Hi guys,
I have been lurking, reading and researching for about 3 days after stumbling upon YBOP.com. It's almost become an obsession as I have spent 4-5 hours a day for the last 3 days realizing most likely I have PIED and how deep the issues go.
This will be a long post as I think it will help to lay it all on the line. I'm 43, married for 5 years and have been with her for 10, no Kids of the 2 legged variety, just 4 legged fur baby's.
Like most men over 35, I was introduced to porn by snooping through my parent's room and found the typical Hustler/Playboy magazines around the age of 10 and I would "borrow" them any chance I got. I think my High School years were pretty typical chasing girls and MO'ing whenever I could. I lost my virginity at 16 and my first sexual experience went as usual with performance anxiety, had a hard time getting it up and didn't last long I dated the same girl through the rest of High School and we had great Sex every chance we got. I don't really remember PMO a lot during that time, but I'm sure it was more often than I recall.
I moved out of state to go to College and was as horny as a typical college student. I was never very good with girls, or the random hookup and would often strike out. I only lived out of state for a year and in that time I only hooked up with 1 girl and it was a disaster. We were a little drunk and I couldn't get it up, which I think had more to do with performance anxiety than the booze. I think this humiliating experience has stuck with me to this day and always have struggled with the initial counter with a woman.
When I moved back home I had a number of great girlfriends where once I had sex with them the first time and the anxiety associated with it subsided, I was good to go. Sex was great and we did it as often as possible. This was early to mid-1990s, pre-internet and again I don't remember doing a lot of PMO, but I'm sure I did. As the internet became more mainstream I eventually stumbled into chat rooms and quickly found the sex side of it and actively searched for online porn.
Around 2000 I fell in love for the first time in my life and was head over heels. Sex was awkward the first time as usual but after that it was great. After reading and researching over the last 3 days I can see the pattern I fell into that are causing my current issues. At least I'm hoping my porn habits are causing my ED as it can be fixed as long as quit porn.
Even though I was head over heels for this women I would go to chat rooms, websites, and PMO even though I was having great sex with my GF. After a year or so I started having a hard time getting it up. I chalked it up to performance anxiety as I was so in love with this women and wanted to rock her world continuously. I eventually went to the Dr. who gave me some Viagra which sometimes worked. I think I was so wound up and worried I couldn't get hard that it would make the Viagra in-effective. This became a source of contention and it definitely had an effect on how I viewed myself as a man. Until 3 days ago I never correlated my PMO to my PIED in real life situations. We eventually broke, which our breakup had nothing to do ED, which was only occasionally.
After the breakup, Porn websites got better and my use increased greatly. I would sit in front of the screen for hours on end at all hours of the day. I had a number of relationships over the next 5-6 years where PIED was still an issue. I would regularly turn to Viagra for a helping hand, but I was young, broke and Viagra was expensive.
I met my now wife in 2005 fell in love. As usual, the first sexual encounter was awkward, but it got better. I still had my ED issues but Viagra helped. She lived across the country and with her absence I found myself PMO more and more.
I have always chalked my ED up to performance anxiety and the vicious cycle in my brain as I could still get it up MO'ing. After stumbling onto YBOP I know it is most likely PIED and I'm hoping that is the case I see now I can heal. At the same time, I'm worried being 43 and that it might just me getting older. I've never been too confident sexually with women, but after being married for 5 years I find my ED getting worse. Why after 5 years of marriage should I have anxiety with my wife? I love her, she loves me and she's smoking hot! The thought of having sex with her gives me anxiety so I sometimes avoid it, but still need the release so I turn to porn, A LOT. If she is traveling for work, PMO for hours, before I leave for work PMO, at work PMO.
In the last year, I have found that I am struggling to get hard even to porn and tried to back off. I turned to MO'ing in the shower every morning but would only get semi hard, but still O. I started paying attention to my lack of MW and thought my ED might be organic. I don't find that I have a loss of libido as I feel I think about Sex most of the day almost obsess over it.
Even with PMO I still want to have sex with my wife daily. I think it's fairly normal after 5 years of marriage for sex frequency to decrease, but I still want it daily. However, I think my PIED has made her frustrated and often denies me so she doesn't get wound up sexually frustrated. I use Viagra almost every time we have sex to avoid this and often take it every night just to ensure I get it up if she is game to go. She also travels for work a ton, works 80 hour weeks (as do I) and often she is "to tired" for sex. She will often say something earlier in the day about having sex before bed, but when it comes down to it she is too tired. This makes me very frustrated and so I turn to PMO, which I now realize is a source of my ED. is it though? any other guys experience this? I find myself justifying my PMO as I need a release and a higher sex drive than she and I don't want to be constantly begging for sex and face the rejection, healthy right? NOT!
In the last 3-6 months, I have found my O's less intense, especially during sex and turn to PMO for a more intense O, I guess chasing? between this, not as much sensation in my dick, not getting hard to porn which all point to PIED? right? or is there something else going on?
I have not PMO'd or any O in 3 days and I'm going to stick to the no PMO but will try and have as much sex with my wife as possible to re-train my brain. Is this a good plan? As I have researched and read the last 3 days I have found myself with huge anxiety about not getting off on a daily basis. Honestly, I have asked myself what is worse? no daily O's? or PIED? My brain knows the answer, but my Dick says differently. I hope if my PIED goes away and I'm more confident with my wife she will want to have sex more, is this wishful thinking? Sex is always on my mind and in order to clear it and be productive I PMO. If my wife won't service me daily this will be tough. But then again, I have found myself PMO or at least MO shortly after having sex, chasing that more intense O, which even with PMO is not what it used to be.
If you read the whole post, thank you! I know it's long but as I have heard stated here it helps to type it all out. Day 3 in the books and looking forward to day 90+
I have been lurking, reading and researching for about 3 days after stumbling upon YBOP.com. It's almost become an obsession as I have spent 4-5 hours a day for the last 3 days realizing most likely I have PIED and how deep the issues go.
This will be a long post as I think it will help to lay it all on the line. I'm 43, married for 5 years and have been with her for 10, no Kids of the 2 legged variety, just 4 legged fur baby's.
Like most men over 35, I was introduced to porn by snooping through my parent's room and found the typical Hustler/Playboy magazines around the age of 10 and I would "borrow" them any chance I got. I think my High School years were pretty typical chasing girls and MO'ing whenever I could. I lost my virginity at 16 and my first sexual experience went as usual with performance anxiety, had a hard time getting it up and didn't last long I dated the same girl through the rest of High School and we had great Sex every chance we got. I don't really remember PMO a lot during that time, but I'm sure it was more often than I recall.
I moved out of state to go to College and was as horny as a typical college student. I was never very good with girls, or the random hookup and would often strike out. I only lived out of state for a year and in that time I only hooked up with 1 girl and it was a disaster. We were a little drunk and I couldn't get it up, which I think had more to do with performance anxiety than the booze. I think this humiliating experience has stuck with me to this day and always have struggled with the initial counter with a woman.
When I moved back home I had a number of great girlfriends where once I had sex with them the first time and the anxiety associated with it subsided, I was good to go. Sex was great and we did it as often as possible. This was early to mid-1990s, pre-internet and again I don't remember doing a lot of PMO, but I'm sure I did. As the internet became more mainstream I eventually stumbled into chat rooms and quickly found the sex side of it and actively searched for online porn.
Around 2000 I fell in love for the first time in my life and was head over heels. Sex was awkward the first time as usual but after that it was great. After reading and researching over the last 3 days I can see the pattern I fell into that are causing my current issues. At least I'm hoping my porn habits are causing my ED as it can be fixed as long as quit porn.
Even though I was head over heels for this women I would go to chat rooms, websites, and PMO even though I was having great sex with my GF. After a year or so I started having a hard time getting it up. I chalked it up to performance anxiety as I was so in love with this women and wanted to rock her world continuously. I eventually went to the Dr. who gave me some Viagra which sometimes worked. I think I was so wound up and worried I couldn't get hard that it would make the Viagra in-effective. This became a source of contention and it definitely had an effect on how I viewed myself as a man. Until 3 days ago I never correlated my PMO to my PIED in real life situations. We eventually broke, which our breakup had nothing to do ED, which was only occasionally.
After the breakup, Porn websites got better and my use increased greatly. I would sit in front of the screen for hours on end at all hours of the day. I had a number of relationships over the next 5-6 years where PIED was still an issue. I would regularly turn to Viagra for a helping hand, but I was young, broke and Viagra was expensive.
I met my now wife in 2005 fell in love. As usual, the first sexual encounter was awkward, but it got better. I still had my ED issues but Viagra helped. She lived across the country and with her absence I found myself PMO more and more.
I have always chalked my ED up to performance anxiety and the vicious cycle in my brain as I could still get it up MO'ing. After stumbling onto YBOP I know it is most likely PIED and I'm hoping that is the case I see now I can heal. At the same time, I'm worried being 43 and that it might just me getting older. I've never been too confident sexually with women, but after being married for 5 years I find my ED getting worse. Why after 5 years of marriage should I have anxiety with my wife? I love her, she loves me and she's smoking hot! The thought of having sex with her gives me anxiety so I sometimes avoid it, but still need the release so I turn to porn, A LOT. If she is traveling for work, PMO for hours, before I leave for work PMO, at work PMO.
In the last year, I have found that I am struggling to get hard even to porn and tried to back off. I turned to MO'ing in the shower every morning but would only get semi hard, but still O. I started paying attention to my lack of MW and thought my ED might be organic. I don't find that I have a loss of libido as I feel I think about Sex most of the day almost obsess over it.
Even with PMO I still want to have sex with my wife daily. I think it's fairly normal after 5 years of marriage for sex frequency to decrease, but I still want it daily. However, I think my PIED has made her frustrated and often denies me so she doesn't get wound up sexually frustrated. I use Viagra almost every time we have sex to avoid this and often take it every night just to ensure I get it up if she is game to go. She also travels for work a ton, works 80 hour weeks (as do I) and often she is "to tired" for sex. She will often say something earlier in the day about having sex before bed, but when it comes down to it she is too tired. This makes me very frustrated and so I turn to PMO, which I now realize is a source of my ED. is it though? any other guys experience this? I find myself justifying my PMO as I need a release and a higher sex drive than she and I don't want to be constantly begging for sex and face the rejection, healthy right? NOT!
In the last 3-6 months, I have found my O's less intense, especially during sex and turn to PMO for a more intense O, I guess chasing? between this, not as much sensation in my dick, not getting hard to porn which all point to PIED? right? or is there something else going on?
I have not PMO'd or any O in 3 days and I'm going to stick to the no PMO but will try and have as much sex with my wife as possible to re-train my brain. Is this a good plan? As I have researched and read the last 3 days I have found myself with huge anxiety about not getting off on a daily basis. Honestly, I have asked myself what is worse? no daily O's? or PIED? My brain knows the answer, but my Dick says differently. I hope if my PIED goes away and I'm more confident with my wife she will want to have sex more, is this wishful thinking? Sex is always on my mind and in order to clear it and be productive I PMO. If my wife won't service me daily this will be tough. But then again, I have found myself PMO or at least MO shortly after having sex, chasing that more intense O, which even with PMO is not what it used to be.
If you read the whole post, thank you! I know it's long but as I have heard stated here it helps to type it all out. Day 3 in the books and looking forward to day 90+