mtnman6288
Member
I'm 40. I first saw Playboy when I was 5 years old. At 12, my 16 year old neighbor got his hands on some porn videos, which he showed to the other kids in the neighborhood. He and I also had a co-masturbation experience, though I was too young to climax. I never thought much of that until I was older, eventually concluding that this experience MUST be what led me to my porn addiction.
By the time I hit my mid 30s, the cycle became routine: once in the am before work with my phone; once at home at lunch, and sometimes one more at night while my wife slept upstairs.
It all seems so stupid. I've been married 16+ years, have two great kids, am an upstanding member of the church and community, yet I've lived with this secret addiction for years.
Now I'm realizing it is the high speed internet porn that got me going. This goes back to about 1997. Internet porn, all the time, for 19 years.
I also run a business, and it's very stressful. Internet porn has been a stress reducer in that I take that quick hit of dopamine in the am which helps me kick the day into gear.
I've wanted to stop for a long long time.
I googled Internet porn addiction after my last session and my eyes were finally opened to the brain science part of this. I'm on day 2 of sobriety. I know it's going to be a battle. Work is extremely stressful right now, and I can already tell that stress is my #1 trigger.
So I'm a bit nervous about how that will go.
I also have a 14 year old son who I need to have a talk with ASAP so I can warn him of the dangers. Also nervous about that.
I've distracted myself from my morning porn routine by writing this journal entry.
Looking forward to this journey.
By the time I hit my mid 30s, the cycle became routine: once in the am before work with my phone; once at home at lunch, and sometimes one more at night while my wife slept upstairs.
It all seems so stupid. I've been married 16+ years, have two great kids, am an upstanding member of the church and community, yet I've lived with this secret addiction for years.
Now I'm realizing it is the high speed internet porn that got me going. This goes back to about 1997. Internet porn, all the time, for 19 years.
I also run a business, and it's very stressful. Internet porn has been a stress reducer in that I take that quick hit of dopamine in the am which helps me kick the day into gear.
I've wanted to stop for a long long time.
I googled Internet porn addiction after my last session and my eyes were finally opened to the brain science part of this. I'm on day 2 of sobriety. I know it's going to be a battle. Work is extremely stressful right now, and I can already tell that stress is my #1 trigger.
So I'm a bit nervous about how that will go.
I also have a 14 year old son who I need to have a talk with ASAP so I can warn him of the dangers. Also nervous about that.
I've distracted myself from my morning porn routine by writing this journal entry.
Looking forward to this journey.