I-am-not-a-slave-anymore
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Frank-hates-porn said:Still haven't had any sex, watched porn or ejaculated. Although I have been very weak and gave in to my hungry eyes - I have looked at women for much longer than a quick glance. The urges are still strong as ever I have also been very stupid and browsed through escort ads, I don't know why, I knew I should'nt and I knew I am not doing that anymore but still I went on the web and started checking them out. I even went as far as actually dialing a telephone number and arranging a meet but then straight away cancelling the meet - that was so stupid, I nearly failed. I remembered all the bad points and disadvantages of doing that, and I thought about my profile on this website and the days I have been clean - that is what gave me the willpower to stop the trigger which would of led to destructive behaviour.
I must be extra careful from now on and avoid all triggers. I can't let my eyes wander again. It is the eyes that lead you astray.
Frank-hates-porn said:Day 21
I have completed 21 days without PMO or sex. Still haven't ejaculated, so no wet dreams either. So it's been 3 weeks now, but my sexual frustration and urges are still strong as ever. Thoughts, memories and flashbacks of porn or previous sexual experiences keep haunting me unrelentingly; AAaaaarrghh! This is a tough reboot, but I won't give in.
Feeling lethargic today and I am procrastinating again. The reasons for this could be my foolish relapse onto drug use, not long ago - which I will not do again. So to keep me focused on rebooting and avoid sexual urges, I am watching Porn Addiction documentaries and listening to podcasts, and also a bit of reading about it.
Frank-hates-porn said:Day 11 - Relapse
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, after 11 days I have relapsed again. It was a one time PMO, I will not allow myself to do it again and I most certainly will not let myself binge out on porn like I used to before. Last year and the year before, everytime I tried rebooting I would fail and PMO, but not only once, I would binge out really heavily on the stuff, about 6 times a day and maybe again the day after until I would again think "what the hell am I doing with my life, I need to quit, again.." haha.
I had sex dreams during the night, however, there was no ejaculation. This caused a huge amount of sexual frustration today. Also, I had no energy or motivation to do anything. This morning I started on my daily excercise routine: running, weight lifting, sit-ups and push-ups, but I did not have the strength. My performance and stamina just wasn't there, I only did a third of what I can usually do. I don't know what happened to me today, I Felt ill and felt brain fog all day. I have been drug, alcohol and tobbaco free for a few days now, I suspect I have been feeling the last few bits of withdrawal symptoms from those.
Oh well, I better not beat myself up about it again. I will just start again from the beginning and give it another go. Time to reset that counter.