I apologize for the sheer length of this post but this problem has been building for a long time and I have a lot to say. I wanna start by saying how relieved I was to find this site and YBOP because it made me realize that I'm not alone in this situation and that I'm not crazy or letting sex dictate my entire relationship, as my porn-addicted boyfriend has said. I'm also relieved that these problems can be dealt with and that things can go back to the way they used to be if we commit ourselves.
Let me start by saying that our relationship started off with us saying we would just be friends with benefits. The sex was amazing and we couldn't get enough of each other, and we pretty quickly admitted that it was about so much more than sex. We're two years in together now, and I just moved in with him. We love each other so much; that has never been the problem, and that's also why this issue has become so painful for both of us.
In the beginning, and really the whole first year we were together, the sex was some of the best I've ever had. And I'm older than he is and more experienced. I lost my virginity at 16 and have had a good amount of experience since then, we'll put it that way. I'm not a slut or anything, I just have a very healthy sexual appetite. He lost his virginity at 22, and I'm the third girl he's ever been with. Something about the two of us together though is just electric, and we were at it multiple times a day, every day for a good while. I know that phase of infatuation was bound to fade out slowly and that we wouldn't be all over each other 24/7 forever, but I had faith that because of our undeniable chemistry, we would never have a problem in that department.
Even when the sex became slightly less frequent, we would still have these incredible marathon sessions from time to time that would blow both our minds, and I always had multiple orgasms. He told me he's felt more free sexually with me than with anyone else, because I'm pretty openminded and will try anything once in most cases. So I was surprised and a little concerned when the frequency became less again. Why wouldn't you want something you love all the time?
I would ask him what was going on and he'd say he just wasn't in the mood or he was tired or blah blah, which I know happens, but I don't think I had ever been on the receiving end of it. There were even a couple times I tried to surprise him by shaving everything and wearing something special and he'd say he wasn't expecting that and wasn't in that mindset and turn me down when I was throwing myself at him. My previous boyfriend let himself go pretty bad and I found myself making excuses like that all the time because I wasn't as attracted to him anymore, so you can understand where my mind naturally went when I heard that from him. I wondered if I'd started to let myself go, if I wasn't as exciting anymore because now he knows the real me and all my walls have been broken down. Maybe because being together became more routine and less of something we had to plan for? I don't know. All I know is I'm deathly afraid that he's becoming complacent and that I will lose the love of my life because he got bored with me.
Around Christmas time, I told him I was thinking about downloading a certain app (I won't name it here because I don't think it's allowed) because I was entertaining the idea of starting a blog. I had also heard that a large percentage of users on this particular site utilize it for porn. I also knew hat he had the app and had checked out porn on it a couple times, so he said. So I was curious on my end. And there is a LOT of porn. A LOT. We had looked at porn together a few times (it's not really my thing, but like I said, I'll try anything once), so I showed him some of the porn I'd come across. Then I told him I wanted to see what HE was looking at, and he wouldn't show me. He got really defensive and when I told him it wasn't fair, he sat me down and revealed to me that he used his account more than a few times.
In fact, he confessed that he has an account with hundreds of followers, where they all exchange porn pics and videos and gifs and like everything you can imagine under the sun. And not only was he taking in mass amounts of porn as our sex life had slowly become even less frequent, but he was into some... "Different Stuff." I say it that way because I'm not trying to offend anyone who is into that. I'm really not. I'm still just trying to wrap my head around it. I'm a girl who's been in mostly serious relationships, so I'm well aware that dudes look at porn. Relatively often. I know some guys stop when they have girlfriends, I know some don't. And that's ok. I really don't care. I've looked at it from time to time myself. But this stuff is at the other end of the spectrum. Hentai, futanari, girls with giant horse co**s, t-girls, etc. The other aspect of this that I find interesting is that it's this ego boost he gets from "providing" his followers with material to get their rocks off. Like he seems to get off to the idea of randoms everywhere are blowing their loads because of what he has "given them." Weird, but not entirely far off, is it??
He was honest about it with me, when he had his back against the wall when I wanted to see what he was looking at, but was THIS really the reason I wasn't getting laid as much? I shaved my legs (and other things) to compete with THIS?? Despite being shocked and a little hurt by this, I was glad he was upfront with me (sort of) and tried to roll with it. I decided to use my account to focus on porn, just to experiment. We even told ourselves we'd learn exciting new things to try on one another, and why not? I thought, maybe this could be our solution, maybe we just needed to mix it up.
So I started looking at porn. On the regular. And it's not all bad. My bf and I even linked our profiles so people could follow is both and see what we were both into. I would post about him sometimes, and comment on porn (normal stuff) he posted and repost some if it. He still posted a lot of less conventional porn, like gang banging futas mashed up with cartoon bukkake and girls being just drenched in what seemed like bucket loads of cum. Yeah, it made me uncomfortable, but I can't control his mind or what he's into so I tried to just go with the flow. We went to a sex shop and got all kinds of new toys and such, because why not? These things can be awesome!
Then one day, he showed me a message one of his followers had sent him. It was disgusting, full of depraved stuff I won't even try to remember. I wish I could un-see it. And he asked me what he should do. I know he was trying to be honest again, but who knows if it was a response to something he said... He claimed it was out of the blue, but I'll never know because I feel like he told me a lot of half truths during this particular time. I later received a message, showed him and deleted it. I didn't need to ask him what to do. I was very clear on my main page that I didn't want people sending me nasty messages unless they were my bf, not that he ever did. So I brushed that off, despite being hurt again, and tried to continue with our new "hobby" as usual. But I started to notice something: he started to cum sooner. And I mean, much sooner.
I remember particularly, one time I was left with a, um, plug in a certain area, and he had tried one too and blew it almost immediately. Back in our heyday, he would have rallied quickly and finished me off without an issue, but he couldn't get hard again even after giving it a break. He didn't even finish me off manually or with another toy, which we had. I think he felt embarrassed so he just gave up. Feeling humiliated, and worked up with no orgasm, I removed the plug and went to sleep with blue tubes.
A few weeks later, I saw a post he put up that said, "Reblog if you want naked pics sent to your inbox." This is what really hurt me. WHY, when you have the entire internet with nudity and anonymity everywhere, would you invite people to send you the exact same thing you're looking at ALL THE TIME?? Devastated, I felt I should break up with him. That I couldn't trust him, that he clearly doesn't need this relationship because he's seeking these interactions out online. He apologized, removed the post and even removed the app from his phone, which I told him wasn't necessary because I knew he'd look it up anyway and that he still has his account. He told me he didn't want to look at the things he was looking at anymore and wanted things to get better. He promised he would work hard to make things right.
A few weeks passed, I would look at his account through mine from time to time and he still hasn't posted anything, but we've still been having issues sexually. He's not into it when I am, or when he is, it's over so quickly I barely have time to get into it. I feel like a receptacle sometimes. I feel like less of a woman. I'm very hurt by all of it and I can't believe this is happening to us.
Last night, after a great day, we were getting ready for bed and he turned his phone on. It immediately went to a screen with hentai/futas of like shark women with ***ks. It is so upsetting to me that he can't look to the living, breathing, very willing, and attractive HUMAN BEING next to him who loves him to satisfy his sexual desire. I'm a really nice girl. And he's a wonderful guy. I want to turn this around so badly.
Please give me some perspective. Guys, girls, anyone who has wisdom to contribute, please do. I feel so sad and confused, and disrespected. HELP!! :'(
