I don't know if I can call myself a veteran. I don't completely abstain now but let myself go when I feel like the "thirst is real" - whatever that means! I began my journey with abstinence like most others and would hold on for about 1-2 months back to back. I had some insights in the process and slowly changed my strategy to what it is now. Right now, I do it about once a week - varies with season but averagely about that..
Now, I want to discuss what are called "flatlines". I used to have pretty bad ones on my long abstinences.. felt very dead. Now on these more "moderate" abstinences, I felt moderately dead most of the while. I feel a little better physically and mood wise when I "let go" ;-) and then descend to a quite worse. This is a quite common observation I believe - The feeling better after relapsing and then back to the flatline.
This morning I write because for the past two months I haven't flatline the usual way.. Instead, I felt a little "out of sorts", a little dis-interested, but neither very-focussed, nor very beaten - which are the extremes I am used to.. I had gotten so used to these extremes - the being beaten up was like a meditation, the being focussed was fierce.. but now instead I feel energetic but not focussed and all over the place - very manic actually. This is something really new for me.
Any experienced veterans feel like adding something?? I feel a little better today though, as I write this.
Edit: Throughly edited to make the post clearer.
Now, I want to discuss what are called "flatlines". I used to have pretty bad ones on my long abstinences.. felt very dead. Now on these more "moderate" abstinences, I felt moderately dead most of the while. I feel a little better physically and mood wise when I "let go" ;-) and then descend to a quite worse. This is a quite common observation I believe - The feeling better after relapsing and then back to the flatline.
This morning I write because for the past two months I haven't flatline the usual way.. Instead, I felt a little "out of sorts", a little dis-interested, but neither very-focussed, nor very beaten - which are the extremes I am used to.. I had gotten so used to these extremes - the being beaten up was like a meditation, the being focussed was fierce.. but now instead I feel energetic but not focussed and all over the place - very manic actually. This is something really new for me.
Any experienced veterans feel like adding something?? I feel a little better today though, as I write this.
Edit: Throughly edited to make the post clearer.