I'm terrified to ask

It has been sometime since I've been on. I think my husbands porn use has reduced significantly but what I want or NEED advice about is my husbands sexuality. I think he might be bisexual. He went on a work trip with a colleague and when he came back told me this colleague came out to him. The industry they work in isnt as progressive as some so it was a big deal. My husband has two gay sibling who I adore and that may be why he was comfortable coming out to him. What bothers me is a text I found from the colleague that he said came out to him, both were joking about being straight.

Colleague: I'm straight AF
Husband: Im straight edge AF
Husband: meaning I'm straight as the edge of a narrow body of water.

I'm confused by his text back and the colleague has always been so friendly with me but on the last two occasions I saw him he avoided me and seemed uncomfortable. Am I thinking too far into this? Or is the edge of a narrow body of water not straight at all?

You can ask him if he's bisexual but in reality you face the same dilemma as everyone else when asking another person a question. You can never know if the answer is the truth.

Porn use does very strange things to a mans mind after some years. Before starting my reboot four months ago I was having HOCD issues. I wanted to be the submissive, receptive partner. After one month without porn all those ideas of engaging in homosexual activities has almost gone and now I'm in disbelief that I even contemplated I was bisexual. Your husband could be experiencing the same porn induced confusion.

I think it's important for you to have some clarity on this. Regardless of whether your husband was having extramarital liaisons a woman or a man there is always the issue of sexually transmitted disease. It's the one thing that I think most men fail to understand when they are being unfaithful. The emotional pain of an unfaithful partner may diminish significantly over time, but some sexually transmitted diseases are for life.

Does you husband use this forum? I suppose you need to ask him about the texts. If he's having doubt about his sexuality then he should read up on how porn can make users seek out genres which don't match their innate sexuality which in turn can lead to seeking sexual encounters with members of the same sex. The are several stories I've read on this forum of men who have gone so far as to have homosexual encounters which they now understand was driven by their porn use and they regret.

I hope you find the answers you need. Good luck.

I would agree with mousemat1. Communication is the best policy, always. Marriage needs both parties to be communicating. Trust is built when communication and actions line up for an extended period of time. In order for that equation to occur you need communication. My husband also had at one time in our marriage wrestled with weather he was bisexual. It was hard but at the end of the day weather porn induced or not he still chose me. We are still here, working on things. I would just ask him about it, tell him how you feel, and start a dialog about things. I think it is great that his co-worker have someone to come out to and that he feels comfortable. I can see how all of this can be super triggering and upsetting. Being the partner to a porn addict if hard on your heart in so many unexpected ways. Where is he in his recovery? You mention he is viewing less. Honestly until he completely stops the influence will still be there. Have you guys considered trying a hardmode reboot? Either way, I am sorry for your hurt. It is not easy, I understand that completely. Praying for communication, and peace for you two!

That is a strange text. I don't get how you feel he is bisexual from that text. You should definitely ask him if you feel something is off, would he be upset that you have read his text? Sexuality is definitely a spectrum, I think recently scientists proved that no one is one hundred percent straight. I mean I can look at a man and tell if he is handsome or not and I have met guys who are extremely charasmatic but I have never been attracted to them sexually. I agree with the others you need to start communicating with him and find out either way. He needs to be totally off the porn too, just cutting back won't work, thats like being a heroin addict but only shooting up once a week instead of every night. Eventually it will creep up to more and more and he will be at the same level that he was before. Addicts can't control their poison of choice, at least not without a lot of meditation and contemplation of one self. He needs to get to the root of his porn abuse, because like mousemat says, when he has a clear mind he will be able to think straight and answer any bisexuality questions honestly.

Couple of things:

1. Straight-edge is a concept totally different from sexuality. To be straight-edge, you have to eschew drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine (and in some cases, meat and dairy product). So maybe he was making a joke, not about his sexuality, but about his fondness for things that are slightly unhealthy? I mean, I'm not saying that he goes on business trips and puts half of Colombia up his nose, but he might have had a few drinks too many on the business trip, or something. It's a weird joke but I don't think it means he's bisexual.

2. You say that you "found" a text from his colleague. May I ask, what were the circumstances under which you found this text? Did you accidentally stumble across it or were you looking for clues to see if he'd been up to anything on his business trip? Has he given you consent to look through his phone?