LimpBizdick
Member
Where to begin... my journey started nearly 20 years ago with the old dial up internet connection which at the time was about 56k and held up the phoneline. On of my mates at school said you could get naked photos on it, bingo. I used to come home and browse for ages jumping from site to site. I'd save all my favourite photos on random floppy disks (or for me now - floppy dicks). A couple of years into this my uncle came to stay and being more computer savvy he found my history and embarrassed me in front of my parents and grandparents. It was enough to stop me. I then eventually managed to get into a few relationships in my late teens and have some good sex.
Fast forward to 2005 and I started University (in the UK) and my internet speed just jumped from a 56k dial up (as my parents refused to pay for 1mb broadband) to a whopping T3 connection so I finally discovered the "tubes". I started watching all sorts of videos I won't bore you guys with but suffice to say it got bad and I struggled to perform with those so called college girls whom I took home after a night out. At the end of University I got my first proper long term girlfriend and then when things didn't happen or perform I'd blame her (I now blame myself for how badly I treated her).
After this I got a job and was still watching, every relationship I was in failing to last...the girls were actually quite supportive and understanding and I still had no idea what was going on. It took me till last year...just before I turned 32 before I realised. I have a wife now and she was never really highly sexed and only every wanted it occasionally and on the odd occasion it was good, but never really consistent. Well we'd just come back from a holiday in Columbia and Peru where I'd been away from porn videos for over three weeks and we'd had some great sex, sometimes 2-3 times per day which we hadn't done since we met and I started falling off the wagon again. I promised her we'd start trying for a baby and we did, but I couldn't ejaculate and she was starting to get pissed. I promised to get help so as she said fine, this month you can just jack off and stick it up me at the last minute, like an artificial fucking inseminator... anyway it worked first time and she fell pregnant.
The few months after that I started my first reboot - she blocked porn sites on my phone and home internet and I deleted a whatsapp group that all my friends used to send horrific shit in. I needed to desensitise myself to it all and abstain. For a while it worked, I started getting good morning erections again but the problem now was that my wife was experiencing a shit pregnancy and didn't even want to be cuddled as she was always feeling sick. I then started working away and that's when the problems started... first of all it was the odd fap, then I managed to use a VPN to get around the internet blocks and gradually I used more and more again. Tried abstaining again but it didn't really work. My wife didn't know though because she wasn't much interested at that point so it continued.
Fast forward to our lovely Covid-19 induced hell and my lovely daughter was born 3 months ago, I swore I'd stop but couldn't. The small amounts of time I got to myself I carried on. Then the other day my parents came by and told us to go upstairs for a nap, my wife was finally horny again and I hadn't had morning wood for days so I knew it wouldn't work...I got a semi erection for a grand total of about 10 seconds before it dropped and she snapped. Basically gave me an ultimatum that she wasn't going to live in a sexless marriage and she wanted it back to the way it was in South America otherwise we'd be done. I read up and finally found Gabe's youtube videos and this site...I feel more confident now that I am not alone.
I am only 5 days in at this point into my Reboot since that incident with my wife. I feel truly disgusted that I've fallen this far. I get urges everyday. Part of the reason I wrote this is because I was working from home in the study upstairs and started getting the urge to turn on the VPN, get on a popular site and watch some videos. At the moment I am well into flatline and my libido is so far to the floor that an ant would struggle to see it.
I am taking one day at I time, but this time there's somethings I have that I didn't before:
I have hope
I have an online network
I have the threat of losing my daughter and wife
I have motivational videos about the reality and dangers of porn
But unfortunately the porn is still there in every corner of the internet and media, its the steaming desire to see every girl you meet naked, its the beautiful actresses on TV who you know have been faceswapped onto a pornstars body, its on twitter, its in the everyday films we watch when we glimpse a nipple or a breast (or even beating off to the last scene in Resident Evil when Milla Jovovich falls off the bed and I found that if you freeze frame the right moment you can actually see a glimpse of her pussy). The world is literally set up right now to hypersexualise us and if we don't tell it to back the fuck off, we will be drawn back into the dark world of porn.
Gabe is right, the only way is to stop, but it's easier said than done. One day, and it's coming soon, this thing of ours will be a bonefied medical illness and there might even be medical based treatment...until then we are on our own but you know what I am saying to myself as I write this, bring on the fight because right now I've got so much to lose I'm literally fighting for my life and it's a fight I intend to win.
Fast forward to 2005 and I started University (in the UK) and my internet speed just jumped from a 56k dial up (as my parents refused to pay for 1mb broadband) to a whopping T3 connection so I finally discovered the "tubes". I started watching all sorts of videos I won't bore you guys with but suffice to say it got bad and I struggled to perform with those so called college girls whom I took home after a night out. At the end of University I got my first proper long term girlfriend and then when things didn't happen or perform I'd blame her (I now blame myself for how badly I treated her).
After this I got a job and was still watching, every relationship I was in failing to last...the girls were actually quite supportive and understanding and I still had no idea what was going on. It took me till last year...just before I turned 32 before I realised. I have a wife now and she was never really highly sexed and only every wanted it occasionally and on the odd occasion it was good, but never really consistent. Well we'd just come back from a holiday in Columbia and Peru where I'd been away from porn videos for over three weeks and we'd had some great sex, sometimes 2-3 times per day which we hadn't done since we met and I started falling off the wagon again. I promised her we'd start trying for a baby and we did, but I couldn't ejaculate and she was starting to get pissed. I promised to get help so as she said fine, this month you can just jack off and stick it up me at the last minute, like an artificial fucking inseminator... anyway it worked first time and she fell pregnant.
The few months after that I started my first reboot - she blocked porn sites on my phone and home internet and I deleted a whatsapp group that all my friends used to send horrific shit in. I needed to desensitise myself to it all and abstain. For a while it worked, I started getting good morning erections again but the problem now was that my wife was experiencing a shit pregnancy and didn't even want to be cuddled as she was always feeling sick. I then started working away and that's when the problems started... first of all it was the odd fap, then I managed to use a VPN to get around the internet blocks and gradually I used more and more again. Tried abstaining again but it didn't really work. My wife didn't know though because she wasn't much interested at that point so it continued.
Fast forward to our lovely Covid-19 induced hell and my lovely daughter was born 3 months ago, I swore I'd stop but couldn't. The small amounts of time I got to myself I carried on. Then the other day my parents came by and told us to go upstairs for a nap, my wife was finally horny again and I hadn't had morning wood for days so I knew it wouldn't work...I got a semi erection for a grand total of about 10 seconds before it dropped and she snapped. Basically gave me an ultimatum that she wasn't going to live in a sexless marriage and she wanted it back to the way it was in South America otherwise we'd be done. I read up and finally found Gabe's youtube videos and this site...I feel more confident now that I am not alone.
I am only 5 days in at this point into my Reboot since that incident with my wife. I feel truly disgusted that I've fallen this far. I get urges everyday. Part of the reason I wrote this is because I was working from home in the study upstairs and started getting the urge to turn on the VPN, get on a popular site and watch some videos. At the moment I am well into flatline and my libido is so far to the floor that an ant would struggle to see it.
I am taking one day at I time, but this time there's somethings I have that I didn't before:
I have hope
I have an online network
I have the threat of losing my daughter and wife
I have motivational videos about the reality and dangers of porn
But unfortunately the porn is still there in every corner of the internet and media, its the steaming desire to see every girl you meet naked, its the beautiful actresses on TV who you know have been faceswapped onto a pornstars body, its on twitter, its in the everyday films we watch when we glimpse a nipple or a breast (or even beating off to the last scene in Resident Evil when Milla Jovovich falls off the bed and I found that if you freeze frame the right moment you can actually see a glimpse of her pussy). The world is literally set up right now to hypersexualise us and if we don't tell it to back the fuck off, we will be drawn back into the dark world of porn.
Gabe is right, the only way is to stop, but it's easier said than done. One day, and it's coming soon, this thing of ours will be a bonefied medical illness and there might even be medical based treatment...until then we are on our own but you know what I am saying to myself as I write this, bring on the fight because right now I've got so much to lose I'm literally fighting for my life and it's a fight I intend to win.