supernova123
Member
Before I begin, I must admit that I knew my frequency of watching porn was going to lead to something terrible. It wasn't until I couldn't keep an erection and close the deal for maybe the 4th or 5th time with a woman that I decided enough was enough.
I started watching porn at age 15 and have been hooked ever since. But recently (in the last 2/3 years), I found myself spending hours on end daily just searching for the right video to masturbate to. I would do it twice a day and sometimes was even the first thing I checked every morning before Facebook or the news. I would stay up until 3/4am in the mornings and be dead tired for work the next day just for the pleasures. Simply put, it was eating away at my life. I couldn't find any interest in human interaction anymore (and I'm not only talking about sexual contact). Honestly I couldn't last 30 seconds in a conversation with a woman without portraying her in a hot porn video I watched the night before. The sad part was that I really enjoyed thinking about them this way, especially coworkers. I loved to think that "okay I will get this report to you as soon as possible, but I know later tonight someone is going to **** you doggystyle and j*zz on your face so joke's on you!". It is terrible because I 100% thought I supported feminism and empowering women with my actions, but my dark fantasies /porn tendencies are the exact opposite. I really had no excitement in life anymore besides porn... I started drifting at work to the point where I am not being productive at all. And I only go out to meet women in the hopes that I can recreate those scenes I've seen so many times before in porn. Dating has become so stale for me that I only tolerate the dinner and 'getting to know you' part just so we can get to the physical part. And even if/when that happens, I can't keep an erection long enough to have sex.
About a year ago I met and went out with this incredible woman. I am pretty sure I loved her, but I lost her because I couldn't 'rise to the occasion' in bed. It wasn't just that - it was because I was too embarrassed to tell her about my problem. I kept blaming it on whiskey dick, or being nervous, but after a few more times she knew that was bullshit. I still regret it so much that I couldn't open up to her and face my problems sooner. I recently checked her FB page and saw some pictures of her and her new bf spending Christmas together. It makes me sad, but I'm trying to use this example for whenever I am about to have a relapse...
Earlier this year I decided to take Viagra and eventually lost my virginity to some random girl I went on 2 dates with (I'm 26). I don't even talk to her anymore and she had no idea that was my first time. Now, I have this thinking that I am only able to have sex when I bring the blue pill around. It is not a good feeling at all.
So here I am. I finally decided to google the problem I suspected I had and I am so glad I found such a supportive network of people with success stories. I guess I just need somewhere to leave my thoughts and hopefully progress since I don't really have anyone to talk to about this sensitive subject...
It's only been three days since I haven't jerked off and I feel really good that this is a first step in a long journey that would make my life so much better.
Happy new years everyone and will check back in later!
I started watching porn at age 15 and have been hooked ever since. But recently (in the last 2/3 years), I found myself spending hours on end daily just searching for the right video to masturbate to. I would do it twice a day and sometimes was even the first thing I checked every morning before Facebook or the news. I would stay up until 3/4am in the mornings and be dead tired for work the next day just for the pleasures. Simply put, it was eating away at my life. I couldn't find any interest in human interaction anymore (and I'm not only talking about sexual contact). Honestly I couldn't last 30 seconds in a conversation with a woman without portraying her in a hot porn video I watched the night before. The sad part was that I really enjoyed thinking about them this way, especially coworkers. I loved to think that "okay I will get this report to you as soon as possible, but I know later tonight someone is going to **** you doggystyle and j*zz on your face so joke's on you!". It is terrible because I 100% thought I supported feminism and empowering women with my actions, but my dark fantasies /porn tendencies are the exact opposite. I really had no excitement in life anymore besides porn... I started drifting at work to the point where I am not being productive at all. And I only go out to meet women in the hopes that I can recreate those scenes I've seen so many times before in porn. Dating has become so stale for me that I only tolerate the dinner and 'getting to know you' part just so we can get to the physical part. And even if/when that happens, I can't keep an erection long enough to have sex.
About a year ago I met and went out with this incredible woman. I am pretty sure I loved her, but I lost her because I couldn't 'rise to the occasion' in bed. It wasn't just that - it was because I was too embarrassed to tell her about my problem. I kept blaming it on whiskey dick, or being nervous, but after a few more times she knew that was bullshit. I still regret it so much that I couldn't open up to her and face my problems sooner. I recently checked her FB page and saw some pictures of her and her new bf spending Christmas together. It makes me sad, but I'm trying to use this example for whenever I am about to have a relapse...
Earlier this year I decided to take Viagra and eventually lost my virginity to some random girl I went on 2 dates with (I'm 26). I don't even talk to her anymore and she had no idea that was my first time. Now, I have this thinking that I am only able to have sex when I bring the blue pill around. It is not a good feeling at all.
So here I am. I finally decided to google the problem I suspected I had and I am so glad I found such a supportive network of people with success stories. I guess I just need somewhere to leave my thoughts and hopefully progress since I don't really have anyone to talk to about this sensitive subject...
It's only been three days since I haven't jerked off and I feel really good that this is a first step in a long journey that would make my life so much better.
Happy new years everyone and will check back in later!