Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

Hello fellow rebooters,

Why I am here.

Last week when my wife and I were having sex, I quickly lost interest and became flaccid. I assured her it must be due to me being tired, which wasn't true of course.

A few years ago I read about men becoming addicted to porn and unable to sustain sexual activity. I thought that could be me, but I was still having good sexual encounters. So I dismissed the fact I was addicted to porn and went on looking at porn and increasing my viewing of it.


Realisation

When I couldn't maintain an erection whilst being with the woman I love, I knew all too well what the reason was.

PORN


What next?

I now accept I have an addiction to porn.
It is where I get my sexual stimulation from.
I can binge on a smorgasbord of body types and sexual orientation.
I must do what I can to resist the urge to view porn.

Reboot Nation will be the start of helping me deal with this addiction.

I will be reading many other stories from rebooters to help me understand what am I dealing with, what others have experienced and ways to cope to the expected relapse.

I hope to be as strong as so many of you are and I will show support as much as I can.

TM
 
Day Two

Keeping a journal like this and in such a public space is awesome. I can't hide and help and inspiration is so close.

I am seeing how difficult doing Hard 90 will be. The reward is well worth any pain though.
It is difficult because temptation is everywhere.

I am an amateur photographer, so on social media I follow quite a few photographers to get inspiration for my art.
About half of them have photo sets of girls in all states of undress. The other half are landscape photographers.

At this stage I have unfollowed the ones with nudity in their portfolio. I will return to them after 90 days. Possibly.

I also wanted to say I already feel the fog lifting.

Good times and bad times will come.

Stay strong everyone.
 
B

BlueSun

Guest
Welcome and keep it up.  These forums have been my saving grace.

I do tech work, so I'm at keyboard and mouse all the time.  Having this compulsion occur so closely with my means of making a living has caused me to have to approach things in an entirely different way.  I appreciate what you've done with the photo blogs. 

Since quitting, my draw towards pictures has increased.  I was shopping for thermal underwear on amazon and found myself zooming in on the model pictures. 

Stay strong and be honest with yourself here. It makes all the difference in the world.
 

gummianka

Active Member
Welcome!

You will find a lot of wisdom and inspiration here from men far better then me when it comes to beating this beast. My 2 cents would be:

Don't be afraid to look beyond this community to find help. Look at all kinds of addictions, all kinds of brain science etc.

See this as a COMPLETE journey, not a one way track or a single attempt. That means that it is just as important to know how to handle relapses as it is to be able to resist urges. So prepare for the worst from day one so if that happens you can still benefit from it.
 
Day Two

Okay, I didn't understand the real possibility of getting headaches because one removes P stimulation.
I have had one most of the day. I usually don't get headaches, so initially I thought it couldn't be because I'm going Hard 90. But it is.
How weird and also exciting that stopping an addiction that isn't related to any type of substance, still brings on headaches.

Big thing today; I told a good friend what I am doing. I have given him support during his recent alcohol rehab, so he was proud and very supportive of what I'm doing.

I hope you all can have a good friend or family member that you feel comfortable enough with, to confide in.

I also found an object that recently got me thinking that I liked P too much. A signed photo of a lingerie model that I paid for. Why I bought it I have no idea. It isn't like I can hang it up anywhere. So in a drawer it sat since. It has now been shredded.

I have started to fill in the free time with activities I haven't focused on for some time.

TM
 
Day Three

Reading quite a few other journals has really helped in dealing with any cravings for P. Also, seeing what other re-booters have experienced is invaluable.

I thought about P last night and thought I had found yet another Achilles heal in my defences.

BOREDOM

I was laying in bed, mobile in hand and I wanted something to do. In the past I would looked at P for an hour or two, before eventually falling asleep, happy, even if M or O didn't occur.

So I downloaded an easy game and played that for an hour.

This is my current focus, don't let boredom strike. Not necessarily keep busy, but don't let my mind slip into familiar and bad thought patterns.

Yoga and meditation sure do help. I have started doing both again, as well learning to play the bass guitar again.
I think relearning the bass will be easy, compared to meditation and yoga.

Stay strong everyone.

TM
 
Hi Boo.

Thanks for the kind words.
Reading everyone's experiences is giving me more tools and tips.

Fretted bass is my choice. Double Bass is 2nd.

TM
 
Day Four

What comes easy won't last, what lasts won't come easy.

Even though I was busy at work then at a work function in the evening. Temptation only presented itself when coming home.

I used to like to visit an adult cinema before coming home if I was out at night. M & O before walking in the front door. So I thought I had sailed through the day without being tempted. Then I saw the lights of the adult cinema.

I drove past knowing one small stumble will set me back. It was difficult, the pleasure I thought I would receive, initially was too strong. I thought I would submit to its call.
I didn't somehow. I say somehow because I'm really not too sure what stopped me from walking into the cinema.

Sleep

I have noticed these last few nights that I am getting to bed at my usual time, but waking up 2-3 hours before my alarm goes off. That has never happened before.
 
Thank-you Fj6


Day Five

Another day of keeping busy has kept any bad thoughts at bay.

Except this evening.
Sitting on the couch, watching some tv and I think about P and allowing myself a peak.
I resist and think about what I want to achieve by going Hard 90.
The small amount of pleasure I THINK IT WILL BRING ME, isn't worth it I tell myself.

TM
 
Day Eight

Long time, no write.

Boredom is my biggest risk when it comes to controlling my need to PMO.
I have been too busy these last few days to even think about PMO.

Additionally, watching a horror movie certainly made me not think about PMO.

I have read elsewhere in other people's journals about unwilling seeing the naked form.
For instance in a movie or tv show.
A show I had recorded, I could fast forward past the nudity scenes.

During the movie I watched a few days ago, there wasn't nudity, just the glimpse of a woman's d?colletage. It was a horror film, so I was quickly distracted by bad stuff happening in the screen.

But this unwilling participation in viewing nudity can either be seen as a test of my fortitude to see this Hard 90 through to the end, or it could be the reason for a relapse.

Thus far I am strong and I hope everyone is the same.

Stay strong fellow rebooters.

TM
 
Day Eight - pt II

Went out to dinner with four male friends. There is usually a bit of talk about females throughout these occasions. That didn't bother me and my current Hard 90 situation.

Then a friend was showing us some P on his phone. I didn't look, said things like "I've seen her before" and "I'm not really into that type of girl / situation".

Doing that saved me from seeing any P that he showed.

But things got a little tougher when they decided to visit a local brothel afterwards. Me and another guy said "No thanks" and stayed in the car.

It was tough afterwards. All I wanted to do (and still do) is PMO.

I haven't.

Tonight was one hell of a test.

A test that will continue forever I imagine.


Anyone else have similarly tough occasions to live through?

TM
 

RecoveryJunkie

Active Member
It's been just over 2 months for me no PMO no M, I had PIED and was able to finally have sex successfully last night WOOOHOOO!!!
 

RecoveryJunkie

Active Member
I'm not sure why the second part of my message didn't print but I will include it here as it is more important than my last reply:

It's been my experience that after a while PMO free and M free that my discussions about hot women with my buddies is different. I find myself not wanting to engage in that talk and not wanting to look at pics or vids of hot women or fucked up shit. Even if it's justs for a laugh. I don't find it funny anymore.

There are also days where for whatever reason, I am the instigator of the hot women conversation. The good thing is that I have an awareness and strive to do better next time. You are doing awesome, keep educating yourself on how the P affects you mentally, physically and psycologically.

Knowledge is key and if you have a faith in a HP this can also do wonders for you when you are week.

All the best to you my friend.
 
Thx RJ.
Your message rings true for me as well.
I have found that even after a week of being PMO-free, I do not want to participate or instigate any derogatory discussion about any woman.

That is an amazing additional affect of not allowing PMO to run my erotic life.

Keep strong my friend.
 
Day Eleven

What I am about to write frightens me. But it is a big part of whom I am, so here goes.

I am a bisexual male. I have been since I was 17 years old.

I have only just recently come out to family and friends, and now I thought it was right that I am open with you, my rebooter family.

I find being bisexual has affected my rebooting in regards to being vigilant to not allow any female and male images of sexuality break my spirit.

WOW, a small weight off my shoulders just disappeared.

Thank-you.
 
B

BlueSun

Guest
Facing yourself each day, accepting who you are, changing for the better, being the brightest you you can be, I am honored to witness your story. I stand with you. Stay strong!
 
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