Eternally grateful for finding this site and listening to Gabe's talks and interviews on YouTube. Got quite emotional today, to the point of tears. I'm ready for change.
Where I am now: After over 10 years of addiction, I realise this isn't a journey I can make alone, and that I need to start documenting my progress. Now is the time to start really changing. I married young and after 2 years I am now in the middle of a divorce (where my addiction was one, though not the only, factor). I am also moving in a week's time to start studying again (after working for the past 4 years) in a completely new town. Looking forward to this new chapter in my life and think it gives me the perfect opportunity to make a fresh start and start my reboot for real.
My addiction: I am hooked on porn, and for the last few days have been PMOing about once a day. I have had longer and shorter periods of being sober, of up to 4-5 weeks at most, but never more. It came to a point where I started lying to myself and my wife about my addiction and telling myself I was recovering when I knew I wasn't. Have tried therapy and 12 Step group sessions which did help but I was never consistent and honest with myself about my recovery and my relapses. My P addiction also led to problems in the bedroom, both PE and ED. It started when I was around 12, maybe younger, with images of video game girls moving on to cartoon and anime porn, and then real life. Since then, it has developed into being focused mainly on bi and gay porn, which does not reflect my IRL sexuality. I have never moved on to violence/fetishes/etc, only vanilla stuff (something which I am proud of). However, the addiction is sucking away at the joy in my life ? I feel depressed, lethargic and demotivated whenever I'm not actively using. It has effected every aspect of my life - emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological. But I'm looking forward to getting clean again, and hope that writing things down will help.
The triggers: Being alone and bored. Being upset or frustrated. Watching TV shows like Game of Thrones. I usually relapse through my laptop or my phone in bed or in the bathroom. O is followed by immense guilt and depression which draws me into a cycle of further relapses.
The goal: I want to be able to regain control of my life, be more present in the moment, and to be able to experience intimacy without sexual dysfunctions. The plan is to go three months (90 days) without PMO ? do you guys think this is a reasonable first goal? Looking forward to those one month and two month milestones. I figure that moving, being single again and starting studies in a new town will mean that I will naturally have a lot of things to keep me occupied and to give me less time to focus on PMO.
Alright, that's it for now. Will try to post every day or every other day, or as and when I need to. Any tips and encouragement along the way are highly appreciated. Here goes!
Where I am now: After over 10 years of addiction, I realise this isn't a journey I can make alone, and that I need to start documenting my progress. Now is the time to start really changing. I married young and after 2 years I am now in the middle of a divorce (where my addiction was one, though not the only, factor). I am also moving in a week's time to start studying again (after working for the past 4 years) in a completely new town. Looking forward to this new chapter in my life and think it gives me the perfect opportunity to make a fresh start and start my reboot for real.
My addiction: I am hooked on porn, and for the last few days have been PMOing about once a day. I have had longer and shorter periods of being sober, of up to 4-5 weeks at most, but never more. It came to a point where I started lying to myself and my wife about my addiction and telling myself I was recovering when I knew I wasn't. Have tried therapy and 12 Step group sessions which did help but I was never consistent and honest with myself about my recovery and my relapses. My P addiction also led to problems in the bedroom, both PE and ED. It started when I was around 12, maybe younger, with images of video game girls moving on to cartoon and anime porn, and then real life. Since then, it has developed into being focused mainly on bi and gay porn, which does not reflect my IRL sexuality. I have never moved on to violence/fetishes/etc, only vanilla stuff (something which I am proud of). However, the addiction is sucking away at the joy in my life ? I feel depressed, lethargic and demotivated whenever I'm not actively using. It has effected every aspect of my life - emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological. But I'm looking forward to getting clean again, and hope that writing things down will help.
The triggers: Being alone and bored. Being upset or frustrated. Watching TV shows like Game of Thrones. I usually relapse through my laptop or my phone in bed or in the bathroom. O is followed by immense guilt and depression which draws me into a cycle of further relapses.
The goal: I want to be able to regain control of my life, be more present in the moment, and to be able to experience intimacy without sexual dysfunctions. The plan is to go three months (90 days) without PMO ? do you guys think this is a reasonable first goal? Looking forward to those one month and two month milestones. I figure that moving, being single again and starting studies in a new town will mean that I will naturally have a lot of things to keep me occupied and to give me less time to focus on PMO.
Alright, that's it for now. Will try to post every day or every other day, or as and when I need to. Any tips and encouragement along the way are highly appreciated. Here goes!