!
Don't isolate yourself!  EVER! And you WILL want to... But it will be worse.
Spend time in nature!
Lots and lots and lots of sunlight!
Read some books!
Play air guitar...
And read YBOP book, it's really something.

Best of luck,
(now back on track) Shakrai.

EDIT: nevermind me, I'm a failure.
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I agree with you. As you said, you have to change your life. I have to go out. I have to find other stuff in my life. I must meditate. I must talk walks. I must go to library and I must enjoy my life safely without triggers and fantasies. It will be hard to change life style but it is worth to do it.

adrian said:
Stay strong taha! You're in charge of your own body / mind and you can overcome this demon. Don't give in to urges because they will offer nothing of value to you!

All you will receive is guilt and self pity! Deny them and be your own master!

Stay strong! Go out more, find pleasurable activities, hobbies and stay engaged! Lead an exceptional life!
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exactly I am in charge of my own body. I have to take good decisions. I have to feed the right wolf inside me.

Bluefly said:
Adrian has a great point there Taha ,these urges you're feeling are something you need to tell yourself immediately 'No!' when they arise, P or M is never ever a reward, ever. Try and keep your mind as engaged in activities walking reading writing, anything so that you make it difficult to think about relapsing, urges, or P. Stay strong buddy!
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Thank you. Thanks. I agree. I have to keep myself engaged in other positive activities. writing , reading , walking , painting and etc.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
A very good start. No cravings at all this moment. No triggers or fantasies. Concentration and focus coming back in my own control. Really enjoying the freedom from this. Instead of running from it. I am facing it boldly with no fears or worries.
 
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HeyItsMe

Member
Forget the past. Think of the bright future that awaits you after you beat this addiction. You must DECIDE to stop watching porn. Throw your computer out of the window if needed so.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
HeyItsMe said:
Forget the past. Think of the bright future that awaits you after you beat this addiction. You must DECIDE to stop watching porn. Throw your computer out of the window if needed so.
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Thank you.
I can't throw the computer, But I can spend less time on computer, as much as possible.
I have decided not to watch porn.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
aboodos94 said:
Never surrender and try to have a higher aspirations
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Thank you.
yeah, that's whats I am trying to do.
I won't surrender.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Okay.so the day was very busy.I was engaged in college and job. I had no time to watch porn.But I got few triggers today, my teacher at college played a naked song on projector in front of whole class. It had no effect on me, but still I take it as a trigger. I tried my best to avoid it, I kept my eyes down as much as possible.

I don't why, but I am feeling very confident and feeling strong again, just like I was feeling in last streak.it's now fun to come here at reboot nation. it is becoming my obsession. and this is the good obsession.
 
cordy212

cordy212

Member
Good luck on your new journal man, hopefully you can learn some lessons from your last one and leave your porn addiction behind with it  ;)
 
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Hungry Ghost

Guest
Hey,
have you thought about what possibly give you that confident boost? In my own observation it's a specific upward Spiral which often leads to such confidence boosts.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Man of Steel said:
Good luck on your new journal man, hopefully you can learn some lessons from your last one and leave your porn addiction behind with it  ;)
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Thanks.
I am trying to leave this addiction behind for ever.
Thanks for supporting me.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Hungry Ghost said:
Hey,
have you thought about what possibly give you that confident boost? In my own observation it's a specific upward Spiral which often leads to such confidence boosts.
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Thanks.
I need confidence in myself. without it I will go no where.right now, my confidence level isn't too high. I don't believe in my self.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
although reboot is on its way. but I have no confidence in myself right now. I am not feeling strong and good too. Today was a busy day too. had lot of work for my car, college and etc. but damage has been done by the trigger which came up in the class. I am feeling tried too. fantasy hit me hard in the morning and I failed to stop myself going into fantasy. I have to improve in these areas 1. fantasy. 2. triggers. 3. dealing with cravings.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Lot of confusion. lot of cravings. lot of swing. my reboot is completely out of control at the moment. I managed to reboot today very difficultly. I am swinging as well. my brain is telling me different ways to tackle this addiction. I am not able to stick with one thing. I engaged myself in studies today and I felt and let go my cravings. difficult day. So far I am good and clean. may be this a chaser effect. these cravings are haunting me. "go and watch porn"
 
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Peter

Member
good luck with your journey, remember to take note of the triggers and try to avoid them. stay strong and keep on moving.
 
TP

TP

Member
First of all, welcome to your new start. We are all here to support You!!!

You are stronger when that monster inside You!!! You are strong enough to run away every time you feel trigerred!!! Believe in that and it will be true.
 
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