I think I hit rock bottom about a year ago. Ever since then I've just been chilling here in the dark, stuck. The funny part about it all is that I have the freedom and the ability to leave this dark part of my life, yet stuck I stay. It's like every bone in my body is telling me to choose the better path and walk away from all of this, but I continually listen to the smallest part of me that says do it. Click the button, open the page, give in to temptation. This is the one thing in my life that I feel like I have no control over. I don't know how to deal with it because everything I thought would work hasn't.
At this point I'm honestly just upset with myself. I have a problem, I know I have a problem and I let that problem decide what to do for itself. No matter how many times I tell myself not to do it, I do it. It sounds so easy to just stop and let this all go, yet here I am.
Idk. This is definitely not an obstacle I ever imagined I'd have to battle, but I guess that's just life. I know if I can beat this I'm going to grow immensely as a person, which is why I haven't given up. This is not what I want for myself, and I don't want to carry this further into my life.
What I do know:
-you don't just get stuck by coincidence, you get stuck for a reason. While it may be a bad situation, good can somehow come out of it.
-understanding your problem is your best chance at defeating it.
-you are not alone.
-Just because you have failed in the past does not mean you will fail forever.
-Mistakes suck, but they lead to growth.