Author Topic: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living  (Read 1026 times)

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #25 on: January 12, 2018, 04:07:25 PM »
Cheers Loving_Mary!

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #26 on: January 12, 2018, 04:19:17 PM »
Day 10

So, I made it to day ten.  I'm feeling pretty happy with myself about this.  As I have written in the past, my longest period of PMO abstinence is between 61 - 65 days (I forget exactly), however my second is 19-days.  Quite a difference there, so I am very determined - as my next immediate goal - to pass my 'silver' medal of nineteen days from of PMO. 

To share a few observations, I have to say that the past two days have been the worst for urges.  Not so much to watch pornography, more to MO with the use of porn fantasy.  I'm also aware that my brain is attempting to play tricks on me, to coerce my person toward masturbating.  Today, this took the form of attempting to convince me that 1) just fapping once more will not do me any harm, and 2) that an orgasm would make me feel better.  We are dealing with a foul temptress here....

As ever, thanks for reading.  I hope everyone enjoys a porn free Friday.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #27 on: January 13, 2018, 04:54:27 PM »
Day 11

Feeling good today.  Throwing myself into my job has really helped me through these first days; pursuing work has helped to bring focus to the reboot process, as well as to alleviate niggling 'stresses' that I commonly have with leaving small efforts to the last minute.  Quite likely, the two are intertwined: the energy I feel, which surely must come from this process, is helping me to focus elsewhere.  I continue to be truly astounded by the immediate positive effects I am feeling, to the point that I am concerned a dramatic - almost bipolar - fall is on the horizon.  Fingers crossed it won't, yet common sense dictates that I should be ready for any eventuality.

Looking forward to tomorrow so, for now, I will wish you all goodnight and the very best in the hope that everyone on the forum has a fantastic PMO free weekend.

Sincerely,

Clown Loach.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #28 on: January 14, 2018, 02:54:16 AM »
Day 12 - Morning

Though I am happy to have reached Day 12, I also woke up a little apprehensive today.  Sunday is my 'free' day, in the sense that I don't give myself much to do.  By this I mean tasks associated with work that I am stressed over.  To combat this, I think I'll go for a walk, as I am feeling rather restless and - of most concern for someone trying to overcome a PMO addition - horny as a motherfucker (perhaps literally, now that I am in my mid-thirties - sometimes searching for a more elegant work or phraseology is not necessary).

So, these are just my thoughts for this morning.  I wish everyone a good day ahead.

cknfella

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #29 on: January 14, 2018, 04:12:30 PM »
Hey man,

How's the fight going today?  I've found my weekends are the hardest as well. I started this weekend turning my phone off for the majority of it to help eliminate some temptation.  STAY BUSY friend!

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #30 on: January 14, 2018, 11:56:31 PM »
Day 13 - Morning

Hey cknfella, thanks for your message.  Good idea with the phone.  I spent the weekend being as busy as possible.  I went into work on Saturday, whilst on Sunday I just did as many 'home chores' as I could manage. 

Though I did not relapse or anything similar, for at the moment I have no desire to either masturbate or watch pornography, what did happen is that the wave of enthusiasm I was experiencing crashed and burned in the manner of a plane falling from the sky.  Any motivation I had has gone.  I feel withdrawn, down, as if someone had placed a weight on my desk.  My mind feels as if it is perpetually in a 'just awakened state' - not quite a headache, yet a 'fuzziness' which I feel to the point of nausea.  Perhaps it's because I am an early-riser, as it's 05:40 at the time of writing in Europe,  but I hope I improve throughout the day.

On the PMO front, to repeat, nothing.  No urges, no real desire to watch anything or fap.  As I have written about previously, my longest streak in the past has been 60 - 65 days (I forget exactly) whilst my second is a little lowly in comparison at 19.  I am desperate to make 20-days, which I feel I am on my way to breaking.  I just need to get through this week.

In other areas, I am feeling a little disappointed.  Part of this no-PMO journey is that I work on becoming a true adult male.  At 34 I am very immature - I feel at least.  This has been been going rather well since the turn of the year but writing now, this morning, I feel that I am a million miles away from an adult.  I feel like a small boy, not wanting to get out of bed to go to school.

I wish you all a nice day ahead.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #31 on: January 15, 2018, 04:05:39 PM »
Day 13 - Evening

Today's earlier pessimism did not come to much.  Though I still feel somewhat 'flat', a successful day at work - in that I managed to complete and work through a majority of the tasks I set - managed to buoy me enough to end the day with a positive tone.

I have been pondering as to whether this 'dull' feeling is indeed the infamous flatline.  During my previous longest streak of 60-days, I do not feel I experienced this phenomenon.  That attempt, however, was somewhat contaminated by constant edging.  I do recall how great I felt, after 50-days or thereabouts, so it was not tainted entirely, yet I do not feel it was a fully true reboot attempt.  Currently, this dull or flat feeling does not mean a complete lack of sexual interest.  I am still noticing women, finding them attractive and similar, yet I do not feel the instant feeling of lust that once categorised my person.  I am curious to find out how this will progress over the coming week.

Galoobigboi

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #32 on: January 16, 2018, 07:16:45 AM »
Day after day my friend.Day after day.stay focused on how you feel,eliminate as much of the temptation as possible.
Stay positive,try to stay aware about how you feel,how you're changing.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #33 on: January 17, 2018, 03:03:58 PM »
Day 14

Two weeks!  This feels very good to write.

A big thanks to you Galoobigboi, for you words - 'eliminate as much temptation as possible' - jogged my mind and rang true.

To combat the above I have thrown myself into my work, in addition to also walking much more than normal.  I'm also making a stringent effort to throw myself into housework and chores, replacing PMO with these small tasks (though, when fuzed together, take up a good amount of time). 

So, I continue.....

In respect of mood, I no longer feel the 'high' I experienced last week.  It dropped off, Sunday/Monday time, and has refused to return.  This also manifests physically, chiefly in my complexion.  Whereas last week my face seemed alive, today I noticed that I was pale and sullen, with tired eyes (during the night I continue to average a 7 hr 30 minute sleep).  It's a strange journey and I only wish I understood it all better, so a more eloquent account could be offered. 

In respect of libido, attraction toward women, as well as general mood, I can accurately describe these levels as 'low'.  Though I am not impervious to a beautiful women, I am also less inclined to search out any flirtatious moments or indeed encourage any form of romantic interaction.  Similarly, I have no real care to how I am perceived by women. 

What I can write as a positive is that all of the extra energy I've been placing into work, as well as the general tasks of life-management, etc., has removed a great deal of anxiety.  I am getting things done and this makes me feel great.  So, at the moment, I am feeling the warm breeze associated with this, making the 'flatline' (for want of a better term) feel largely unimportant.

Onward to Day 20 now.  Thanks for reading!

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2018, 03:37:29 AM »
Day 18 - Overcoming Wobbles (Part 1)

The past couple of days have been the most difficult so far.  What I have learned is how quickly all elements of this struggle can unravel, winding down and down until only the threads of disaster can only be touched with one's finger tips.  One must be on constant guard, each box must be ticked, with constant alertness and assertiveness a must.

I'll start with the 'lowest' point: yesterday morning.  Mornings, just at the point of waking up, are my most vulnerable morning.  Feeling the immediate post-waking up lethargy and disorientation, my first act - not conscious - is to reach for my penis.  At the moment my brain is begging for the dopamine release that this and orgasm offers, so it is happy to share and project images from past sexual encounters (good moments, we all agree?).  I think all reading this can guess of the consequence - masturbation, or 'edging'.  A five minute hand-to-gland revisit to past special moments almost resulted in ejaculation and, consequently, another relapse.  This being just MO, for I have not looked at pornography since January 3rd.  Fortunately, I managed to pull myself back at the last moment, saving myself.  An hour or so later, when I was on public transport to work, I asked myself: "just think how terrible you would be feeling now, if you had broken this abstinence streak?"  I will remember this for the next days, weeks, and hopefully months, ahead.

I suppose, before continuing with this post, I should ask myself a further question: does my edging morning count as a relapse?  I have watched numerous no-PMO videos over the years, as well as read through plenty of forums and YBOP literature.  Opinion seems to be divided.  I, personally, AM NOT going to classify it as a 'fail'.  The chief reason is that I did not PMO, just M to past fantasy.  Yes, this is not ideal, yet I am very pleased with being carried by the wave of momentum at the moment.  If I had to readjust, back to '0', then I know myself - I would be disheartened.  I also admit that this is not rational, for I've been doing this long enough to realise that all days from PMO are cumulative in the good that they do.  For example, going PMO free for 20 days, then relapsing once, does not mean that all the benefits a person feels are erased.

So, I move on and will re-dedicate my focus.  I want this to be a much longer post, as I wish to discuss and share what other changes I have, to help with keeping my distance from PMO.  I have to go out now, however, so I will be a bit haughty and create a 'Part 1' and 'Part 2' post.  Thanks for reading, CL.

Galoobigboi

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #35 on: January 20, 2018, 04:33:26 AM »
Hey clown loach.Here's my advice.first off do not edge lol.seriously just don't.Then this:no,it wasn't relapse.
I find it wierd that many guys on this forum see relapse as a failure and reset their count each and everytime.
This must be really depressing.First,counting the days makes you obsess about porn even more I think.
Then let's say you relapse?then what?you know that you want to rid yourself off porn.
So get back in the saddle straight away.Watch out for that chaser effect and just keep on trucking.
The best obviously is to not relapse,  but the true goal is to set yourself free.Simple as that.That is the goal,not obsessing about relapse or edging.
See you coud've seen what you did as a failure.It wasn't,because it taught you a valuable lesson it seems.
You know when you're most vulnerable now as well.
What I discovered in this journey is that the best stuff you learn is actually about yourself.
So yeah,you just learned an important lesson.Not a failure...a lesson.Focus on it's feedback.This is how you start modifying those pathways.
Not on obsessing about porn or days,but by focusing on the new things you learn about yourself.The good and the bad.Embrace it.You're re-connecting with your inner self,and that is good ,even though it can be real painfull at times.This is a journey,not and objective.Listen to your spirit,and keep on trucking.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #36 on: January 20, 2018, 07:18:18 PM »
Day 18 - Overcoming Wobbles - Part 2

Thanks again for your response, Galoobigboi.  Sound advice, plus it's good to know that there is such a supportive community on here.  I think you are exactly right: we must learn from our experiences, mistakes and all.

My earlier post today detailed my recent urges and difficulties.  Continuing the trend, today has been an odd one.  I continue to feel lethargic, in addition to having a complete inability to focus.  Brain fog, whatever you want to label it - I have it.  Who knows if it's NoFap related or not?

What I need to solve, tomorrow, is the organisation in my life.   I've learned that I am much happier when I am organised, both in respect of my daily routine, my home, as well as working/personal life.  This week my order fell apart, which I do feel contributed to my having increased urges to masturbate and watch pornography.  This is what I need to do, to retain my focus (I no it might seem odd, yet it really helps me with this process):

- Always make my bed in the morning and weigh myself on my scales
- Make sure my flat is neat and tidy (do not allow dishes and plates for washing to build up)
- Particularly make sure my bedroom/sleeping space is always neat (no throwing clothes on the floor, etc).
- Monitor food intake via myfitnesspal
- Keep track of money expenditure
- Stick and focus to my work routine - awake at 05:00, to be in work for 07:00.
- Do not drink alcohol at home (continue to cut back)
- Eat more vegetables
- Stick to crossing off my daily calendar (it's symbolic and really helps me)
- Ensure I complete work tasks and act like an adult male at all times
- Moisturise skin before going to bed

And a few more things.  This orderliness really helps me.  I have also found that helping people really gives me energy and strength, so next week I have a few things lined up in regard to this.

Thanks for reading!  It's late for me, and I woke up at around 01:00, after allowing myself to fall asleep at 21:00.  I hope this does not affect me sleep too much.  CL.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #37 on: January 20, 2018, 07:30:35 PM »
P.S.  A final word tonight, to mention a physical observation.

As is typical, I have noticed that my penis appears fuller and longer, less shrivelled and 'limp'.  However, I've noticed too - for the first time, in the midst of this process - that my testicles are tighter and higher.  Almost contracted, whilst the skin of my scrotum is hanging low.  A little odd, but I share it nonetheless.  Would love to hear from others if this has ever happened to them. 

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2018, 03:19:40 AM »
Day 19 - Morning

Struggling to fall asleep in the middle of the night, I enjoying reading this material in the dark hours of the early morning:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/physiological-benefits-reported-men-eliminating-pmo

It's great, knowing that there is a resource of information available.  This morning I will search for one matter in particular: dreams.  Without putting it elegantly, I am having some frigging crazy dreams.

Other than this, I am feeling pretty good this morning.  Quite energised, no brain fog, a little more motivated than normal....  I'll try and make the most of the day.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2018, 02:53:23 PM »
Day 19 - Evening

After the morning, I fell into a bit of a slump.  I realised that I am quite depressed because, after the initial wave of feeling fantastic, I went back to feeling normal.  By this I mean I am feeling exactly as I was on PMO, as opposed to being 19-days clean.  I know, I know, I'm expecting too much, plus 19-days is not so long a time.....   I'll head over to YBOP now, to see what different articles there are on the flatline, as I think I'd like to learn of the myriad of differences that we all feel.

As I've previously spoken, I've been attempting this journey for a while.  In this time, I have always gone back to read the following journal (from NoFap.com).  I have no idea of whatever happened to this guy, yet I truly hope he is OK.  What I like about this journal is its honesty, humour and accuracy when it comes to detailing the ups-and-downs of our task.  Everyone who happens to read this post, I encourage you to take a look.  Let me know what you think (link below).  Sincerely, CL.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/fappington-t-smythe-journal.840/

Loving_Mary

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2018, 03:54:01 PM »
Day 19 - Evening

After the morning, I fell into a bit of a slump.  I realised that I am quite depressed because, after the initial wave of feeling fantastic, I went back to feeling normal.  By this I mean I am feeling exactly as I was on PMO, as opposed to being 19-days clean.  I know, I know, I'm expecting too much, plus 19-days is not so long a time.....   I'll head over to YBOP now, to see what different articles there are on the flatline, as I think I'd like to learn of the myriad of differences that we all feel.

As I've previously spoken, I've been attempting this journey for a while.  In this time, I have always gone back to read the following journal (from NoFap.com).  I have no idea of whatever happened to this guy, yet I truly hope he is OK.  What I like about this journal is its honesty, humour and accuracy when it comes to detailing the ups-and-downs of our task.  Everyone who happens to read this post, I encourage you to take a look.  Let me know what you think (link below).  Sincerely, CL.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/fappington-t-smythe-journal.840/

Hi. Congratulations for your day 19. Yeah energy commes and goes. Sometimes it happens that you feel really good and then in a few hours or days you feel bad. But there's always light at the end of the tunnel. And no matter how you feel, abstinence will help you for sure. Cheers
Peace :)

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #41 on: January 21, 2018, 11:29:44 PM »
Cheers Loving_Mary, good words!  It's all about recognising that, in the long term, even the bad days/times are important and necessary.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #42 on: January 22, 2018, 03:14:09 PM »
Day 20

Well here I am, at Day 20.  I am very happy for this, as now I have just entered my second longest streak and period of time without PMO. 

Day 20 continue the trend of the past week.  A mixture of an elated feeling, followed by a crashing drop.  The day started off fine, as I was very happy, yet I let a small incident at work get to me and from there I had a severe crash.  Before arriving home, I stopped at a restaurant and ordered a meal with beer (two large, one small).  I know PMO is my biggest challenge and most important goal, yet I am trying to improve myself in more than one area.  At 34, I feel I don't have much time to waste. 

So, not much to report.  Just the highs and lows again.  I don't know if these are due to no-PMO, or whether I am always like this and no-PMO just highlights it all (as I am deliberated maying more attention to me feelings and emotions).  Oh well, I continue......  Cheers, CL.

Loving_Mary

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #43 on: January 22, 2018, 05:21:52 PM »
Day 20

Well here I am, at Day 20.  I am very happy for this, as now I have just entered my second longest streak and period of time without PMO. 

Day 20 continue the trend of the past week.  A mixture of an elated feeling, followed by a crashing drop.  The day started off fine, as I was very happy, yet I let a small incident at work get to me and from there I had a severe crash.  Before arriving home, I stopped at a restaurant and ordered a meal with beer (two large, one small).  I know PMO is my biggest challenge and most important goal, yet I am trying to improve myself in more than one area.  At 34, I feel I don't have much time to waste. 

So, not much to report.  Just the highs and lows again.  I don't know if these are due to no-PMO, or whether I am always like this and no-PMO just highlights it all (as I am deliberated maying more attention to me feelings and emotions).  Oh well, I continue......  Cheers, CL.

Hi CL I've noticed that alcohol doesn't help me at all with the no fap challenge. I think that the reason is because alcohol is a depressive substance: first it gives you a high and then it places you in a lower place than at first; just like porn does. 

I'm not a heavy drinker but I've had several relapses after drinking a few beers, both during the high and also the day after which makes me feel low.
Peace :)

El Goodo

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #44 on: January 22, 2018, 11:39:35 PM »
Congratulations on 20 days! It's always amazing to me when I've put together a chunk of time and realize that I can positively rate it against other streaks.

Just feeling the feelings is the hardest thing. It's such a challenge to feel sad (or anxious, or angry, or whatever) without being sad.

Also good for you for taking care of the immediate physical needs. I'm someone who definitely doesn't eat when I'm hungry or rest when I'm tired or drinks enough water and then finds myself angry, restless, and irritable and needing to use to escape it. I also understand the experience of wanting to take on multiple problematic issues at the same time, but I agree, first things first, and if PMO is the thing you're identifying as the problem, than focus your energy on that for now.

Thanks for the positive example you're setting!

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #45 on: January 23, 2018, 03:38:21 PM »
Day 21

Firstly, thanks so much for your cool response El Goodo.  It feels great to know that there is such a supportive group of people out there.  Writing, replying, and getting to know other people on this forum, really is a highlight of this experience.  Anyone else out there, who feels like getting in touch, please do so.

Well, I am on Day 21.  At the moment I am taking each day as a success.  It's been 3 years since I have gone this long without PMO, so I am pretty thrilled about this.

However......

In every other respect, I am not doing fantastically well.  I am gripped by a numb feeling, as if I am incapable of experiencing joy and sadness.  What is left after this? - Is it purgatory?  On the positive side, if this is purgatory, I suppose the positive is that I currently feel zero interest in PMO.  That feeling, when you arrive home from work, or get in after an evening out, and you immediately head straight to your computer for a pornography session - this is gone.  Temptations to 'peak' have subsided, and - something I am thrilled about - I am 'playing' with my penis less (by this I mean the automatic reaching for one's johnson, to just whirl it around, like a small boy, when one is bored, etc.).  So...  I am happy to continue like this.

The downside, as eluded to above, is that I am not feeling great in respect of mood.  To cite one or two examples... At work, the smallest little incident can send me into a fret and a feeling of worthlessness.  I am grumpy, unmotivated in all tasks other than no-PMO, and I don't think I am pretty nice person to be around at the moment (I am 'less caring', which is not a nice statement to make, especially when one is a teacher).  By nature, I am a true introvert (an INFJ on the Jungian scale), however this is something different...

Yet, to combat the above pessimism...

I need this!  I am quite confident that, in my devoting so much energy to overcoming this addiction, the person at the end of the struggle will be a better one.  One side of this journey I am struggling with is the selfish and narcissistic element: focussing so much on one's self, writing so much about one's self...  Normally, I don't think this is healthy.  However, I see these posts as a conversation.  I probably spend more time reading the posts of others, as opposed to writing here.  I will try to write and comment in the journals of others more, as I really appreciate the comments that are made here. 

Well, it's late in Central Europe - I will bid you all good luck.  Thanks for reading!  CL.

Loving_Mary

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #46 on: January 23, 2018, 05:45:38 PM »
Day 21

Firstly, thanks so much for your cool response El Goodo.  It feels great to know that there is such a supportive group of people out there.  Writing, replying, and getting to know other people on this forum, really is a highlight of this experience.  Anyone else out there, who feels like getting in touch, please do so.

Well, I am on Day 21.  At the moment I am taking each day as a success.  It's been 3 years since I have gone this long without PMO, so I am pretty thrilled about this.

However......

In every other respect, I am not doing fantastically well.  I am gripped by a numb feeling, as if I am incapable of experiencing joy and sadness.  What is left after this? - Is it purgatory?  On the positive side, if this is purgatory, I suppose the positive is that I currently feel zero interest in PMO.  That feeling, when you arrive home from work, or get in after an evening out, and you immediately head straight to your computer for a pornography session - this is gone.  Temptations to 'peak' have subsided, and - something I am thrilled about - I am 'playing' with my penis less (by this I mean the automatic reaching for one's johnson, to just whirl it around, like a small boy, when one is bored, etc.).  So...  I am happy to continue like this.

The downside, as eluded to above, is that I am not feeling great in respect of mood.  To cite one or two examples... At work, the smallest little incident can send me into a fret and a feeling of worthlessness.  I am grumpy, unmotivated in all tasks other than no-PMO, and I don't think I am pretty nice person to be around at the moment (I am 'less caring', which is not a nice statement to make, especially when one is a teacher).  By nature, I am a true introvert (an INFJ on the Jungian scale), however this is something different...

Yet, to combat the above pessimism...

I need this!  I am quite confident that, in my devoting so much energy to overcoming this addiction, the person at the end of the struggle will be a better one.  One side of this journey I am struggling with is the selfish and narcissistic element: focussing so much on one's self, writing so much about one's self...  Normally, I don't think this is healthy.  However, I see these posts as a conversation.  I probably spend more time reading the posts of others, as opposed to writing here.  I will try to write and comment in the journals of others more, as I really appreciate the comments that are made here. 

Well, it's late in Central Europe - I will bid you all good luck.  Thanks for reading!  CL.

Hi CL, congratulations on your 21 days ;) No worries, wou're in the mental flat line. Stay firm in abstinence and it will eventually go away. Cheers
Peace :)

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2018, 11:40:47 PM »
Day 23

I reported nothing for yesterday, as general my mood, emotions, urges, have all been at a pretty consistent - dare I say boring - level.

This morning is a touch different.  One of my main 'foibles' certainly surrounds sleep, or rather obsessing about sleep.  Last year I put down quite a large amount of dosh for a Withings sleep tracker - the accuracy of it is astounding.  Currently, I am averaging 7 hours per night, which leaves me content and happy.  Fortunately, this no-PMO process seems not to have affected my sleep.  However, last night's sleep cycle was revealing.  The sleep monitor shows that I had an above normal period of REM sleep.  And boy, don't I remember the dreams.  Let's just say, as I don't want to offer any triggers, that they reached a Caligulan level of filth and depravity.  A particular vice of mine, or fantasy, has always been centred around escort pornography, so this featured heavily.  I woke up with a 50% strong erection, which is nothing special, yet what is not normal is that it stayed this way for about 30-minutes, and would not go down!  A result of no manual assistance from me, I should add.

Well, it feels quite odd, starting the day with a discussion of my morning erections, however I suppose we have to approach this process with a good degree of humour.  Have a nice day everyone, and cheers once more to Loving_Mary for his comments and insight.

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #48 on: January 26, 2018, 03:54:55 AM »
Day 25 - A Little Over a Quarter of the Way

I write this from my laptop, during a brief and free moment at work.

Today, I feel as if I am not awake, yet I am functioning.  I awoke with a severe need to PMO, the greatest urge sensation thus far.  Even typing here, that is the abbreviation 'PMO', sends a pulse through me, owing to its link to pornography use. 

I suppose this is what 'brain fog' is, yet I've never experienced it like this.  I don't have time to ponder, as Fridays are busy for me, yet I felt the need to simply share this with the cosmos.  I am functioning, doing my work, communicating with colleagues, etc., yet it seems like I am wearing a very heavy turban, weighed down by a few kilos of forgotten memories.

Very strange!  I want to blame lack of sleep, yet I have been sleeping as normal, achieving 6 - 8 hours per night.

Thanks for reading.  The day continues......

Clown Loach

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Re: Pursuit of a Hygienic Living
« Reply #49 on: January 28, 2018, 04:09:50 AM »
Day 25/26/27

OK, so I made a small error in my previous post (it was actually Day 24).  Now, at the time of writing, it's the start of Day 27.

Day 27... almost 30!  This may seem a little enthusiastic to everyone, however this is due to a certain amount of relief on my part.  Day 24, 25, 26, have been the most horrible for me.  Low mood to the point of complete withdrawn depression, physical pain (my testicles were aching), no doubt an inflamed prostate (some fluid leaked when I used the bathroom - quite normal, so I'm not worried), penis turned an iridescent 'grey' colour, and - most importantly - insatiable urges.

A number of errors on my part played into this.  However, as previous forum writers have mentioned to me, we are here to learn.  Today's Day 27 count could very easily have been '0'.  The reason for this is my old friend alcohol.  This week I have been drinking.  It's been a tough week at work, I've been feeling lousy because of the NoFap process, so I've been coming home and having a few of Bohemia's best.  On Friday, after work, I went out with a colleague/friend, as she was flying off abroad to get married in a week or so.  Hungover, yesterday morning, I BEGAN TO EDGE HORRENDOUSLY, in that beautiful time between sleep and wakefulness (when I am at my post vulnerable).  Using fantasy, I edged to a point that, if I continued, 'boom'.  Now, I did not use pornography, so I suppose this does not threaten the PMO streak.  However, for now, all of the benefits I have previously felt certainly have come from restricting orgasm and semen retention.

Again, I asked the question: did I relapse?  Once more, I answered no.  Since one or two small edging sessions at the start of this process, I have been good and not gone near my penis for personal gratification at all.  However, if I do this one more time, I will count it has a relapse (just a little internal note to myself).

So, today, I am feeling pretty good.  A mammoth 11-hour sleep has revitalised me somewhat, so I will embrace the day and get a lot of things/tasks done, so I have a restful mind.  What I have learned:

1) A good night's sleep and a regular sleep schedule really helps me with this process.

2) Alcohol severely hinders my efforts and leaves me open to succumbing to urges more readily.

3) I need to maintain a regimented routine.

4) More long walks and exercise.

5) Keep my living environment tidy.  When I am feeling pressured, a cluttered living environment stresses me out further.  Generally, I like to be an organised and a neat/tidy person.  I used to worry what people thought about this, yet - as I am now mid-thirties - I don't give a shit.

Thanks for reading!  Sincerely, CL.