10 days in, feel like crap!

M

maddream

Member
This is the longest I've ever gone without PMO in 20 years, since I was a teenager. I actually felt better the first few days, a little bit 'brighter' a bit of a sense of achievement just from not doing it, but yesterday and today I've hit a wall, I just feel 'numb' kind of empty, I've experienced all manner of emotions before, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression etc, but this is different, just a horrible feeling of nothing.

Nothing is making me feel better either, i did a two hour walk yesterday, and that usually improves my mood, but it didn't do anything, still feeling completely empty.

I'm still committed to not doing PMO, no desire or intention of looking at porn, just wanted to write where i'm at at the moment.
 
B

Big H

Active Member
We've all had days when we feel like crap on our reboot. It'll come and go. Just give it time.
 
Y

yesyes1234

Active Member
Thanks for sharing.

I can relate to it. It's insane how much emotional garbage it brings on us. But it will get better.

Have you considered giving meditation a chance? There are a lot of good guided tracks on youtube. Some are 5-10 min and pretty easy to get through. They always help me. Especially after I had stuck to them a while.

Good luck!
 
M

maddream

Member
Day 17

I actually did an 8 week mindfulness meditation course Feb/March time, i think it's that that has given me an extra something to be able to do nofap, i tried nofap late last year and only lasted a matter of days...
 
S

saneagain

Member
I don't know how extreme your PMO addiction/habit was. Mine was extreme (27 yo, 12 years PMO)

I am half a year clean (over 180 days) and still feel like shit with dizziness, nausea, shortness of breathe, inability to concentrate, shaking hands.

All this may take a longer period of time if your addiction was very strong.

 
M

maddream

Member
saneagain said:
I don't know how extreme your PMO addiction/habit was. Mine was extreme (27 yo, 12 years PMO)

I am half a year clean (over 180 days) and still feel like shit with dizziness, nausea, shortness of breathe, inability to concentrate, shaking hands.

All this may take a longer period of time if your addiction was very strong.
Click to expand...

It's a similar amount of time really, it's interesting getting different peoples experiences, some people experience great results whilst others still struggle in the same time period. I wonder if people are still struggling after six months if something else is going on? just thinking out loud....
 
S

saneagain

Member
maddream said:
saneagain said:
I don't know how extreme your PMO addiction/habit was. Mine was extreme (27 yo, 12 years PMO)

I am half a year clean (over 180 days) and still feel like shit with dizziness, nausea, shortness of breathe, inability to concentrate, shaking hands.

All this may take a longer period of time if your addiction was very strong.
Click to expand...

It's a similar amount of time really, it's interesting getting different peoples experiences, some people experience great results whilst others still struggle in the same time period. I wonder if people are still struggling after six months if something else is going on? just thinking out loud....
Click to expand...

I'm not struggling because of urges to watch porn. It's called Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Recovering drug addicts can experience it for many months.

Basically it's the same feeling that alcohol or cocaine addicts go through:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/372570-questions-about-brain-fog-lightheaded-paws.html

I feel EXACTLY the same way this guy explains it. Dizziness / lightheadedness / brain fog, which gets worse when I do physical labor.
 
M

maddream

Member
I didn't think you were talking about urges, i know you are talking about withdrawal symptoms.

Interesting thread you posted, every single person mentions no more than three months... One of the posters said something i agree with. 'Most of those symptoms COULD be part of withdrawals or PAWS, but they have many other potential caused both physical and mental.'

That's why, in my previous post, i said 'I wonder if people are still struggling after six months if something else is going on?'
 
S

saneagain

Member
3 months? You can count yourself lucky if it is just 3 months. Even Gabe Deem, the founder of this site, had withdrawals for at least 6 months. He felt somewhat recovered after 9 months and continued to see improvement in focus and erections until month 15. Withdrawal can take up to 2 years.

A list with a few long flatlines: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37cprv/heres_a_list_of_long_flatlines_to_give_you_hope/

This guy had flatline for 18+ months: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2rz2bl/very_long_flatline/

A flatline is actually just one symptom of the post accute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

I have been checked by every possible doctor. Every possible blood parameter has been checked. A MRI of my head has been done. No one in my family ever had any mental issues. No doctor found anything that could cause my symptoms.

I had wet dreams for 3 consecutive months in the beginning. 2-3 times a week. Once even 2 wet dreams in one night. Constant sex dreams and nightmares. I never had any dreams for years while I was PMOing. And this is why: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_neuroscience_of_dreams

One month after stopping PMO I started dreaming almost every day. And I'm not the only one:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/zxamg/the_absolute_strangest_sideeffect_of_my_new_nofap/
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/weird-very-vivid-dreams-while-rebooting.33300/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2a8n9t/nofap_suddenly_causes_you_to_dream_more/

Actually every single piece fits into the puzzle.

If your addiction was not as strong as mine, then you will recover faster. Just wanted to get the info out that it can last somewhere from 2 months to 2 years.
 
H

Hanai

Guest
saneagain said:
I had wet dreams for 3 consecutive months in the beginning. 2-3 times a week. Once even 2 wet dreams in one night. Constant sex dreams and nightmares. I never had any dreams for years while I was PMOing. And this is why: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_neuroscience_of_dreams

One month after stopping PMO I started dreaming almost every day. And I'm not the only one:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/zxamg/the_absolute_strangest_sideeffect_of_my_new_nofap/
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/weird-very-vivid-dreams-while-rebooting.33300/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2a8n9t/nofap_suddenly_causes_you_to_dream_more/
Click to expand...

Wow... this is some crazy interesting stuff
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_neuroscience_of_dreams
"The evidence of the involvement of mesolimbic and mesocortical dopaminergic pathways suggests that dreaming occurs when a motivational component is activated. Only when this pathway is removed do dreams cease to occur. This system can be activated by mechanisms of REM sleep but can also occur independently during NREM stages of sleep."
"It is now believed that dreaming may be a dopaminergic process that occurs in limbic and frontal areas of the brain."
"Damage to the dopaminergic pathway results in a loss of dreaming."

(Mesolimbic pathway is a key player in addiction and motivation for those who forgot/didn't learn)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1920543/
Neurobiologic Processes in Drug Reward and Addiction
"Although the mesolimbic dopaminergic efflux associated with drug reward was previously considered the biologic equivalent of pleasure, dopaminergic activation occurs in the presence of unexpected and novel stimuli (either pleasurable or aversive) and appears to determine the motivational state of wanting or expectation."
 
S

saneagain

Member
maddream said:
When did you start having wet dreams?

I'm 20 days in and just had the first one last night.
Click to expand...

I started having them 30-40 days into reboot in the beginning of January. I had them until the middle of March 2-3 times a week. Since then the frequency has decreased a lot. Last one was probably 3 weeks ago or so.

I tried to stop PMO a few times in the past. Every time the wet dreams kicked in. I always came back to porn because the withdrawals were rather mild and lasted 2-3 weeks. This time the shit has hit the fan big time. I am going through this shit for 6 months already.


Wow... this is some crazy interesting stuff
Click to expand...

Yes I was blown away when I read it. It explains why I have not been dreaming for many years. PMO affects the brain on many levels. It's not just the sexual dysfunction.
 
M

maddream

Member
DAY 31!!

So here I am, still going, here's somethings i've experienced.

First week was kind of a honey moon period, just felt kind of good that i wasn't PMOing

second week i hit a wall and felt utterly shit, depressed, angry, anxious, lethargic, but most of all just EMPTY, I meditated and went for prolonged walks, both of which normally improve my mood, they did nothing.

felt better for a few days after that...

Days 17 / 18 /19 had migraine symptoms (havent had a migraine in years) sickness, tired, blurred vision, headache etc.

All this time was mostly flatline, then Days 20 + had urges for a few days, they were quite strong, to the point where i was actively planing to relapse when I got to Day 31, (30 full days no PMO, today!) I no longer want to intensionally relapse!

So my plan is to keep going, I want to do a minimum of 90 days, poss 100...
 
H

Hanai

Guest
maddream said:
DAY 31!!

So here I am, still going, here's somethings i've experienced.

First week was kind of a honey moon period, just felt kind of good that i wasn't PMOing

second week i hit a wall and felt utterly shit, depressed, angry, anxious, lethargic, but most of all just EMPTY, I meditated and went for prolonged walks, both of which normally improve my mood, they did nothing.

felt better for a few days after that...

Days 17 / 18 /19 had migraine symptoms (havent had a migraine in years) sickness, tired, blurred vision, headache etc.
Click to expand...

I had almost the exact same progression in early recovery, the up and down can keep going for months or longer. My advice would be to keep your mind on the things that you really want, of real importance. This is very much a beacon that can keep you on track during the turbulence of recovery.
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals." - Henry Ford
 
M

maddream

Member
saneagain said:
3 months? You can count yourself lucky if it is just 3 months. Even Gabe Deem, the founder of this site, had withdrawals for at least 6 months. He felt somewhat recovered after 9 months and continued to see improvement in focus and erections until month 15. Withdrawal can take up to 2 years.

A list with a few long flatlines: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37cprv/heres_a_list_of_long_flatlines_to_give_you_hope/

This guy had flatline for 18+ months: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2rz2bl/very_long_flatline/

A flatline is actually just one symptom of the post accute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

I have been checked by every possible doctor. Every possible blood parameter has been checked. A MRI of my head has been done. No one in my family ever had any mental issues. No doctor found anything that could cause my symptoms.

I had wet dreams for 3 consecutive months in the beginning. 2-3 times a week. Once even 2 wet dreams in one night. Constant sex dreams and nightmares. I never had any dreams for years while I was PMOing. And this is why: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_neuroscience_of_dreams

One month after stopping PMO I started dreaming almost every day. And I'm not the only one:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/zxamg/the_absolute_strangest_sideeffect_of_my_new_nofap/
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/weird-very-vivid-dreams-while-rebooting.33300/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2a8n9t/nofap_suddenly_causes_you_to_dream_more/

Actually every single piece fits into the puzzle.

If your addiction was not as strong as mine, then you will recover faster. Just wanted to get the info out that it can last somewhere from 2 months to 2 years.
Click to expand...

I had heavy porn use for easly a decade+ classic case of prgressing from vanilla porn to extreme stuff, minimum once a day, often many times more... classic porn addiction similar to many heavey users...

Yet i have always dreamt well, vivid dreams, sometimes lucid dreams.

Currently on day 39 no PMO, was having morning wood early in in reboot, only had two wet dreams, over two weeks a part.
 
S

saneagain

Member
maddream said:
saneagain said:
3 months? You can count yourself lucky if it is just 3 months. Even Gabe Deem, the founder of this site, had withdrawals for at least 6 months. He felt somewhat recovered after 9 months and continued to see improvement in focus and erections until month 15. Withdrawal can take up to 2 years.

A list with a few long flatlines: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37cprv/heres_a_list_of_long_flatlines_to_give_you_hope/

This guy had flatline for 18+ months: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2rz2bl/very_long_flatline/

A flatline is actually just one symptom of the post accute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

I have been checked by every possible doctor. Every possible blood parameter has been checked. A MRI of my head has been done. No one in my family ever had any mental issues. No doctor found anything that could cause my symptoms.

I had wet dreams for 3 consecutive months in the beginning. 2-3 times a week. Once even 2 wet dreams in one night. Constant sex dreams and nightmares. I never had any dreams for years while I was PMOing. And this is why: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_neuroscience_of_dreams

One month after stopping PMO I started dreaming almost every day. And I'm not the only one:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/zxamg/the_absolute_strangest_sideeffect_of_my_new_nofap/
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/weird-very-vivid-dreams-while-rebooting.33300/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2a8n9t/nofap_suddenly_causes_you_to_dream_more/

Actually every single piece fits into the puzzle.

If your addiction was not as strong as mine, then you will recover faster. Just wanted to get the info out that it can last somewhere from 2 months to 2 years.
Click to expand...

I had heavy porn use for easly a decade+ classic case of prgressing from vanilla porn to extreme stuff, minimum once a day, often many times more... classic porn addiction similar to many heavey users...

Yet i have always dreamt well, vivid dreams, sometimes lucid dreams.

Currently on day 39 no PMO, was having morning wood early in in reboot, only had two wet dreams, over two weeks a part.
Click to expand...

Congratulations. Keep going. You are on the right track.
 
B

Big H

Active Member
You can't avoid wet dreams. I know what you mean when they make you want to relapse but you have to learn to deal with it
 
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