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67reboot

Member
You are lucky to have such a supportive wife in this. Read my Journal to see what can happen if you DONT get a handle on this ... I was caught in the act and now facing a divorce and I have to tell my 9 year old boy on Saturday why mummy and daddy not live together anymore.

Rebooting is hard ... but what makes it real easy is the the wife and kids moving out and wallowing in self despair ... becomes easy then trust me.

For the love of your kids every time you feel the urge come in here and blog instead, take up a physical pass time ANYTHING but porn and wanking please ... my marriage is doomed please please don't wreck yours!

Wishing you and your wife all the best in the world .. any your kids!
 

jthomas

Member
discobolus said:
My wife will sometimes wake me up from sleep to have sex

Discobolus, just catching up on your journal.  Thanks so much for sharing.  First off, on behalf of the hetero married male majority, congratulations on having such an amorous better half, ESPECIALLY with young children in the family equation :).  My children are grown and my wife has always been an amazing mother, but for nearly two decades, her focus/energy was 98% on the children day and night.  Dad was left to attend to his own nocturnal needs most of the time.  Granted my perspective is singular, but I'm guessing you're one of the blessed minority.

The PIED affliction caught up with me a few years ago and according to my Quitzilla mobile app, I'm on day 55 today with no porn.  It does get easier, your sexual power will come back and there will be other benefits as well.  I personally have experienced greater mental clarity, significantly reduced anxiety and I enjoy many other aspects of life more including improved intimate time with my wife.  I'm happier (though I still have daily cravings) and expect things to continue to improve.  Thanks again for sharing, you're on the path to healing and there's a large community of caring folks here that want you to succeed.

J. 
 

jthomas

Member
That is great you can be so open with your wife about your progress and related challenges.  The first month was the hardest for me.  I'm looking at 58 days today porn free and I'm noticing more subtle improvements in my day to day enjoyment of things. I am generally more optimistic, I enjoy food more (I eat healthy usually), and I enjoy interacting with people more.  I have a lighter spirit in general.  It's like the old normal emotional weight is ever so slowly lifting.  Quite a new feeling.

I feel your pain about the sleep challenges with young ones.  My wife spent years just getting ours to bed and getting them to stay in bed.  I (still) have a long work commute to another city each day so she handled the night shift all those years so I could stay awake on the highway each day.  Hang in there, you're doing great and the sleep situation will get easier too eventually. 

J.
 

uncreatedlight

Active Member
discobolus said:
My wife is very supportive though. I got really flustered and wanted to come and ending up masturbating with her next to me. No porn and no fantasy but it probably set me back as I?m just conditioning myself to come via my own hand.

IMO, this is ok.  You've freaked yourself the fuck out and are going to be ruminating and anxious, which will prevent an erection.  Regular, low-pressure sexual interactions with a real-life partner are going to stimulate your parasympathetic system and allow you to go with the flow.
 

bob

Respected Member
discobolus said:
In the past when I?ve relapsed its always started with a few days of that sort of thing.

Agreed. It is the same for me. The start of the downhill slide.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Sounds like you are doing well!  Go to this site below.  It has a lot of information for both husband and wife. 

http://markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com
 

bob

Respected Member
discobolus said:
I?ve got a great woman but right now I feel like a terrible man, husband, father, and lover.

I think dwelling on shame and self loathing is fuel to the porn fire. We need to think of ourselves in a positive light and try to move forward. "I am a positive and caring individual who loves there wife and is succeeding in a life without porn.

Easier said that done but necessary for a smooth recovery.

Peace
 

uncreatedlight

Active Member
discobolus said:
but I?ve always felt like she was crazy about me and wanted to have sex with me other than a few isolated periods in our marriage that we worked through.

This is such an amazing gift to contemplate on Thanksgiving.  I've always had these same feelings like my wife sort of settled for me and tolerated sex at best.  It is lonely and shatters one's self-esteem.

Love yourself as you work through these problems.  Sometimes our bodies have minds of their own.
 

bob

Respected Member
discobolus said:
My wife keeps commenting about how my discipline is hot, so I can?t mess up now.
You are correct. It?s a wonderful reason to stay on task.

Peace
 

uncreatedlight

Active Member
No orgasm is doable although it sounds impossible, and you can always cuddle with your wife or get her off in other ways.

I know how it feels to be crazy about someone who doesn't reciprocate.  I wish I knew the answer.  Backing off the pursuit seems to be the best strategy.

Young children put an enormous strain on a relationship.  Those first few years have coincided with some of my worst marital crises.  If y'all can ride it out for a while, you will be able to return life as normal adults eventually.  I know how frustrating it is. 
 

uncreatedlight

Active Member
Congrats.  Great news!  40 days is a big accomplishment.  I suffer from anxiety too.  I'd like to take CBD regularly, but it isn't cheap!
 

Rex

Active Member
discobolus said:
39 day no porn, zero days hard mode, 2 days no cheating on my diet

I?m really struggling today. I just want to watch some porn and if not some porn I want to start surfing the news websites for click bait articles with sexy pictures. I also want to cheat on my diet. Just a little bit of sugar filled junk out of the vending machines. I even masturbated today just to take the edge off but I think it made things worse. No porn and no fantasy but still was a bad idea. I probably need to really embrace the hard mode thing for a while. I think my wife is just happy with the vast improvement in my PIED and just wants to go back to our normal frequency.

Congrats on staying away from the porn for 40 days.  I have found in the past that stopping the porn but continuing to masturbate and orgasm always leads back to porn.  Keep up the battle and remember that no matter how bad the urges get they will pass.  You are on a good 40 day run free from porn, keep looking to the future, let go of the past.

I'll pray for you.  Keep fighting you can do it...

 

bob

Respected Member
discobolus
discobolus said:
Sex Island where for $4500 you are assigned 2 hookers for a 5 day vacation and anything goes.

Who thinks up this stuff...

Well it does work. We click on it. I have. You did. And, so do the bulk of us here on RN. At lease many of us are all tempted. And it does make the site money, lots of money...

But, what if we changed our tune. What if we laughed at the site, at the author, at the thought that we were going to get sucked into that crap. After all, its all based on emotion. Maybe it's our emotional reaction that is the problem. Maybe emotion it's the emotion that doesn't provide the strength to change. And what is that emotion. Is it fear that drives us to stay away? Maybe shame? If we click have we failed?

I hear so much about willpower and strength to stay away from this stuff. Based on the research of the brain, willpower is exceptionally flawed at changing behavior.

Maybe we need to laugh.


 

Detente

Active Member
discobolus said:
52 days no porn, 1 day no orgasm, 1 day of following diet

Finally got back in the gym today and had a great workout. I stuck to my diet plan as well.

I had sex Saturday and Sunday night and it was quite enjoyable. She?s ovulating so I pulled out and did my thing and it never got soft. I felt like I could just keep going. I was able to come again a second time in a matter of minutes. I?m trying to keep that as non-graphic as possible due to the nature of this board. I?ve never had that happen that I can recall.

Congratulations, man. That's fantastic. Maybe you have a future in the porn industry, ha. Wouldn't that be ironic...
 

Pcpowder

Member
It can be a slippery slope for sure.  I am only 9 days with no P, no PMO, and no MO. Staying away from P hasn't been that hard, no MO has been tougher, but i'm sure i'll have my moments. 

As I have mentioned in my journal I think I have related to your journal a lot more than others.  You are much further down the road than I and hope you don't mind if I ask some questions.  Are you still using ED meds to have successful sex with your wife?  I am every time as I don't think I could face the frustration and embarrassment at this point.  If you aren't taking them and having successful penetrative sex, then congratulations!  if you are taking them what's your plan for eventually weaning yourself off them?

I feel your pain about feeling so inadequate as a man, husband, and lover because of PIED and to pour salt on the wound we did it to ourselves.  I think this feeling of inadequacy has carried through to my friendships with my buddies, career and general well-being.  I think I am starting to feel a glimmer of things changing in a couple of general interactions with people, I have found myself saying to myself something like "hey you have been PMO free for 9 days, you're becoming a man" and then stand up a little taller...LOL 
 

Pcpowder

Member
Thanks for responding to my questions.  I used to try and not take ED meds every time and sometimes i was successful, but not often.  I was tired of the frustration, disappointed and feeling like I was a gnat of a mani now do every time.

Hopefully being 7 days on is keeping you distracted enough to stay away from the P.  That is very nice of you to take your brother, it sounds like he needs the trip. 
 

Pcpowder

Member
Hi Discobolus,

Sorry to hear you have been struggling.  I think you had your 7 days on last week, Which is a harder time to stay clean? when 7 days on? or 7 days off?  Get in here and post often, it definitely has helped me stay clean to post and read others journals.  I did worry you might have fallen off the wagon when you hadn't posted all week. 

Stay strong
 
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