Andy's NoFap Journal

Hi All,

Short intro about me and my problem:
I'm Andy from Indonesia. I'm 26 years old and currently working. I've been addicted to porn since young. Now porn and mastubation becomes my relief system whenever I feel stress. To worsen the situation, when I achieve something, e.g. finish a tough assignment at work, porn and masturbation becomes my reward system.

So now I want to break the vicious circle. I have been trying many many times but I keep relapsing. Most of the time because I'm too stress at work and my brain will ask me to PMO to relief that stress.

This time I want to get real serious about this and will try to write my journal every day. I hope you guys can support me and I will also read and support all of you in this forum.

Current things that I use for distractions:
1) Computer games
2) Fantasy NBA with friends (New NBA season starting soon)
3) Listen to music
4) Read novel (but not very effective)
5) Read and listen to church stuff (Yes, I'm a Christian)
6) Exercise (Currently trying to follow T25 daily program https://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/focus-t25-workout.do)

Please lemme know if you guys have any comments or suggestions! Let's support each other here!

Cheers!

Day 3...

So far so good... Some pictures from porn came to my mind when I saw pretty girls around but I quickly snapped out of it by slapped/pinched myself. It did work surprisingly.

I worked OT today and now I'm still wide awake. Feel the urge to open porn because this timing is usually the most dangerous for me (it's about 23.19 here GMT+7). I try to distract myself by opening this site.

So I'm gonna heading to bed soon before the urges get stronger...

Cheers!

Ah Crap! Relapsed at day 7. Can't resist the urge.

Gonna try harder!!!

A new day tomorrow!

Any suggestions for mind distraction from porn and its urges??

My first strategy with my accountability partner:
This is one of the plans I send to my partner.  You can find your support in anyone......  It's a beautiful community

?You want to survive like cattle, form a heard. You want to hunt like wolves, form a pack! ?

MARK I:
1) Knowing the addiction:
First we need to be educated about the thing we are fighting. Go through the videos of Gabe and watch the great porn experiment. Get as much information about things we can get. Knowing the withdrawl symptoms is a must. So that whenever we feel that we remain prepared and know how to fight them.
2) Knowing the family:
This is one important factor. Know your family genes. Genes are what we have inherited and what we are made up of. Ever wondered why 1% population of USA controls 90% of it? Because they inherited their family genes and are hard working, intelligent and physically strong. It will be very difficult to compete with them but not impossible. Long story short, family history will affect you no matter what. By knowing your family, I mean know your genes. Does anyone in your family suffered addiction? Be it alcohol or drugs or tobacco or even petty things like Internet? Did they came out of it successfully or partially? You don't need to ask around, just think. Count your grandfathers, parents, your uncles and aunts (not the in laws of your parents, just the direct blood relating ones) and your siblings. For example, My father came out of a tobacco abuse but my grandfather still has a problem leaving it. It gives you an insight.
3) Knowing weak spots and trigger points:
this is very important. Know the time of the day when you feel low or miserable. For me it is the afternoon and late night. It is the point when we are most vulnerable and porn can get us. Doing something constructive during that time can help us. (Probably we'll figure that one out in MARK II). Similarly, Trigger points are of also dealt in the same way. Anything can be triggering such as for you it was something you didn't liked of the older girl you were seeing. (On a personal note, older chicks are proven to be... how to put it not such great match... They are way too mature and some, well, diplomatic)
4) Determination a.k.a ?THE GRIT?
This is the single most important factor that can not only help us achieve our addiction free life but is most important thing to be successful professionally or personally. Do you know what do US navy seals have that make them so deadly? (US navy seal is the most deadliest special force in the world, Seal team 6 killed Osama Bin Laden.) They have determination that no ordinary man possess. During the selection process, they have a hell week. It is considered the toughest human exercise in the planet. Is is so tuff that most of the guys quit. The only ones who survive are the ones with one thing that makes all difference; GRIT. They were no any superior in strength to their counterparts but it was the determination that kept them going. So once we are determined, then there is only us and our aim.
5) Our jobs as accountability partners:
once we possess the knowledge. Next stats our journey:
I) Staying connected:
First we need to be connected. There is no point of doing it on reboot nation. Pathetic Interface. We need a fast social networking system. Facebook is out. (My ex-girlfriend has turned psycho and stalking me on every social networking site. I'll explain the details later.) Are you on Whatsapp, it is a facebook owned messaging app and free to use. I am solely on it because on this she cannot trace me and it is my problem that I cannot switch on any other. We need to stay connected so that we can form the bond and stick to our plans. In case of any fap emergency, we can have an contingency plan. Reboot nation does not give us this advantage.
II) Sticking out to each other:
P subs are problem for me. So I need to control my urges a lot and I make sure you have them in control too and same goes for you. We need to protect each other's back. Make us responsible for each other's actions. You relapse so do I and vice versa.
III) Initiative:
We need to learn to initiate. You want to see a classic example of procrastination. We still  haven't started our journal ! We need to learn to initiate and reason as well.

Today's my birthday and I decided to give it a go to NoFap as well.
Wish us luck.

Hi there Dream_nofap!

Thanks for the tips!

Currently I'm still observing my addiction. Here's some of my observations:
1) My most vulnerable time is at night after work and in the morning especially when I'm alone in my room
2) Some of the urges come when I'm unable to solve my problems at work and feeling stressful
3) When I see hot girls around, I always try to look away but then the images from P always come in my mind
4) The only accountability partners are from this forum. I haven't told anyone about this including my family and friends. My family and friends are great but I'm kinda scared to tell them and I'm ashamed.
5) I often 'negotiate' with myself about P and P subs. Like "one bikini pic won't hurt" (I still don't know how I can stop this)

Cheers!

Hi REAL!

Happy birthday to you my friend!  8)

All the best for the progress and maybe you can get a counter so that easier for you to monitor your progress!

Cheers!

Back to Day 1!

Spent the whole day at home. I'm working from home. The temptation is huge! The mood swing is real bad.. I tried to shoo the urges away with games, sleep, or some light exercises.

I had this close relationship with a girl. We are very close but we are not together (yet). I think the mood swing affected my chats with her yesterday but when she asked me what's wrong, I just couldn't tell her about this.

When I woke up this morning, I feel like crap, no energy and frustrated. Usually what I will do is to PMO (what i used to relief myself from stress) thus the urges to PMO is really bad  . I think gonna hit a shower and quickly go to work before I relapse again.

I hope things will get better soon.

Cheers all!

I would suggest finding a nice local bar where you can work from.


At home, if you are sharing your place with someone else, move you computer to the living room

his is what i am thinking to do for the porn blocking thing.

The devices in which i use porn:
1) phone
2) laptop

softwares that i am going to use:
1) k9 in laptop (if it comes to it then even paid version, i am an open source guy use both window and ubuntu)
2) comvigo in phone
3) set up an open dns network in the wi fi zone so no porn can be viewed.

In laptop, there is no anti porn in ubuntu so I am going to install k9 in windows and then register it with my friends id and i will ask my friend to set a password and that he does not tell me for the next five months. the same will be done with comvigo. the problem arises about the ubuntu. so what i am going to do is that i am going to transfer all the data of ubuntu and then ask the same friend to change my ubuntu password. then i have no access to ubuntu (it is very difficult to hack in my ubuntu because i have changed a lot of settings, i do not know the process and will not try because of the fear of corrupting the drive.)

The problem is that I have not yet told the friend about the reboot of addiction. SO i  am just going to lell him that i waste a lot of time watching it and want to get away for some time. any guy can understand that "Wasting a lot of time on porn" Right? 

It is very important that you register with an account whose e-mail password you do not know because you can be tempted to recover password of k9 or comvigo by deception tactics of 'forgot password'.

Also in your mobile phone take up some data which is important and cannot be transferred, with this you cannot possibly factory reset your phone. the data can be complex app settings or unfinished books on kindle. (you will lose a lot of bookmarks and they are a pain in the ass to relocate them, if you are a reading guy, you'll understand.)
 
Open dns is very important because it will block porn from a whole wi-fi connection so incase of a third divice you will not be able to access porn.

hope, this helps. and do inform me if you find a glitch in this plan.....

Lapper said:

I would suggest finding a nice local bar where you can work from.


At home, if you are sharing your place with someone else, move you computer to the living room

Click to expand...

Hi Lapper!

Thanks for the suggestions,

Moving my com to the living room is not an option for me because I'm currently renting just a room so living room is out of bound for me.

The first one, yes I have been trying to stay late at work just to avoid being alone in my room. So that, when I reach home I just go to sleep straight away haha.

All the best to you too man!

Cheers!

Dream_nofap said:

his is what i am thinking to do for the porn blocking thing.

The devices in which i use porn:
1) phone
2) laptop

softwares that i am going to use:
1) k9 in laptop (if it comes to it then even paid version, i am an open source guy use both window and ubuntu)
2) comvigo in phone
3) set up an open dns network in the wi fi zone so no porn can be viewed.

In laptop, there is no anti porn in ubuntu so I am going to install k9 in windows and then register it with my friends id and i will ask my friend to set a password and that he does not tell me for the next five months. the same will be done with comvigo. the problem arises about the ubuntu. so what i am going to do is that i am going to transfer all the data of ubuntu and then ask the same friend to change my ubuntu password. then i have no access to ubuntu (it is very difficult to hack in my ubuntu because i have changed a lot of settings, i do not know the process and will not try because of the fear of corrupting the drive.)

The problem is that I have not yet told the friend about the reboot of addiction. SO i  am just going to lell him that i waste a lot of time watching it and want to get away for some time. any guy can understand that "Wasting a lot of time on porn" Right? 

It is very important that you register with an account whose e-mail password you do not know because you can be tempted to recover password of k9 or comvigo by deception tactics of 'forgot password'.

Also in your mobile phone take up some data which is important and cannot be transferred, with this you cannot possibly factory reset your phone. the data can be complex app settings or unfinished books on kindle. (you will lose a lot of bookmarks and they are a pain in the ass to relocate them, if you are a reading guy, you'll understand.)
 
Open dns is very important because it will block porn from a whole wi-fi connection so incase of a third divice you will not be able to access porn.

hope, this helps. and do inform me if you find a glitch in this plan.....

Click to expand...

Hi man!

That's a good plan right there!

For me I tried K9 before and I planned to do exactly the same thing (ask a friend to change the password). The problem with me is that some of my work requires a lot of research (non related to P whatsoever). When I need to do this, K9 often blocks those sites that I need to open for my work. Thus, it will be troublesome if I need to ask my friend for the password every time I need to do work.

What I did was I set a long, unusual password that I will be difficult to remember or I only use once in a while. However, sometimes it backfires when I'm not strong enough to fight the urges  :'(

For phone, I don't access P from phone so I never try that app. Also, I'm not ubuntu user. However, your plans sound really good and bulletproofed man.

Lemme me know how's the progress after you apply all that and how does your friend respond to your confession.

Cheers!

Day 2

There is a good feeling when I realized that I survived 2 days.

Also, I've got good feedback from my boss regarding my work for the past 6 months. I can only imagine that the feedback will be much better if I'm totally free from PMO. So, that motivates me even more to stay away from PMO. THANK GOD for all that!

However, I found it really hard to concentrate and the fatigue is still there when I woke up this morning. Lacks of energy. I didn't expect the withdrawal symptom will come to me this fast.

Some urges and dirty thoughts came when I got back from work especially I stumbled upon P-subs pictures in social media.

That's all for now!

Cheers and stay strong guys!

Good... I'll keep you posted. You too try this plan.....

Day 3

Nothing much today. Just normal day at work and I talked to a girl that I'm chasing for about 1 hour on the phone.

Checking on withdrawal symptoms:
- Still lack of concentration --> can't focus for a long time
- P images were popping up in my head when I saw hot girls around which led to some strong urges

hello andy;
I saw your answer on my notebook and I decided to take the time to read your story; it is similar in suffering and I am happy because I found someone like me and wants to stop this mess.
I am in my 6th day and since I am a student, and you've read my story in which I unveiled a bit my personality, I find great difficulty; I never slept with a girl, even flirting, so plan to do this becomes more intense but I try to curbing those urges


I wish you good luck, I'll try to go see your news every day

Courage, do not forget, no PMO during the rest 2015

Day 4

Today I woke up with a better condition. I had a pretty long morning boner. I felt better than the previous 2 days.

Worked the whole day and was out at night for some church stuff. When I reached home I was too tired but I couldn't sleep. That's where the nightmare started. The urges were super strong. My brain keeps trying to negotiate with me by telling me.. it's okay to relapse.. 1 peek wouldn't hurt...

I opened the P but it was blocked by K9. I quickly took a bath and went straight to my bed afterwards.

Weekend is coming. I have a quite busy weekend ahead. However, i think my reward system is kicking in. It's like telling me that I have worked hard the whole week. Let's have some fun (which usually I will PMO).

So I hope I survive this weekend. Stay strong and positive guys!

Cheers!

Staying occupied is one of my biggest problems too.  Video games help unless they have attrative girls in them, then I just want to go watch porn.  I have a big family so they keep me busy but they dont know the battle I fight with porn.  I wish I could be honest with them, but I dont want the shame and disapproval.  I can imagine that living by yourself makes it a lot harder, when we feel alone we are most likely to reach for the safety blanket of porn.  Stay strong my brother, I will be praying for you.  Let me know if you need an accountability partner, we are all here to help you.  Remember this is a battle and we are all bretheren soldiers.

tyobes7 said:

hello andy;
I saw your answer on my notebook and I decided to take the time to read your story; it is similar in suffering and I am happy because I found someone like me and wants to stop this mess.
I am in my 6th day and since I am a student, and you've read my story in which I unveiled a bit my personality, I find great difficulty; I never slept with a girl, even flirting, so plan to do this becomes more intense but I try to curbing those urges


I wish you good luck, I'll try to go see your news every day

Courage, do not forget, no PMO during the rest 2015

Click to expand...

Thanks alot tyobes7!

I will try to post everyday here. Same here. I never sleep with a girl so it's kinda harder for me to resist the urges since PMO is the only way to relief. However, I gotta stay strong and find thousands other things to distract my mind!

AgnitioSano said:

Staying occupied is one of my biggest problems too.  Video games help unless they have attrative girls in them, then I just want to go watch porn.  I have a big family so they keep me busy but they dont know the battle I fight with porn.  I wish I could be honest with them, but I dont want the shame and disapproval.  I can imagine that living by yourself makes it a lot harder, when we feel alone we are most likely to reach for the safety blanket of porn.  Stay strong my brother, I will be praying for you.  Let me know if you need an accountability partner, we are all here to help you.  Remember this is a battle and we are all bretheren soldiers.

Click to expand...

Hi AgnitioSano!

Yeah I know. I think I went through that before. Played a game to distract myself but end up watching porn. Oh, same here! I'm ashamed to tell anyone around me including my family. Yes, living alone is a real challenge but I gotta start somewhere right? hehe.

Thanks for the prayer! I will pray for you as well. We are in this together and let's fight it!

Blessings!