Please bear with me this is a very long article and I need to get it off my chest. Please please please read and reply with some advice and feedback anything will do!
Hello everyone my name is Dimitri. I like most of yourself's here have a bit of problem with porn in my life. I'm 20 turning 21 in a few weeks. I've been addicted to Internet porn since I would think mid 2005 or early 2006. I can't accurately state it's a blur really. Anyway that's a good chunk of my life I've been addicted, and if you want to be technical I've had porn around since 2001.
I was about 8 when I first saw porn, I would stay up late flicking through channels until I came across a dirty movie. I didn't know how to react to be honest. I knew I shouldn't have been watching it but, I would just sit there and watch. Nothing major would happen but I would get a lil baby erection going. That was about it from there, so I guess you can call that the first strike. These little porn encounters would continue on to well let's say 2005 (age 12).
Mom goes out and buys high speed internet. You already know from research disaster was bound to happen. I would get on surfing the web for random things until one day I got curious. One of friends had been talking about a web site to go to when my mom was either gone or asleep. Sure enough I did which led ended up in me entering the world of virtual women and nasty deeds. I didn't know about masturbation then I just kept scrolling and scrolling for an hour or two until I got dizzy. That's when I would stop. (Dopamine overdose you can say)?. This continued until mid 2006 until I actually attempted and completed masturbation.
Going into late mid-late 2007, I would constantly watch porn when moms wasn't around. Usually this was the weekend. About once or twice a day I would masturbate to porn. I'd find ways to hide it or store it on my little first generation PSP. This was all during I guess you can say puberty years and all that jazz. My porn consumption didn't escalate until I was 15. Summer of 2008.
When there was no one in the house I would bing and beat off say 3-5 times a day. Once or twice in the morning, and 3 more times in the evening. I Started feeling the physical effects around this time. Penis would hurt, my grades started suffering, I was unable to talk to any of the girls in my high school, I looked and felt like I was dead all the time. I mean I was drained came the end of the day. I don't think this is normal for 15 year old at all. This continued all through out 2009 aswell.
Early 2010 I was able to finally ask a my first girlfriend out at age 16. Now during this time period my smut use was at a low due to a broken computer. So I guess I had more energy and confidence to approach her without the low energy and brain fog porn would cause. Though when the porn would return causing strain on our increasing unhealthy relationship. Not just me but herself as well. (She would show the same signs as an excessive porn user) eventually leading to us breaking up. I had girlfriends come and go, usually due to porn use but.....
Fast forwarding to late 2012 to mid 2013. I'm at rock creaking bottom at this point. Everyday on my days off, 5 at a time, I would spend just surfing porn and chocking my self in my dark dorm room... I missed out on a great opportunity with a wonderful woman I work with since I'm too busy getting my sexual gratification from a laptop. I was labeled as a creep among some of my peers due to the way I acted. My confidence was low, I'm stuttering all the time, I wasn't respected, my spirits were low, I was extremely depressed, tired all the time, my job performance sucked and I felt like offing myself. %100 complete rock bottom... Until one day in I would say April I came across an article detailing my symptoms. I was a porn addict. I needed to quit.
Which brings us to our current stage in my story. I've been battling this demon for almost a year with my occasional relapses and streaks (about 6 even). I'm no longer as down, I'm more confident, I'm respected, my job performance is tons better, the stuttering is almost gone, my energy is returning, I'm finally having wets dreams,(yes I know that should've happened at puberty, porn is to thank for that), and I'm not so creepy towards women, In fact I'm actually getting all sorts of positive attention from them!!!. Only down side is that due to porn I'VE NEVER HAD SEX. Yep that's right I'm about to be a 21 year old virgin. Sucks....
Anyway I've come to this forum asking for very few favors. Help me in my quest to stop a 13 year old addiction, and help me in my journey to helps others with this, help me become a little more well rounded. Well that's the story!
Hello everyone my name is Dimitri. I like most of yourself's here have a bit of problem with porn in my life. I'm 20 turning 21 in a few weeks. I've been addicted to Internet porn since I would think mid 2005 or early 2006. I can't accurately state it's a blur really. Anyway that's a good chunk of my life I've been addicted, and if you want to be technical I've had porn around since 2001.
I was about 8 when I first saw porn, I would stay up late flicking through channels until I came across a dirty movie. I didn't know how to react to be honest. I knew I shouldn't have been watching it but, I would just sit there and watch. Nothing major would happen but I would get a lil baby erection going. That was about it from there, so I guess you can call that the first strike. These little porn encounters would continue on to well let's say 2005 (age 12).
Mom goes out and buys high speed internet. You already know from research disaster was bound to happen. I would get on surfing the web for random things until one day I got curious. One of friends had been talking about a web site to go to when my mom was either gone or asleep. Sure enough I did which led ended up in me entering the world of virtual women and nasty deeds. I didn't know about masturbation then I just kept scrolling and scrolling for an hour or two until I got dizzy. That's when I would stop. (Dopamine overdose you can say)?. This continued until mid 2006 until I actually attempted and completed masturbation.
Going into late mid-late 2007, I would constantly watch porn when moms wasn't around. Usually this was the weekend. About once or twice a day I would masturbate to porn. I'd find ways to hide it or store it on my little first generation PSP. This was all during I guess you can say puberty years and all that jazz. My porn consumption didn't escalate until I was 15. Summer of 2008.
When there was no one in the house I would bing and beat off say 3-5 times a day. Once or twice in the morning, and 3 more times in the evening. I Started feeling the physical effects around this time. Penis would hurt, my grades started suffering, I was unable to talk to any of the girls in my high school, I looked and felt like I was dead all the time. I mean I was drained came the end of the day. I don't think this is normal for 15 year old at all. This continued all through out 2009 aswell.
Early 2010 I was able to finally ask a my first girlfriend out at age 16. Now during this time period my smut use was at a low due to a broken computer. So I guess I had more energy and confidence to approach her without the low energy and brain fog porn would cause. Though when the porn would return causing strain on our increasing unhealthy relationship. Not just me but herself as well. (She would show the same signs as an excessive porn user) eventually leading to us breaking up. I had girlfriends come and go, usually due to porn use but.....
Fast forwarding to late 2012 to mid 2013. I'm at rock creaking bottom at this point. Everyday on my days off, 5 at a time, I would spend just surfing porn and chocking my self in my dark dorm room... I missed out on a great opportunity with a wonderful woman I work with since I'm too busy getting my sexual gratification from a laptop. I was labeled as a creep among some of my peers due to the way I acted. My confidence was low, I'm stuttering all the time, I wasn't respected, my spirits were low, I was extremely depressed, tired all the time, my job performance sucked and I felt like offing myself. %100 complete rock bottom... Until one day in I would say April I came across an article detailing my symptoms. I was a porn addict. I needed to quit.
Which brings us to our current stage in my story. I've been battling this demon for almost a year with my occasional relapses and streaks (about 6 even). I'm no longer as down, I'm more confident, I'm respected, my job performance is tons better, the stuttering is almost gone, my energy is returning, I'm finally having wets dreams,(yes I know that should've happened at puberty, porn is to thank for that), and I'm not so creepy towards women, In fact I'm actually getting all sorts of positive attention from them!!!. Only down side is that due to porn I'VE NEVER HAD SEX. Yep that's right I'm about to be a 21 year old virgin. Sucks....
Anyway I've come to this forum asking for very few favors. Help me in my quest to stop a 13 year old addiction, and help me in my journey to helps others with this, help me become a little more well rounded. Well that's the story!