So I guess today is as good a day to start as any, getting tired of losing this fight.
I am 47 years old and I started looking at porn when I was about 6. My Dad has stashed playboys in the bathroom and my friend and I got into them. Wish I never had...Anyway, it progressed and for some reason my Dad thought that it was ok for me to look at them. When I was in High School I had access to his VCR collection, ( we are talking 1986) which was massive! By the time I went to college I was fully immersed. I would have rather masturbated to porn than be with a woman, but something told me this wasn't normal. My idea of normal was severely warped; however, even today it never progressed into illegal (thank God).
So in 2001, I got high speed internet, which was the greatest thing and the biggest curse on the planet. Felt really good, but really bad. I think that may have played into the end of my marriage because my wife cheated on me several times. Maybe my intimacy was lacking (ya think???). Anyway, I am a Christian and tried the Holy route but couldn't seem to shake the "sin". I continued in quiet desperation until I met my current fiance, who seemed to try to understand my problem to a point. What really changed was 2 things.....
1. PIED- nothing was exciting me anymore and it affects my sex life
2. I realized with this site that it is not just guilt that makes me want to stop, but the stories of SO MANY people just like me! I finally felt like it wasn't a dirty little secret (hence the subject). This porn is scientifically proven to rewire our brain to unreasonable levels. I am ready to reboot and I need all of the help I can get. I have tried before, but never admitted it to a forum. Any and all help and encouragement is greatly appreciated!
I am 47 years old and I started looking at porn when I was about 6. My Dad has stashed playboys in the bathroom and my friend and I got into them. Wish I never had...Anyway, it progressed and for some reason my Dad thought that it was ok for me to look at them. When I was in High School I had access to his VCR collection, ( we are talking 1986) which was massive! By the time I went to college I was fully immersed. I would have rather masturbated to porn than be with a woman, but something told me this wasn't normal. My idea of normal was severely warped; however, even today it never progressed into illegal (thank God).
So in 2001, I got high speed internet, which was the greatest thing and the biggest curse on the planet. Felt really good, but really bad. I think that may have played into the end of my marriage because my wife cheated on me several times. Maybe my intimacy was lacking (ya think???). Anyway, I am a Christian and tried the Holy route but couldn't seem to shake the "sin". I continued in quiet desperation until I met my current fiance, who seemed to try to understand my problem to a point. What really changed was 2 things.....
1. PIED- nothing was exciting me anymore and it affects my sex life
2. I realized with this site that it is not just guilt that makes me want to stop, but the stories of SO MANY people just like me! I finally felt like it wasn't a dirty little secret (hence the subject). This porn is scientifically proven to rewire our brain to unreasonable levels. I am ready to reboot and I need all of the help I can get. I have tried before, but never admitted it to a forum. Any and all help and encouragement is greatly appreciated!