manchacat journey

Hi guys
Started using porn to masturbate at the age of 16, got access to high speed internet when I was 18 and have used porn almost every single day since then.

Lost my virginity at 17 but have had few sexual experiences in my 20s because well?porn was easier to get?did I mention I?m super lazy too?
So in my 30s things have gotten only worst, in the sense that I get less and less connections with real women every year and a weaker boner every time.

I?m 36, obviously single, haven?t had sex in years so I don?t even know if my Johnson works with a real woman at this point but I suspect it doesn?t. Porn has been a very negative element in my life, I tick many of the boxes for symptoms of addiction,such as lack of interest and motivation in?many many important things, obviously in real women too. Which is one of the reasons for this outstanding lifestyle of sexual joy and adventure I?ve been living so far?

Use porn often, and a lot, with a few breaks here and there. I?m even beginning to not have full erections while watching my usual and not so usual material?so yeah?that?s fucked up.
Learned about porn addiction several years ago but have relapsed countless times?kind of was waiting to hit rock bottom and have an eureka moment?but screw it?can?t wait for that to happen, if it hasn?t already, so here I am.

The last couple of years I have gotten a bit more consistent with meditation and exercising, I don?t  do it nearly as much as I would like to, but however much I?ve done has helped a lot. I plan on doing much more of it from now on.

Wasn?t sure of making a post here but decided to go for it.
The reason I was hesitant was that my long term plan is not necessarily no PMO forever and ever. Don?t get me wrong, I plan to completely eliminate porn or any artificial stimulus for the rest of my life, but I would like to eventually experiment with tantra and Taoist sexual practices ones I?m healthy?and that may involve some self stimulation eventually (to touch alone and no fantasy).
I decided to journal this because I think it?s beneficial for me to share it with someone and because this may help others in this journey, and those interested in Taoist sexual practices and that kind of stuff.
I will try to report regularly (like ones a week or so) and let you know what?s up.

I started the 10th of this month so 2 days and a half porn free, yeeey. ;D

today is day 7

day 4 and 5 i was super horny...super. i think it was more craving and less hornyness.

today a little bit less

sometimes i get porn flashbacks, like my mind is trying to force me to fantasize. but i just try to ignore them.

i decided i will do hard mode at least 60 days, probably even 90 and then start to play with taoist practices by then to se if they feel right at that time.

this has been the longest i have consciously avoided porn in the last few years, i think a big reason is that i shared this with a friend that has quited porn for a year and has seen improvent, for some reason that helped me make the first step and stick to it for now.

Well done going a week. I know that you've had some flak about Taoism. Stick with it. I've found that it has changed my viewpoint on sex and has enabled me to redirect my energy. ..and I feel lot better too.

thanks  cranm329

yeah i feel sexual energy practices in tantra and taoism can be super beneficial for most people, specialy people with porn problems.

sure will work on it

Ok, I?m here to report back, fucked up and ended up using porn and binging from day 10 to 14, so I started the count again, I?m on day 9 of no porn.
In day 3 I decided to masturbate at night to sensation alone, I did finish but it was super difficult to get there and fantasy about real girls and past situations kept trying to pop up, I was capable of avoiding it but it was super hard. So I?m not ready to masturbate to sensation alone therefore I will just try to avoid it for now. I decided to not restart the count because I did not use porn at all, and my main intention is to eliminate porn entirely.
So day 9, feel a little horny but my dick seems dead for the moment, no morning wood, unless I have to pee in the very early morning in which case I get a 70% boner, but that doesn?t count from my perspective.
Today I had a very fucked up dream, but I understand that?s a common thing. And in the morning my mind got me directly back to a model from a page I used to really like, so woke up triggered jaja. But I just got ready for whatever cravings I got and ignored them. Was successful and did not fap or watched anything.
Anyway, still here, still focused.

By the way, I will change some of my previous decisions, if I relapse only one day but manage to stop the use completely the next days I will not restart the count, just continue with the progress. I find that?s a good way to prevent binging. Or at least it has helped me prevent them.