Change2019
Member
32 years old. I have managed to kick the habit for extended periods previously but sadly it's crept back into my life over the past few months and now reached a point where my use again troubles me.
Unlike some of the users of this forum I have not had to deal with ED or other physical performance issues. It's the psychological side which bothers me - the feeling of compulsive use of something which I know does me no good whatsoever, and which actively makes me feel bad about myself. No good at all for self-esteem and confidence. Plus the contradictions between how I hope to treat women in the real world with the way they are treated in P. There's all sorts of hypocrisy there and I hate to think of how some of the women in my life would react if they knew of my habit.
In short, I don't want to continue to experience the profound sense of shame which - I find (others may not) - accompanies the use of P. I'm at an age where I need to make some big decisions about how I want to focus my future career, relationships with family, friends and girlfriend, and other big questions. I don't feel that that I can be my best self until I've truly overcome this problem and replaced my current dysfunctional behaviours and habits with more fulfilling occupations.
So that's where I'm coming from. When I think about the enormous potential which I might unlock by resolving this longstanding compulsion I feel excited about the future (particularly having read some of the 'success stories' on this site). I'm also aware that I will need to work really hard in order to build up the necessary discipline, routine and focus to get to a point where I feel I'm truly getting the most out of life. These are all qualities which I used to have in abundance in my teenage years but which have been eroded over time - and particularly by my use of P. But they must still be in there somewhere!
Some of the tools I plan on using to make the changes I want to make, and to recover my self-esteem and pride in who I am, are physical exercise (running, yoga, racket sports), meditation (daily in the morning, using the Headspace app), changing my environment (charging my phone in a separate room; avoiding using my laptop in bed; installing K9 filters on my computers). I'm also planning on significantly cutting down on drinking - too many of my lapses occur when I've had too much to drink or I'm overtired.
One thing I'd appreciate advice on from forum members: is there an app with K9 levels of security which can be used on Android phone? I have previously used Open DNS to block access to P material over wifi but this doesn't seem to work with my current phone. I have uninstalled the web browser for the time being but the reptilian part of my brain knows that it's only a couple of steps to reinstall it if a craving hits. Thanks in advance for any recommendations, and indeed any other tips and encouragement as I kick off this journal.
Thanks all and best of luck
Unlike some of the users of this forum I have not had to deal with ED or other physical performance issues. It's the psychological side which bothers me - the feeling of compulsive use of something which I know does me no good whatsoever, and which actively makes me feel bad about myself. No good at all for self-esteem and confidence. Plus the contradictions between how I hope to treat women in the real world with the way they are treated in P. There's all sorts of hypocrisy there and I hate to think of how some of the women in my life would react if they knew of my habit.
In short, I don't want to continue to experience the profound sense of shame which - I find (others may not) - accompanies the use of P. I'm at an age where I need to make some big decisions about how I want to focus my future career, relationships with family, friends and girlfriend, and other big questions. I don't feel that that I can be my best self until I've truly overcome this problem and replaced my current dysfunctional behaviours and habits with more fulfilling occupations.
So that's where I'm coming from. When I think about the enormous potential which I might unlock by resolving this longstanding compulsion I feel excited about the future (particularly having read some of the 'success stories' on this site). I'm also aware that I will need to work really hard in order to build up the necessary discipline, routine and focus to get to a point where I feel I'm truly getting the most out of life. These are all qualities which I used to have in abundance in my teenage years but which have been eroded over time - and particularly by my use of P. But they must still be in there somewhere!
Some of the tools I plan on using to make the changes I want to make, and to recover my self-esteem and pride in who I am, are physical exercise (running, yoga, racket sports), meditation (daily in the morning, using the Headspace app), changing my environment (charging my phone in a separate room; avoiding using my laptop in bed; installing K9 filters on my computers). I'm also planning on significantly cutting down on drinking - too many of my lapses occur when I've had too much to drink or I'm overtired.
One thing I'd appreciate advice on from forum members: is there an app with K9 levels of security which can be used on Android phone? I have previously used Open DNS to block access to P material over wifi but this doesn't seem to work with my current phone. I have uninstalled the web browser for the time being but the reptilian part of my brain knows that it's only a couple of steps to reinstall it if a craving hits. Thanks in advance for any recommendations, and indeed any other tips and encouragement as I kick off this journal.
Thanks all and best of luck